Should I get POA if my Mom moves across country with my cousin?

Whoever is taking care of your mom should have POA.

What my mother (age 95, with dementia) and father (age 99, legally blind) have done with my brother (who lives 1600 miles away) and me is have two legal and medical POAs prepared. That way, if I can't do something for them or make a decision that has to be made, there is a back-up plan. The POAs specify that I am the primary decision-maker. My parents live in assisted living, so my husband and I can take a vacation now and then and know that my brother will be contacted in an emergency. My husband and I did the same thing when we set up our own POAs. His two sons have joint duties related to us, but the one that still lives close by has the primary decision-making responsibility. This was set up by an elder law attorney. Not a cheap effort, but at least it gave us peace of mind.

While your cousin is nice to be stepping up, I question moving a 93 year old across the country (2000 miles). This isn't the best for a 93 year old. It sounds like your care and knowing her surroundings has helped her to be able to keep some of her memory skills, she is at peace where she is. All of this speaks to your good care. I would prepare myself for that not being maintained when it is ripped away from her.

Without financial assets, you may not need a POA for most things. However, you are at the stage where you need an advanced directive stating what mom wants in case medical decisions at such an advanced age. If the cousin is taking her she might wish to get both, since you will be too far away at 2000 miles to react to medical emergencies.

I think that the main caregiver should also be the POA. It would have solved a lot of problems in my situation. With such limited assets I am not sure if it is necessary.

Social Security requires a Representative Payee to be set up for someone who is not POA, based on my experience. That is a less expensive option, but an attorney should be consulted anyway, IMO.

If your mother has dementia, she will need a court to issue the POA. The only money anyone will get is her $250 social security death benefit which isn't even enough to bury or cremate her. Someone needs the POA to get her Home Health or Hospice when the time comes. Do you realize that a doctor or hospital doesn't give out information on a patient anymore if you can't produce the POA? The POA ends at death so someone needs to take her to the bank and make sure their name is on her checking and savings account along with hers so they can pay her bills and medications.

What about a good dementia specific nursing home or assisted living facility near you?

I agree with Lizann, yet I believe that anyone and everyone should have a POA, Medical POA and Financial POA. Having a living Will protects you and you choose what you want in life or end of life. You and your cousin should both be listed in the POA or at least in the Medical POA, so doctors are able to communicate and that POA has authority to make medical decisions. If one person can not perform the duties needed, the other can step up and provide the care needed.

My family - we have each others back, if one becomes ill or can't do the job, it is written in the Will for the other to take over.

This has nothing to do with POA's, but my thought is how well does your mother know/remember your cousin? If she does GREAT! If she does not remember, your mother may feel as though she is in a strange place if not a strangers home, which can reduce her life span if she becomes depressed or more confused - please make sure her surroundings are hers. Anything she has or likes, put it near her or in her room especially photo's of you and those she is or was very close too. You would be surprise what they have stored in the mind.

Knowing people in the business of Home Care and dealing with caregivers, you be surprised what happens to those young and old when those they know and recognize are not around.

Good luck

My sister insisted I move our mother across the country to live with me when she was 92, and she went into a terrible depression. Please think long and hard about the consequences to your Mom's health before you make this a permanent move.

I agree, at her age a major relocation is not a safe option. Placing her in a group home near you would be a better alternative. She can get consistent care, be near by and have a short move distance. It will take a few weeks for the adjustment, but I did this with my Dad and it worked great for several years.