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Coming home an hour ago, I drove past the diner that she frequents and where she has stayed all night a few times in the past month.


I watched her from my car while she sat on the stool at the counter, talking to a couple of guys. When I got home, DH asked if I went in and said no. Maybe I should have, I’m now thinking.....


She actually picked up the phone when I called her today and spoke to me. She spoke like everything was fine, like she didn’t remember yelling at me on the 9th for ‘harassing her friends at the diner’ and how mad she was with me. Maybe she forgot??


Anyway, thinking no good would come of me stopping by the diner on Wednesday nights. She wouldn’t be happy to see ME there.


I’m always led to do something - this waiting for something to happen is hard. I’m trying to keep the faith that GOD has His hand on her and pray for her protection.


Next Wednesday night, who knows - I may stop in the diner to ‘get a piece of pie’.

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I remember these posts and the OP said Mom had fallen at the diner. I don’t remember if it was more than once, but the staff at the diner was charged with picking her up and making sure she was not injured. We discussed with OP the fact that it is imposing on the staff to more or less “babysit” mom and I suggested that if she falls again, the manager should call 911 and perhaps a big, embarrassing fuss would dissuade Mom from spending overnights there. The manager has obviously not asked Mom not to return, so in a way, if she should fall again, it’s on him.

However...

in reading this latest post, it sounds like OP is “trolling” Mom and has her under surveillance. OP says in her profile and in this latest post that she drives past the diner looking for Mom and then watches Mom inside the diner when she spots her. If my daughter or son did this to me, I’d go out to their cars and turn them over my knee. If I mess up, it’s on me.

OP’s mom made it this far without being supervised. Unless she has severe dementia, which it doesn’t sound like she has, she has the right to spend her nights anywhere she wants. OP is not responsible. They have met with the manager of the diner. If he does not want the responsibility of watching Mom, he can ask her to please take her business elsewhere. It should be between no one else but Mom and the manager. If she is independent enough to spend her nights there, she is also independent enough to suffer the consequences. If she isn’t. OP needs to step up and perhaps force the issue of evaluations and examinations.

The police did a well-check, apparently, and found no real reason for concern. If Mom falls at the diner again, hopefully the manager will call 911. Old people fall. It’s an unfortunate fact of life. But, if she is hospitalized, evaluations can be done and decisions made. Being put under surveillance by a daughter who is waiting for the other shoe to drop isn’t going to change Mom’s way of life.
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AlvaDeer Aug 22, 2019
Got it. Sounds as though Mom,even according to OP is not adjudged as being out of control of her own life and in need of placement or 24 hour supervision. Until then I guess Mom is having Happy Days at the Diner. I know I would! I quite liked the corner diner in Chicago. Nothing like it in SF, I think. We all have these things that keep us happy. I agree, it is on the manager of the diner if this is a problem. I have my true crime podcasts and sewing kimonos and this writer's Mom has her diner!
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That's the thing Alva - on the face of it, no, what's the problem.

The lady is 78 years old and experiencing some general decline. So on the one hand, of course, let her enjoy herself while she can :) But on the other - who's she meeting, who are these "friends" who are around at all hours, and what are their intentions?

Maybe nothing, maybe it's all good, nobody can exactly slap a curfew on her, heaven knows the world needs its characters, and an older lady having a laugh and a Coke float and generally pleasing herself is a joy to think about.

As long as that's what it is.
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Katsmihur Aug 22, 2019
General decline including agitation, sexual actions, reduced concentration and definite impaired judgement.

I don’t know who Mom is meeting and if she is meeting anyone. Mgr said she likes to stay all night when 26-yo nite manager on duty.

These ‘friends’ are waitstaff who get AWESOME tips (I know, that’s Mom’s decision). Concerning that she feels she has to pay people to be her ‘friends’ and that she invites and pays for them to go out to movies. I’m sure Mgr would not be popular with waitstaff if he asked Mom to not hang around, so that hasn’t happened.

My letters detailing why I’m concerned about her safety due to changes we’ve seen hasn’t been received by doc (USPS status). Hopefully, whoever Mom’s new doc is will provide some help through eval.
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I am sure I am missing something. What is the problem with Mom going to the diner? This isn't a bar, if I am correct? It is an all night diner? Sounds as though she has friends there? Have there been problems you don't mention here?
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Katsmihur Aug 22, 2019
Yes, all night diner & not a bar. She thinks they are her friends - so why hasn’t she introduced us? She knows all my friends.
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