Should I convince my husband to move to a full service retirement community? He has most of his faculties and physically he is fine.

There are many things to contemplate before moving to a "full service" community. I assume by "full service" you mean a continuing care retirement community. If so, I strongly advise AGAINST moving to one that involves a "buy in" for "Life Care."

A community that is solely a rental is okay - as you can leave if it turns out not to be a fit, or if it changes over time and you no longer like it.

You never want to be trapped in a community. You never want to be trapped in a particular care facility.

Does the community allow you to have unlimited care in your home? Or do they force you out of your home if they decide you no longer fit the look for independent living? ** Once you are in a "facility," you will no longer be able to manage your care or caregivers. You will be dependent on management.

If there are meals, are you okay with eating at scheduled times?

Before moving to the community, can you tour the "care" facilities? Does that include showing up at 8 PM? . . . Which will give you a real sense of the place as it is currently. Are there residents yelling? TVs blaring? Bells going off on-and-on? Do you see staff?

Get the phone number for the care facility and try calling it one evening to see if the phone is picked up.

Are the care providers of a similar culture and background to the people living there? Often small town communities are better because the caregivers know you, or your neighbors, or you cousin, etc.

Who owns the community? Is it a non-profit or for-profit. Can you meet the actual owners? Can you even find out their names? Many communities are owned by people who conceal their identities, and don't want to be responsible for pretty much anything - except making profits.

How likely is the community to be sold?

Ideally the community is resident-owned, but those are few and far between.

Just some food for thought.

*****************

p.s. Staying in my home (wherever that is) is my highest priority. I never want to be in a long-term-care "facility." Truly, I'd rather be dead.

This to me is a no brainer. Go for it while you both can still enjoy all it has to offer, including being closer to your daughters.

Yes. You'll have a support group and activities for both of you. That's important when one passes before the other, which is the likely scenario.

Also those who have had strokes have a higher risk for another stroke. Husband's already affected mentally, but if there is a next time, it could be physically as well. Having taken care of a stroke victim, I can tell you that it would have been a whole lot better if a move to a retirement community had already taken place before my caregiving commenced.

Go for it! Good luck.

It's always better to move while the decision is yours rather than wait until a crisis occurs and you're forced into doing it.

Best of luck to you.

Are you asking if you SHOULD or if you CAN.

I would think this a good move if you are both ready for it, and especially for you this will be a good move in that care will be available when needed. But this is entirely a personal decision we each can only make by ourselves. I am 81. I wouldn't expect your input on when my partner and I should go into ALF. You can't know our circumstances, our assets, our plans re being by or not being by our children, our ability socially to be in a mix, whether independent living or in home care or ALF is in our plans. I just feel this is entirely a personal decision for you and husband, with your opinion now having the most weight due to his ongoing needs. Also input from your kids may be of enormous value.

Whatever you decide I hope it goes well and you have a feeling of safety and security, which becomes more and more important. It's very difficult to "time" with accuracy, that's for certain. I sure wish you luck,and will soon be making such decisions myself with my partner.