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Mom has been in AL since February. She is always lamenting she misses her bed. She's on Zoloft so her mood is 50% better than it was (she was always a complainer, but now not quite as much - unless I spend more than 1/2 hour with her in her room - then that is all she knows how to do - complain.)

It was an adjustment moving from a three room IL apartment to one room AL, (dementia but she is still quite lucid and mobile) She didn't want to move but they told us she could not stay because she needed more help. She had to give up her queen size bed and dressers for a single bed and single dresser. (That's all the dresser she needed anyway - 75% of what was in the 2 dressers was junk, not clothes)
She brought up the bed again saying she feels like she is going to fall out in the night and she hates it. (Frankly, I don't blame her one bit - my hubby and I have twin beds. The queen wasn't big enough because I am restless and a king won't fit up the stairs. I end up sleeping in the guest room in the queen bed most nights. I hate the twin bed too.)

Although it will be a lot of work, finding another bed, setting it up and removing the old one, I would be happy to get her a double bed but I'm not sure that would give her much space to move around in her room. (I will ask them at AL if its ok).
I haven't brought it up with my sister yet because she will have a reason why not want to do it. She never agrees with me or wants to do anything I suggest. She will bring up she is 100 and she will complain just the same. (no doubt she will) Not that it matters, if I decide to do it, I will, and hubby and I will end up doing it ourselves anyway.

I just want to make sure Mom is comfortable and I'm not sure if the bed is just one of the complaints that is in her "loop of gripes" or if she really is needing the larger bed. (She is only about 5 ft tall and weighs 90 pounds.)

What would everyone else do?

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The ALF might not be keen on the larger bed because, looking ahead to when/if your mother needs more help, God forbid, with turning, changing etc., it's harder to get at the patient if you're reaching across a wider expanse of mattress.

Having said that, I think back to mother's all-singing all-dancing variable pressure fully adjustable air bed and still I wonder if her last days wouldn't have been cosier and happier in her own familiar double bed, and hang the pressure sore risk. So if money's no object, I'd get your mother whatever bed she's really used to and happiest in - but be prepared to chuck it out and get something more practical for nursing purposes later on if need be. Expensive option! :/
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I would hate to go from my queen size bed to a single. But I would also hate the claustrophobic feeling of having a room too full of furniture. I expect I will have a lot of adjustments in going to a care center! And no one will be completely able to satisfy me.

I guess I'd make this decision based on the size of the room and weighing the benefits of a large bed vs the drawbacks of a crowded room. Which would really be the lessor of the evils inherent in the situation. You can't reach perfection for Mom but you can do your best to improve things.
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My mother wanted a full bed with headboard. She went back and forth on it for a long time, then finally said yes, it is what she wanted. That is when the nightmare began. First, the bed wasn't right. She pushed it about the room until she finally broke the headboard. So I took off the headboard. All was okay for a day or so. Then she decided she wanted a single bed again. Then she decided she wanted both a headboard and footboard -- not enough room!

I think Jeanne gave the most logical answer. Look around her room. Would a double bed work? Would it really make her happy? Or would she complain tomorrow that it took up too much room or was too hard to make up? You know your mother and the room, so have a better idea than we do.

BTW, I went from a king bed to a single when I moved in here. No problem, really, though the bigger bed was more psychologically satisfying. When you're married for a long time you really only use a small part of the bed, so there wan't much change. When my father died, I put his hand grip on my bed, since it seemed the logical place to store it. I like it, though I can't say why. Maybe it's like a little boundary that would keep me from rolling out.
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When memory becomes a problem, I think you look for things in your environment to be familiar. Going from a queen to a single is a big adjustment. She probably will be happier with more space. And about the loop of gripes, it might be that is one of the only things she can remember to carry on a conversation. Getting older many times is accompanied by isolation and loneliness. Just try to be supportive by listening and reassuring her that it must be hard. Seriously, it really sucks getting older and losing what you once had.
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Please go with a bigger bed! Our elderly have so few pleasures in life at that age and if the bigger bed gives her even an ounce of joy for her last remaining weeks, months, years ........ it is SO worth it!

I think this is a case of us never being "that old" and not understanding what we would be like at that age. They all know what it is like to be our age;)
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Thanks everyone. I'm going to see her tomorrow and will first speak with the staff to make sure its ok, and to find out if others have double beds. Then I'll figure out how to do it.
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My Mom with ALZ DZ has a double bed and I'm finding it to be a problem. It was no big deal when she could move easier and adjust herself in bed but she is now getting frailer and needs some help getting positioned in bed. Helping her with repositioning
and getting settled would be much easier with a twin bed. Also, her room is small and there are times now when she needs to use her walker or transport chair so open space is a premium. I know we want to make our family comfortable but sometimes we have to go with practical. If you think her condition will continue to decline and she'll need help with positioning in bed I vote sticking with the twin.
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Amy, have the bed delivered and set up by the mattress company. Arrange it, you can do it!
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Will it fit in the AL? If so, the double bed would be better than a twin.
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If its the expense you're worried about, we were able to replace moms very old mattress with a completely clean, basically new one listed on craiglist from someone who had it in a guest room. Obviously, be careful if you go this route, but we couldn't see going through the hassle and expense of a new mattress that would likely get wetted and not used for long if another move is in the future. Mom barely noticed the switch, and we didn't have to worry her about finances.
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