As Power of Attorney for our mother, should I feel obligated to discuss plans for her care with my siblings who don't help?

Karen---If you have POA, and I am guessing you are there for the most part for your Mom---then in my estimation, a family meeting might be a good idea to iron things out. Your other sibs have to realize that you have the power to make the final decisions-but willing to listen to their input at the same time. From what I have witnessed-this seems to be a rather common occurance amongst sibs....tell them you need their SUPPORT and UNDERSTANDING-if they are not amenetable (SP)--then this becomes their problem and NOT yours. Your Mom gave you POA for a reason-weather they like it or not. I personally went thru something similar---Your sibs have to respect all that you are doing. Hope I have not been too harsh!
Best to you on your caregiving journey,
Hap

"You have to know how difficult it is to be the sole caregiver among 6 sibs with the majority of them criticizing my every move." You have your answer right there. If the sibs are not involved, criticize you, and it is causing you stress, by all means leave them out of the loop. If they want to be "in" the loop they need to approach you in a more respectful way. If they do not respond to the positive approach keep your conversations with them brief until they get the message.
They only way any of us can become a door mat is to lie down. Use some tough love on them. If they get offended at least you will have some lovely peace and quiet. If they offer their "advice" tell them that it would be far more helpful if they would come and stay with your Mom while you take a break. That should help them keep the lips zipped.
Heaven knows this journey is tough enough...do not open the door to these energy vampires.
Peace,
Lilli

If you are the POA, NO you have NO obligation legally to discuss, I have been to 4 lawyers, moms and ours, and discussed this exact question to my siblings who do nothing except occasional visits. If they want to come and take her out, you can tell them anything you might want to,maybe they will come MORE then, otherwise no, you do NOT have to.
PS it will also cause you stress as they will question and suggest and try and tell you what to do, its not worth it, Its hard enough being the caretaker as it is, I wish mine would fall off the face of the earth to tell you the truth. You will find the ones who flap their mouths the most, do the least. haha have to laugh, but its true. Keep up the good work!

I have 6 sisters, I have a poa and I am the sole caregiver. NONE of the other sisters help,in the begining of this long 7 yrs of caring for our Mom we had the family meetings and
I did all of what the above people suggested,but they only helped for the first 2 yrs after that everyone of them weasled there way out of the obligation,so now I dont feel any remorse or regret in telling them anything,they dont call and dont come to see her. Recently i moved for financial reasons,and one of the sisters had the odasity of calling and telling me that I took Mom to far away and I have a problem. Yes! i do I responded the problem is them they knew where I lived for 6 1/2 yrs and no one came by to pick her up or visit or call I have not changed my number in 7yrs. So in my anger I told her, I am not keeping our Mom from any of you INFACT I WILL PERSONALLY TAKE MOM TO SEE YOU AND PACK HER BAG FOR A MONTH SO YOU CAN GET RE-Nuited,Do you know what she did-SHE MY SISTER HUNG UP ON ME. Imagine that the minute I put the ball in there court. I say do what you must God and your parent are those who Matter! Let the siblings wallow in there self-pity. Nothing you do will be good enough!!!

I say HECK NO!!!! Especially if they are not helping to care for her willingly! They probably want to know what's going on to see if they're able to get something out of it - when it's all said and done! Sounds cruel, but if they are not concerned enough to help care for your mom then they shouldn't be concerned about knowing her business! That's just my 2 cents! Good luck and keep doing what you're doing! Pay absolutely NO attention to the distractions. S/N - 'family meetings' are useless in some families. I know it is in mine.

I think some of these answers may be helpful with regard to listening & informing your siblings, BUT your mother has made you POA and The President of her aging world - let that knowledge and power (if it is needed) ease your stress. You can ask your siblings for input and you can listen to their comments but it will be YOUR decision. A stress-free you is the best thing for your mother (and you & your direct family). Maybe some of your requests for input from uninvolved siblings can evolve to "this is what Mom & I have decided to do....". Start with small decisions and they will soon learn. Good luck.

Thanks everyone, you know it is also a bit of a disheartening feeling to discover after all these years that when it comes to something so important as the care and wellbeing of a mother who gave all she had to us, her children, that my siblings are ultimately so different from my mother (who cared for all who were sick, injured, or aged) in the family. I guess part of this is the realization that I am alone among my siblings. It is a sad to discover that those so close to myself are not what I thought they are. It is embarrassing too. I guess I need to come to terms with my feeling in this subject too. Don't get me wrong, I'm really not angry, just let down in the sort of people they apparently are. Makes me feel like a fool for having been there over the years for them. I see that those favors will never be returned, not that I did them in an exchange, just with a feeling that we need to be there for one another. Sad.

Madre Mia, thankyou for your support all to often I feel disappointed in my sisters,and I try to refocus my self on to positive things like my Moms laugh and smile. My children and husband and his grandmother who also lives with us. But youre right on target, I dont know what I would do if I didnt have this forum. This is my secondary FAMILY now and I thank God every night for each and every one of you!!!!

I am in a very similar situation where siblings do not help in any way shape or form, call mom MAYBE twice a year for a few minutes, and then harrass and literally verbally abuse me for my efforts as sole caregiver and POA. I am going to take a chance and simply cut them out of MY life, I will not make reports on mom and will not concern myself with thier occasional false concern for her. If they feel need to know something, they should call her more (or maybe VISIT?!? It's been twenty years since they have seen her or me) or stop being abusive to the one person (Me) who can satisfy thier curiousity. My life as sole caregiver is stressful and difficult enough without thier misguided nonsense, and hateful animosity.

Jujubee: Heavens no! My Mother has no money! She's on Medicaid and I am paying for anything she needs that isn't covered in any other way. While my finances are limited, I am always there to provide or figure out a way for my Mom to get what she needs. There is no one being a martyr here, I am happy to care for my Mother and love every day I have with her. I am just out of energy doing it all and making calls, emailing, texting, etc trying to keep people who otherwise don't call or visit informed. Since the original post, I only update the others on a major issue or change in her health and leave it at that. I am only one person, and if they want to be involved they need to make their own effort.