No, you can't FORCE a 98 year old to take a shower. My 96 year old mother would never take a shower or a bath. I had to use disposable washclothes and shampoo caps on her. She wouldn't let me do it very often either.
It's very common with dementia/ALZ (as said in your profile) for an elder to not want to bathe. Watch some Teepa Snow videos on the hand-under-hand technique she's developed to ease the elder's mind and make her feel more relaxed about taking a shower. She also has other videos about bathing in general.
Many elders suffering from dementia have fears about water. My mother felt the shower floor was 'slippery'; it wasn't, but SHE felt it WAS. Showers were a struggle & the staff at her Memory Care AL were having trouble with her anxiety. One day, I think God came to me and said "Water Shoes". It was like a light went off in my mind. When I got home, I ordered a pair on Amazon and she's never had an issue since. The hand held shower head recommended to you is another good idea. If you can figure out WHY your mother doesn't want to shower, that might help you figure out a solution.
Of course you should never 'force' her to bathe; I can't even imagine what that would look like, and what the next time would devolve into! The more you fight & argue with a dementia sufferer, the worse the outcome will be. The goal is to make the person feel safe enough to do what you ask her to............and that's where Teepa Snow comes in very handy with her talks & tips. She's also quite funny & charming to watch.
Wishing you the best of luck learning all about your mother's condition and how best to help her AND yourself deal with it.
Agree with funkygrandma59. We couldn't get my very elderly aunt into the shower but the aid could. Agree with all her other suggestions, also if you can install a hand-held shower attachment with controls on the handle, not the wall, this will help at shower time.
Often times when family members are having a hard time getting a loved one to shower, it's best to hire an aide to come in to assist, as they are more likely to listen to them, than the family member.
Also make sure that she has grab bars, a shower seat, a slip resistant matt(in the shower), and lots of help getting in and out, as often times they are just too afraid that they're going to fall and that's why they resist getting in.
And last but not least, if your mom at 98 is just not all that mobile any more, you can just give her a sponge bath in the bed. My husband who was completely bedridden for the last 22 months of his life, was bathed by the hospice aides twice a week in his hospital bed. You can also use the extra large body wipes as well, for in between baths. Best wishes.
Many elders suffering from dementia have fears about water. My mother felt the shower floor was 'slippery'; it wasn't, but SHE felt it WAS. Showers were a struggle & the staff at her Memory Care AL were having trouble with her anxiety. One day, I think God came to me and said "Water Shoes". It was like a light went off in my mind. When I got home, I ordered a pair on Amazon and she's never had an issue since. The hand held shower head recommended to you is another good idea. If you can figure out WHY your mother doesn't want to shower, that might help you figure out a solution.
Of course you should never 'force' her to bathe; I can't even imagine what that would look like, and what the next time would devolve into! The more you fight & argue with a dementia sufferer, the worse the outcome will be. The goal is to make the person feel safe enough to do what you ask her to............and that's where Teepa Snow comes in very handy with her talks & tips. She's also quite funny & charming to watch.
Wishing you the best of luck learning all about your mother's condition and how best to help her AND yourself deal with it.
Also make sure that she has grab bars, a shower seat, a slip resistant matt(in the shower), and lots of help getting in and out, as often times they are just too afraid that they're going to fall and that's why they resist getting in.
And last but not least, if your mom at 98 is just not all that mobile any more, you can just give her a sponge bath in the bed. My husband who was completely bedridden for the last 22 months of his life, was bathed by the hospice aides twice a week in his hospital bed. You can also use the extra large body wipes as well, for in between baths. Best wishes.