Should I get POA if my Mom moves across country with my cousin? - AgingCare.com

Should I get POA if my Mom moves across country with my cousin?

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She is 93 and lives with me...does have dementia but seems to respond to questions from others quite well....my 34 year marriage , my business, and my hub are suffering being the only caregivers and a cousin who said she would take my mother in aug. Has now bumped it to October supposedly..no one has POA as of now....if she goes to live with my cousin 2000 miles away should she have it? There are no assets whatsoever involved other than her SS check

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I agree, at her age a major relocation is not a safe option. Placing her in a group home near you would be a better alternative. She can get consistent care, be near by and have a short move distance. It will take a few weeks for the adjustment, but I did this with my Dad and it worked great for several years.
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My sister insisted I move our mother across the country to live with me when she was 92, and she went into a terrible depression. Please think long and hard about the consequences to your Mom's health before you make this a permanent move.
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I agree with Lizann, yet I believe that anyone and everyone should have a POA, Medical POA and Financial POA. Having a living Will protects you and you choose what you want in life or end of life. You and your cousin should both be listed in the POA or at least in the Medical POA, so doctors are able to communicate and that POA has authority to make medical decisions. If one person can not perform the duties needed, the other can step up and provide the care needed.

My family - we have each others back, if one becomes ill or can't do the job, it is written in the Will for the other to take over.

This has nothing to do with POA's, but my thought is how well does your mother know/remember your cousin? If she does GREAT! If she does not remember, your mother may feel as though she is in a strange place if not a strangers home, which can reduce her life span if she becomes depressed or more confused - please make sure her surroundings are hers. Anything she has or likes, put it near her or in her room especially photo's of you and those she is or was very close too. You would be surprise what they have stored in the mind.

Knowing people in the business of Home Care and dealing with caregivers, you be surprised what happens to those young and old when those they know and recognize are not around.

Good luck
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Try moving her to a nursing home. Start looking around then show her the ones you like. That way you can still visit her. It will not be anymore shocking to her than moving 2000 miles away. Tell her that you are asking her while she can provide input, and that she might enjoy the company and activities there. Set up a schedule to take her out to dinner each week. Join her for dinner there at first. Write down compassionate reasons you are doing this, your family, that she will eventually exceed your ability to provide care sooner than later, and that you still love her. Medicaid and social security will cover care if her MD prescribes it, I think (check on that, I don't know for sure). But start looking first, and check out ratings on line.
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I think that the main caregiver should also be the POA. It would have solved a lot of problems in my situation. With such limited assets I am not sure if it is necessary.
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What about a good dementia specific nursing home or assisted living facility near you?
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Your mom knows you. Try to find another solution.
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CAN YOU GET HOSPICE IN TO HELP YOU AND FAMILY AT YOUR HOME? I WOULDN'T WANT MOM TO MOVE THAT FAR AWAy, especially at her age. Have you tried getting help for her near you? Hopsice, call them they may have a better answer.
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If your mother has dementia, she will need a court to issue the POA. The only money anyone will get is her $250 social security death benefit which isn't even enough to bury or cremate her. Someone needs the POA to get her Home Health or Hospice when the time comes. Do you realize that a doctor or hospital doesn't give out information on a patient anymore if you can't produce the POA? The POA ends at death so someone needs to take her to the bank and make sure their name is on her checking and savings account along with hers so they can pay her bills and medications.
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Social Security requires a Representative Payee to be set up for someone who is not POA, based on my experience. That is a less expensive option, but an attorney should be consulted anyway, IMO.
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