When my baby was born, few months later, my mother in law have retina tear in her left eye, went forward for surgery. Few days after surgery, she went to clean up the house and I told her not to. Few months later, went back to see specialist. She was asked to do another surgery. Due to cost, seek another opinion from another hospital. Before the second surgery, I quickly get a helper to make sure she has adequate rest to get back her vision. 2 years later, due to commitment, I decided to end the helper contract. I need to help up with some household chores. Few months after my helper left, my maternal family have issues. My sister got admitted to hospital due to paranoid delusions, after she got sacked. In her delusions, she says she kiss my husband. In my heart, I was wondering is it I am then too successful that cause her to be in this state. Unable to face her then, I did not visit her in the hospital. I started to stop working, being absorbed in my fears that if I am better, my sister condition will worsen. My parents getting to be in their mid sixties. And the house gets more messy. My dad decided to retire. After 6 months of my sister being hospitalized, I finally got courage to see her. Telling myself I got to see her twice a week for at least one month. After one month of seeing her in hospital, I decided to see her once a week. For over 3 or 4 months, she start to get better. Able to eat on her own, and now she is going to go through rehab for another 2 months. If everything went well, she will be able to discharge from hospital. Now my job is having lesser income, I am asking myself who can I depend on? Who can help me get through this? I don't have an answer. My husband can't help me take over my financial commitments. Feeling despaired and energy drain... How long do I need to take care of others? Can they fend for themselves and don't bother me anymore. I have enough stuff on my plate already... Anyone can show me some light?

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It sounds like you scaled back on your work thinking that your success might have made your sister feel bad and cause her paranoia. However, her paranoid delusions are probably something in her genes that went off--it has nothing to do with you and was not caused by your good qualities and success.

You are a good sister and feel badly for your sister, but never hold yourself back--don't sabotage yourself! The more competent you become and the more money your earn, the more you can help your sister, your child, husband, family and the world.

Your husband should be sharing your family and financial obligations. But it sounds like you are doing more than your fair share--you are taking care of his mother and the housework and child but not expecting him to help with much. This isn't fair to you and over time you will become angry, burned out and maybe sick.

Your husband could pay for a house cleaner for his mother. You could go back to working and earning as you were before. Be sure to get exercise and eat well, do things you enjoy and get some time outside every day. You could visit your sister a little less if you can't keep going once a week and instead write or call her.

You sound very responsible and thoughtful but you are young and a lifetime of this could exhaust you. I think you should be careful not to give up your life. You owe it to yourself and your child.
Helpful Answer (2)

Based on the information you provided, it doesn't seem that you need to cut ties with your family. They just need assistance but you don't have to be the one that helps all of them. Your parents may benefit from getting some in-home help that can assist in house cleaning, laundry, meals, running errands, etc. Do they have tbe funds to pay for that service? If not, (if they're eligible) Medicaid can help.

Regarding your financial issues, please elaborate on why you are making less money at your job. Also, it's your husband's responsibility to help you with your finances. Why isn't he helping? You also have a minor child and if the child is legally his, he is obligated to take care of the child ( child support). If he refuses to help, seek out a lawyer and maybe consider moving on without him. Just make sure you consult a lawyer for (at least) child support.

You don't need to be responsible for your family's problems. There are other choices that can help them. Just don't take it all on your shoulders (for your childs sake). Your baby needs you to have your sanity or you will be no good to anyone. Good luck
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