Should I bring my grandmother with Alzheimer's home for Thanksgiving when she's been in a nursing home for 7 months?

Your brother's idea would be a sound one; but rather than risk the entire day going horribly pear-shaped and ruining everyone's memories of both the holiday and of your grandmother's home wouldn't it be better if family members could visit your grandmother and spend some of the day with her at her new home?

Ask the NH what sort of celebration they're planning to put on - they're bound to be doing *something* special - and whether you can participate.

My mom, who also had dementia and was in a Nursing Home, went to a friend’s home for Thanksgiving when we went to visit my son out of state one year. She didn’t have a very good time. I’m sure she had no idea where she was. The friend was kind to her, but she was also busy with her family. The NH staff said my mom returned extremely disoriented and wound up in the hospital with chest pains a few days later. Nothing was found and I am sure it was stress from her afternoon out.

The Nursing Home had their own celebration for their residents and their families a week before Thanksgiving. There was much fellowship and even a harpist. Of course Mom didn’ t enjoy their efforts either. She remarked to the Recreation Director that the food wasn’t very good and the music was too loud (Neither was true) I wanted to crawl under a table.

You know her best, but I would not bring her out if she’s easily confused. Remember, you’ll have to bring her back to the facility at some point too.

mcp, when my Dad was in senior living, the dining room would have all the Thanksgiving trimmings and guest were invited, the cost was reasonable for guests. And the meal was excellent :)

Not once did I bring Dad back to my house after my Mom had passed away. I would fear that Dad would feel lost without seeing Mom sitting in her seat at the dinner table, or on the sofa watching TV. And not once did my Dad ask to visit my home. I didn't want to disrupt his routine.

Dad had sold his house, so I didn't want to confuse him as to get to my house, we would need to drive past the house my Mom and him shared.

Please note when an elder who has memory issues says they want to "go home", usually the home they are referring to his their childhood home, not their previous residence.

My dad has been in memory care for 6 months. His facility had a lovely Thanksgiving Family Night this week and my mother, sister and I had dinner with him. On Thanksgiving Day, I'm taking a "leftover" dinner of turkey sliders and potato puffs to share with him in his room during our regular visit. We've brought dad home a couple of times to visit my mother after a hospital stay. He did OK, but we don't think it's a good idea to keep doing this. His routine is extremely important to his well being.

Digital, Alzheimer's is a game changer in many ways. Key among them is working with the person's limits, which are ever changing. And this requires telling half truths or out right falsehoods because it is the sensible, kind way to respond. If a person doesn't remember that their spouse has passed, every time they are told of this the pain is fresh, raw and new. So yes, it is a lie to tell him or her that the spouse is away for a bit but will be by later. But how can one keep causing that horrid pain daily, just to tell the truth? As for belongings, once a person is in NH, there's very little of these things that they'll use. Our generation is downsizing, our kids are not wanting to be collectors of knicknacks - so why would they go into storage? Harsh, perhaps, but reality.

I also had this question. My mom’s been in AL for about four months and isn’t happy there. I’m afraid to bring her to my house for fear she wouldn’t want to leave and a scene would be made. She lived with us for about six weeks before moving and I’m afraid once she sees some of her things still here, we would have a terrible time getting her to go back. The AL home is doing a big meal and said we could join her there. That’s what we will do for Thanksgiving, but not sure what to do about Christmas.

I'm struggling with Thanksgiving myself with my parents in memory care since this summer. Most of the other residents seem to have plans to leave with their families.. so I'm afraid it will be hard on my parents not to be able to go anywhere and watch lots of the others leave.

My problem is that I am alone and have no family support.. so it would be me taking both of them.. and praying all day they don't get really confused or refuse to go back.. or some total disaster. It just isn't worth it to me.

I miss having Thanksgivings with them and I know it won't be the same this year but I am planning to make the best of it and take them a Thanksgiving dinner to enjoy at the facility.

I'm guessing Christmas will be the same as well. I am really struggling with holidays and have been for the last couple of years. The last couple of years has been just me and my parents.. so I am alone as well over the holidays and will miss them being here. If it weren't for my parents, I would prefer to just go away and forget the holidays all together.

As others have said above, it's a personal decision. People are different, but, I would be prepared for things to go south. That's based on what I have read and what I have seen with my LO.

Have you ever taken your grandmother out of the facility? I might explore how that has gone. Some time ago, I took my LO out for an appointment, (the facility's transport was unavailable) and while she seemed fine, when we returned, she had no idea where we were. She got scared and asked why I had taken her there. I had trouble convincing her to get out of the car. I got her into her wheelchair and inside, but, she was disoriented and anxious. It took a while to get her reoriented. I had to re-introduce her to the staff and other residents, show her her room, that her things were there. It was not a good experience.

Years later, I took her out on the patio to enjoy the nice weather. When we returned to the MC unit, she was confused. I had to help orient her again. So, I'd just be aware of might happen and see if you could take the party to her. Even if it's just for a half hour. I have found that the people that I know with dementia don't tolerate long visits, noise and lots of commotion.

Sometimes holidays full of noises, many relatives and stimulation are not great for person with dementia. It may be too much for her to handle and lead to a catastrophe reaction! What may seem like fun to you may only increase her confusion and fear.
Perhaps a quiet visit and a 1:1 dinner in the place where she is comfortable may be more beneficial for her.

My husband's aunt had Alzeheimers and his cousins insisted on taking her out of the nursing home and bringing her to her sister's for the holiday. His Aunt seemed confused, and at the end got very agitated and did not want to leave her sister's home and began yelling at his cousin. This was terrible for my husband and his mom. I have heard it is so much better to visit the person with AZ in the nursing home where they have become used to the place.
I suppose it would depend on how far the AZ has progressed and if the person is prone to becoming agitated.