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This is one of the MOST stressful situations I have ever been in. I live in the US, grew up with my dad, and am now his health/finance POA. He is 88 with moderately advanced dementia and recent Alzheimers diagnosis. His wife, my stepmother, passed away 6 months ago and I have spent months of my 1st year of marriage away from husband managing everything for my dad, including making a comprehensive care plan for him as I live in another state. His other adult children, 3 daughters from first marriage who live in the UK, all of a sudden developed a greater interest in him after I had put his life back together and discovered he inherited a life insurance policy from his late wife. They wanted to know all the details of his assets and one of them decided she would buy a house in England but I, as his POA, would need to transfer most of his money immediately to her (40K) in order for her to put a payment on the house. At first, I was open to her plan b/c I thought he could be well looked after by his family in England, until I realized it was crazy to send all his money to buy HER a house in her own name, leaving him with no financial security. I spoke to an elder lawyer who told me that as POA I would be violating fidiuciary duty to send her the money. My father, given his mental state, would also waffle back and forth about whether he wanted to go. One day he'd say that such a big move would "finish him off" (and his doctors advised against it due to Alzheimer's), the next day while on the phone with UK family he would tell them how nice it would be to be there. They have done many crazy things like sneak out and take him to the bank when I am not around both to get his statements and to withdraw funds (claiming I am blocking him from his own accounts--NO, I am blocking THEM), threaten to kidnap him to England when I am not there (I heard this when one of them let it slip), having him sign a real estate contract to sell his house when I was out of town and then claiming that's what he wanted to do, telling him I am trying to institutionalize him when his carer/nurse is taking him to a routine doc appointment, making him have a mini stroke from the stress, etc, etc. The list keeps going. As soon as I head back home to my husband and work, they start calling incessantly convincing him I have bad motives and trying to get him to revoke my POA so they can get access to everything. Mind you, they have barely even been in his life for years and I have been taking care of him, and there for him for my entire life. Three of his doctors have each filled out medical reports that he is incompetent to make sound decisions and can no longer manage his affairs. They have all recommended guardianship, but of course he thinks he is fine and doesn't want it. I am considering going immediately for emergency guardianship to get the others to back off, but am concerned about a difficult proceeding if it's fought. I NEED to get back to my life. I am generally unable to relax anymore due to the major stress of constantly worrying what they will do next. He has said many times he wants to stay put but they want to move him to England and take everything he has. Should I go for guardianship? At times I feel desperate and alone in this situation. I used to be so close with my dad but I am even starting to resent him since he keeps telling everyone what they want to hear and perpetuating misery. Would love to hear from advice and ideas for how to get this situation under control and be able to relax and live my life again!

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I applied for and was granted guardianship for my wife to be able to protect her and her assets. I was not worried about family but in this area there were what are called professional guardians, and that is what concerned me because of their questionable
services. That has been mostly been corrected recently.
It gives me almost complete control over her estate, finances, daily living and medical care. We don't have any relatives that would interfere.
One thing that was done by the court is to freeze unauthorized withdrawals from her accounts. I have a monthly limit on how much I can withdraw for her needed expenses. And the way I understand it only the government has the ability to withdraw funds.
We have separate accounts for most things. I continued my spousal duties of paying for food, etc. I use her money to buy or pay for things she may want or need, such as clothing, diapers, hair and nail care.
Having the guardianship really helped me relax a lot. It may be work but at least I don't worry about outsiders messing with us.
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Thanks, SnoopyLove!
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I don't have anything to offer about the legalities, but to me it seems like you definitely cannot in good conscience let your dad fall into the clutches of these people. Their actions show they are not to be trusted and don't have his best interests at heart, as you obviously do. Plus, of course you would be worrying even more with him in another country at their mercy. I think your dad acted wisely in giving you POA and that by obtaining guardianship you would be continuing to best help and protect him.

Sorry you're dealing with this!
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Thank you so much, Jamie for the clear response.
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Also please join us on the Alzheimer's support forum. Lots of great folks with experience in this. alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx
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It does sound like guardianship is the proper route in this case. Can you imagine the difficulty for him and for you if he were to move to England and then have his "support system" fall apart in a foreign country. Get your ducks in a row and do it. If you can demonstrate that you've been working in his best interests this should not be difficult. Most judges would be hard pressed to give priority to non-American offspring. And finally, when guardianship is complete, hire folks to handle the things that cause you the most stress. The reporting aspect of guardianship (all of the paperwork) should be at the top of the list.
Blessings,
Jamie
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The other thing to note: the other children have tried everything to sabotage what I am doing for my dad, claiming elder abuse, etc. They called Adult Protective Services who came several times to the house and found nothing wrong. They are constantly trying to turn him against me and to convince him I am against him, even though I have sacrificed much time energy life and resources to help him. It's really horrible!
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