In May my father unceremoniously kicked his wife of 63 years out of the house after my mother sided with my brother in an argument. Although their last few years had been very difficult for mum, she was unaware that her naturally narcissistic husband was deep in the throws of FTD and Alzheimers. With five children to help her 'escape' we took on the decision making. Her departure escalated his dementia as he tried to cope with ADLs until one day we found him on the laundry floor peeing in a drain, bleeding from the cuts on his head from falls.
He now lives in a secure high care nursing facility and has come to terms with his diagnosis and prognosis. He is medicated (unknowingly) and this has changed his personality and thankfully his aggressive mood. At the moment he is kind, patient, gentle and VERY REMORSEFUL. Our visits are welcome but quite emotional for him. He said yesterday he desperately wants to see mum. I am not sure if he is able to apologize, but says he just wants to talk and laugh about old times. Mum, 82, has been through as much trauma as we have in the last few months moving from house to house, trying to figure out the rejection. We keep her in the loop and she is very concerned about him and is so sad how things have ended.
I feel she has tried to talk herself into hating him because of his controlling and narcissistic personality and she wonders why she put up with him for so long. I worry that as she is so used to fighting and arguing with him she could be quite spiteful towards him. As I am not sure how long dad will be in the adorable phase I feel the time is now if we are to reunite them. I guess I am asking if this is a pandora's box I need not open?