My mom (92 years old) lives alone. She cannot take care of herself. My brothers and sisters live in her back door. They make sure she gets food, meds. Etc. But she falls at least 3 or more times a week. She isn’t getting a bathe for weeks. My sister said it was 3 weeks last I spoke to her. My brothers and sister are all between 65 and 70 years of age and various health problems. I live out of state hundreds of miles away and disabled myself. My sister is carrying the blunt of caring for our mom. She has had cancer twice and just lost her husband to cancer a year back. And I don’t feel that she is making sensible decisions. My mom has Medicaid and needs to be in a nursing care facility. But all of them live on my mom’s property and don’t want to move her to a nursing facility of fear of losing their homes because of Medicaid taking the property. I think they are being selfish and not giving our mom proper care. They are trying to care for her but she needs more care than they can give. It’s not only to get my mom the care she needs but also to give my sister a break. So should I call APS and will my sister be in trouble if I do?
You say that you are disabled yourself. Are you confined to your area? Is it possible that you could go to see your family in the near future?
I think it would be helpful if you could view things with your own eyes over hearing second hand information.
Your mom may need to be in a facility. Are any of you her POA? If not, your mom may not agree to moving into a facility. Your hands are tied without having a POA.
Have your siblings contacted Council on Aging in their area?
Council on Aging will assess your mother’s needs. If your mom qualifies she will receive an aide for a few hours per month. The aide will do light housekeeping, prepare food for her to eat, bathe her, change the sheets on her bed, etc.
There is a waiting period for services from Council on Aging so call as soon as you can. Another option is to hire someone from an agency. This would help mom and also your siblings.
Best wishes to you and your family.
From my understanding she does not have a POA and she probably wouldn’t agree to go in a facility. They have home health coming in to help but apparently they are terrible. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and an and 3 nephews and their families that live on my mom’s property. It was a farm and they all put Mobile Homes on the property. Thank you for the advice.
Are your siblings living in her house? Or do they have houses on HER lot? Or adjacent lots that your mom owns? They ARE being selfish, IMHO. But their concern about what would happen if mom left is not unfounded. Even if they're not being selfish, this question needs to be answered to know how best to move forward with getting mom what she needs.
I would not call APS.
Best of luck.
Is Mom on Medicaid for heath insurance or in home care? Longterm care Medicaid has a different criteria that has to be met. Just have Sister talk to a Medicaid caseworker to see what options are available to Mom and their rights.
I would ask that a visit and assessment be made. Make it clear that you live far away and cannot take on guardianship duties. Ask that a state court appoint a guardian-fiduciary for your Mom if they feel this is necessary to her well being.
This could swing either way. You Mom may wish to die in her own home now, no matter the circumstances. There are many feeding and watching over her, picking her up from falls and checking on her. It is an option, frankly, for some elderly. But a visit from APS could ascertain that. We did have an extended family situation a few decades ago in which the welfare of a child was worried over. CPS visited, interviewed all, reassured the family that they were satisfied with loving care and had seen things a "good deal worse". Nothing was done. But the intervention was calming to those who were worried enough to make the report.
I hope you'll update us as to how things go. Be prepared that it could do either way.
Probably mom would be better of in a NH. But who has POA over mom? That's who will make the decision.
Whatever you DO do--make sure it's done legally and aboveboard.