Should I contribute financially and continue relationship?

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My Mother has shun me, my Daughters, and husband but has no reason to do so. My Mom's grandson was accused of molesting a girl, denied it, and then avoided answering any questions. Through the years I knew he was guilty and I refused to let my girls/family around him. My mom feel I should forget about it and apologize for my actions.my actions involved asking questions. Since all this happened my mother has shun us, had family events behind my back, and tried to get in my business. When I try to talk to her about it she says in crazy. I hate that we all have no relationship but she has made it clear that on Mother's Day , thanksgiving , & Christmas she wants us nowhere around. Things have been happening in the family but she shares nothing.They will lie about taking family trips together as my mother pays. She constantly gives money to all of them and is hateful to me. I don't care about the money. My question is if she needs to go in a home or receive care my sister would not have the money to help. She could possibly not be educated to handle questions that arise. I know they don't want me around so do I break ties now ? What do I do when they need money or someone to care for her? I don't feel I should provide this. I send her gifts and respect her but I don't feel it is right to support after all she has put me through. I and my family have received the ultimate pain to me I no longer seem to have a mom

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Honey, as hard as it is to accept, unless your mother has dementia, she has the right to make her own decisions. For whatever reason, she has made the decision to believe your nephew over your daughter. That sucks, but it is what it is. You have been dealing with this for a while and it has not gotten better. I hope that you and your family have received counseling to help you deal with this situation. Please accept my condolences because you have already lost your mother.
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Caredb4, if you'll forgive me for saying so, you slightly scuffled through the important detail in your family's history: that it was your daughter, your mother's granddaughter that is to say, who was molested by your nephew, her grandson.

Now that is a hard, hard scenario for any family, let alone any mother, to cope with. Are you up to a few questions about it? I'd like to know a little more about the ages of the children when this happened, how long ago it was, and whether anyone else was involved in dealing with the incident. Or incidents?
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You are under no obligation to pay for mom's care. Since she isn't nice to you, you can write how you feel in a letter, also let her know that you realize this event has been difficult for her. Let her know family is important and that you feel left out. It is her grandson and I'm sure it's difficult to see him accused of such a crime. I don't blame you for not allowing your girls to be around him, I would be concerned too. You are not to blame for the allegations against the grandson. You did not fabricate them and like you I wouldn't want to be around him. You can schedule family events and send invitations to those you want to attend which would include your mom but not the grandson. You can make it a new tradition. Once you send your mom a letter expressing don't mention it again unless she brings it up, if she brings it up just tell her you're going to disagree on the subject so you'd prefer not to discuss it. Good luck.
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I fee so lost in all of this because as she ages I know she will need help yet she turned her back on my family. She's likes to have the very best of everything and Medicaid won't pay for where she wants to go. She makes me feel like I wear the scarlet letter. I'm depressed, eat a lot, and cry. I just don't know why. It makes me upset that my Father's hard work will be spent by the molestor as he has already been doing so. My Father is no longer alive. He never would have allowed my Mother to break ties with me as he held the family together. I just can't understand why she takes the side of her nephew as he was the one who harmed my little girl. I have tried to do the right thing by my mom but I don't Think I can any more
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Just send her a card on the holidays and leave it at that. She will get over her anger, and you can learn to not bring up painful subjects like your nephew. Just don't talk about him. You can disagree without being disagreeable.
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You are under no obligation to help financially or otherwise. It won't make much difference to mom, actually. Should she need financial help, once she's exhausted her own resources, Medicaid will step in.

Break ties if you wish, though it doesn't sound as if you have any ties to break, really. If I were going to formally do that, I'd send her a letter, assuming you love her, and express your sadness that your relationship with her has deteriorated to where it has, thank her for giving you life, and let her know that you would try to be there for her if she needed you. That should feel good from your perspective. I just don't know what else you could do.

We simply can't choose our family...I'm sorry for you.
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