Our mother of 82 is in the later stages of the moderate stage of dementia and has paranoia. Mom was living in NY alone (family was close)until a little over a year ago when she fell on her bike and cracked 3 ribs so my brother that lives in NY brought her here and we decided she couldn’t live alone any longer. So now after a year of getting used to having her here she has a routine that works well for her and she is happy. Now my sister wants to take her for 2 weeks to Miami area and try a new diet on her take her to museums, parks, beach. I don’t think it is a good idea to interrupt her routine. She has a diet that is healthy. Takes a shower on certain days and loves to go to grocery stores at least 3 times a week to walk every isle even if she doesn’t need anything. Says it’s exercise and she might see something she needs. She buys her food and fixes it herself with assistance if needed. She’s very forgetful about everything and doesn’t remember hardly anything from the past. Does recognize her other children after she asks who they are. I feel she will get confused and more paranoid if she’s taken from her normal and I’ve read that taking her out of her element could make things worse. I told my sister it would be better if she just came here and take her out for a day instead of taking her away from her routine. I have learned a lot from this website and it has helped me adapt to having her here. I am disabled but not enough that I can’t care for her now. I can walk just have a lot of back pain. Since mom can walk and do her own thing pretty much it’s all good. Also I have taken her to grandkids (her great grands) Birthday parties and she just sits and doesn’t interact with anyone not even the children. She was miserable and just wanted to go home. Could I please get some input on this?
Second reaction, please don't let her take her. My Mom was the same about birthday parties. She just sat. She went to Church every Sunday, could no longer enjoy that. Her stay anywhere was maybe an hour and she was ready to go. My Mom got overwhelmed very easily.
Maybe ur brother can talk to the sister and tell her he doesn't think its a good idea. Two weeks is a long time. I think sister is in LaLa land when it comes to Mom. Maybe a short visit with u will show her Mom is not capable of enjoying a 2 week vacation. They tire easily too.
Thinking ahead do you have plans for the future when mum's decline may mean caregiving is be too much for you? You need to protect your back.
Removing your mother from her healthy routine will not end well for either your mother or sister. Who will be responsible if things go wrong in Miami?
Your idea - having your sister visit her mother in your home - is a good one and I would not budge from it.
You have answered your own question with these statements. So yes, don't take her out of her element.