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In December we brought our Mom who lived alone in the same home for 30 years to assisted living facility. She had fallen several times , then got pneumonia and after the pandemic just seemed to be getting worse . I was the only sibling living about 45-an hour away and needless to say was back and forth for whatever we needed to do . But it was getting too difficult for both of us. I stared bringing in home care which got very expensive but she needed the extra help.
Finally after much thought, talking to my Mom we found a nice place to bring her.
Long story short in the last 3 months of her being there she’s done a rapid decline. We’re paying for rent, and the highest tier for her care but the facility is short of help and My Mom is not getting what she’ was promised. Thankfully I live close enough to be there every day. Yesterday I decided to seek hospice care for her.
She cannot eat just anything. She has trouble swallowing and only can eat Yogurt, Ice Cream, Soup, maybe scramble eggs, rice pudding, smoothies. She gets up in the morning and tries to eat something and then sits in her chair watching TV or staring into space. By 12:30 she's very tired and needs to nap / she needs help getting in and out of bed and from 130 pounds to 95 pounds she’s easy to do for me when I’m there. Her Edema in her legs , ankles and feet are getting worse even with the LASIK . She’s having hallucinations, has had another bout of pneumonia and has fallen again during a trip to bathroom during the night . This is all in the last 5 months she’s been there. She's so fragile it scares me: she has oxygen but her voice is always strained when she try’s to talk /. And now losing her bowels cause sometimes can’t get to the bathroom in time.
I want her to be comfortable for as long as she has left and I promised her she would leave this earth with dignity but I can’t be there 24 hrs everyday. She says everything is so hard.
almost like shes giving up .
This is not the Mom I know. She was always so vivacious. Talking, walking , traveling everywhere even with a walker if she had . A retired RN who worked with all kinds of patients. A woman who when I went over her house had all her makeup on hair done and dressed like she was ready for anything!!!’ Now shes but a shell of the woman I knew and who I love.
Can hospice help me help her?

I am so sorry that your mom is declining.


CHF is such a nasty situation. When diaretics couldn't keep the water out of my dad's tissue he got pneumonia regularly. He just started getting frail, losing lots of weight and started facing his mortality.

Just be there for her as much as you can and utilize all of the services that hospice offers. They will be a great help for both of you.

Great big warm hug.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Try talking to her doctor if possible. She could have a swallowing problem that can be treated. The swallowing could explain why she gets Pneumonia so often. There are exercises that can be done to help her if this is the case.
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Reply to Joniisalive13
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Yes hospice is a good call at this point, but keep in mind that hospice will only send a nurse once a week to start to check her vitals, and an aide to bathe her a couple times a week. That leaves 99% of the rest of her care on you or the staff at the assisted living facility.
It might be time to place her in a nursing home, where she will receive the rest of the care she requires.
When she gets to the point where hospice feels she has less than a week to live, you can also have her transferred to the hospice home, which will allow her to die in a more calm and peaceful setting. Moms Medicare will cover that 100%. I wish you and your mom the best.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Hospice was a godsend to my dad when he was in the end stage of a long road of CHF. Hospice was a great support and help, but not full time care. Is she in nursing home care?
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You are at the point for hospice. Financially she will still need care but the providers will provide certain visits. You should also have more support from social workers and grief counsellors. Your other advantage is the visiting nurse who can assess and help obtain comfort care medications which will be utilized in the final days, even when mom gets too weak to talk
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Reply to MACinCT
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Yes to Hospice, but it also sounds as though your mom needs Nursing Home care.

Have you consulted her doctor about what level of care she requires?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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