Why should I feel guilty? - AgingCare.com

Why should I feel guilty?

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I am my moms POA. I have been doing this since 2007. My dad just passed and I was his also. My mom has a small savings like $9000. She wants me to have it but I have a sister. My sister has done nothing to help my parents in years. I mean nothing. My husband says since I am in charge of moms life pretty much, I have the right to get some sort of pay. His moms lawyer had told him this when his mother passed, but he declined because he felt all his siblings helped out, and did not find it necessary. My parents let my sister buy their house for a lower amount than they could of gotten about 15 yrs ago. My sister also claimed they owed her $10,000 which they paid her back. I myself never asked for any money back when they were in financial trouble. They also never had anything legally done for my sister to buy me out, it was going to be both our house at one time but I bought my own when I got married. So, I got nothing out of that either. Am I sounding greedy if I talk to lawyer about this? Mom does not have much at all, and most of it will probably be spent on doctor bills and funeral expenses, but I dont know why I feel so funny about this. My sister and I do not speak, only when we have to, I have not felt like her sister in years, been thru a lot with her, she is all for herself, I know she will filp if she doesnt get a penny from mom. She recently got divorced and my brother in law bought her out and she got $120,000. Plus the $10,000 from my parents, plus lived there her whole life until now and paid whatever she could afford a month. They took care of her, her whole life even when she was married.

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My first thought is, unless mom has life insurance, you will need the $9,000 for funeral expenses.
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Make arrangements for your mother to make her will. Do not tell her what to put in it, that is for her to decide. Then let it be.
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If your mom agrees that you should get whatever is left, you need to get that put down in a will with a witness stating that she was of sound mind when the will was made out, and she needs to state very clearly that you would get whatever is left, if anything, after everything is settled. Your sister is probably going to be so mad that she'll never speak to you again, but doesn't sound like you speak anyway. Hopefully we care for our aging parents out of love, not out of what we expect to get for it, but would be a very kind gesture for them to want you to have something for all you've done. If she dies without a will, it will go to court and whatever is left will get split 50-50 with your sister, no getting out of it.
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Start now, dont wait until she passes, 1/3 of it will go to a lawyer.Your Mom can gift you that $9.000 also. Why not make out a caregivers contract, you are entitled if you are giving her 24/7 care. even ss allows you rent from her. Your sibling wont feel one oz of guilt taking money when she passes, believe me, when you deserve it.
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Have her write her will and make you sole beneficiary.
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Ps. No she des not have a will, and she dies not gave dementia, she s fine, she is thinking about writing one up.
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I think I wrote my question improperly. I meant after she passed. My moms money is and will always be hers even after she passes. When All bill and funeral expenses are paid , if anything is left over is the question. My sibling has gotten money put of my parents her whole life and I have never asked for anything back because simply , they are my parents. My husband is angry with her because he sees everything I have been doing over the years and she has done nothing but complain about tem, it got him angry. He feels if there is $50 left over I have the right to keep it. I on the other hand do not want h
O hear her mouth and would rather just spit it. I do feel I deserve it though. Thank you for your opinions.
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jdfamily, you absolutely deserve it ! I have been to a lawyer and he told me years ago that if one person does all the work then the other siblings need to be stopped from inheriting an equal amount of the estate. You could have had a caregivers contract all of those years, do it now! You are not taking your moms money, you are taking your lazy ass siblings inheritence and deserve it, you deserve more. please do not feel one ounce guilty and get to a lawyer! Your Moms mind could start to go and she might say you stole it, dementia is a funny thing in that respect. Good Luck, I am finishing year 6 with my mom in my house 24/7 care and my siblings do nothing! I cant wait until they find out her funeral is paid and her money is gone!
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I agree: the ONLY important thing is your mother's wishes. If you're not able to ask her directly, then the right thing to do is to ask yourself honestly what your mother would want to do with her money. Forget all the credits and debits from before: what does or would she want to leave her children of the little she has left to leave?

If you're already feeling guilty, then my guess would be that your instinct is she would want you to share equally.
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Does your mom have a will? What does the will say? Now is the time for your mom to get her wishes put down on paper so there's no arguing once she's gone. If you wind up with anything after your mom goes, your sister is sure to argue/challenge you about it. So get it on paper now, before it's too late.
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