Should I be paying my Mom half of the bills after leaving my life to live here with her? - AgingCare.com

Should I be paying my Mom half of the bills after leaving my life to live here with her?

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I draw a disability check and Mother lives on her and Daddy's Social Security. There is strictly no money to give but my thing is...I gave up my life to move in here with and care for her, lost my husband and any chances of going back to work. She expects me to pay her. She makes triple what I draw on disabilty. She has no idea of what all i do to keep her here at her home. As I said I have no husband or siblings so I am the caregiver, the housekeeper, cook, home repair man. the mechanic, the errand runner, the laundry doer,the groundskeeper, the babysitter to my 4 yr old grandson,and the doctor taxi, etc. The list goes on and on. I honestly feel like i shouldn't have to pay 1/2 of all the bills. I need to be working my part time job just to make ends meet here. What I am asking is this...My dead sisters son is going to get 1/2 of this property (that I have to keep up alone) when Mother passes. Is it to much to ask that I get the entire home and land it sits on if he doesn't help pay for home repairs and help care for her ? This really urkes me that he doesn't even help cut the grass. I know Mother sees me as her baby but I am almost 50 years old and this is really running my body and my mental stability in the ground. I just don't know how much longer I can be super woman. I'm tired.

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Dixie, you are in a safe place, but sometimes people get in a grumpy mood. I just take what applies to me and leave the rest. I had something similar happen to me when I was in my 20s. A policeman came along as I was struggling with a car of men I had escaped from. My memory blanked the things that happened out, but I remember the policeman. My hero. I'm sure I would have been killed if he hadn't happened by on that deserted road. I am glad my memory blanked out everything. I hope the memory never returns.

About paying bills -- what I do here is pay my own bills. Mom has her landline. I have my cell. Mom has her TV. I have my internet. I pay my share of groceries. She covers everything to do with the house, because it would be the same (budget plan) whether I was here or not. Funny thing is that, with dementia, she isn't even aware of my contributions. According to her she supports me totally. The truth is that her little check couldn't pay for it all. I used to tell her about the things I paid, but it went in one ear and out the other. I think it is important to her that she feels like she is caring for me, so I swallow a bit of pride and let her think it.

But I really do think that someone providing full-time care to their parents should expect room and board. I hope that as you are there longer your mother will also see the wisdom of leaving the house to you.
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dixie i pay the bills here BUT mum is only on a pension and im on unemployment benefit if mum had 3 times more than me then NO i would not pay her rent! caring is a fulltime job and many of my friends think i should pay nothing BUT mum is good to me and gives me money when i need it like dentist or hairdresser. Mum would cope if i wasnt here to pay the bills but shed have alot less for herself but she cant live alone OR cope with bills etc. she dosnt have a mortgage so we are lucky for that!
Your situation is different move out or pay nothing you are caring for her fulltime even if she dosnt see it thats the way it is. If you were not around how would she cope? they want it all dont they fulltime care and rent? i dont think so!
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After being violently attacked and left in a ditch in a thunderstorm for dead on Sept. 28, 1998 I recovered physically after 3 months in the hospital lerning to read, write, and talk again but it has been mentally a disability to even walk outside my front door so being disabled does not always mean a PHYSICAL DISABILITY! I have come a long way since then but still have issues with other people. Most of my social life is here online. Just to defend myself here and I had thought this was a plavce to discuss learn, and confide in others whom were in the same plavce as i!
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I apologize for my snappish reply. Disabled people receiving SSI or SSDI are eligible for the Social Security program called Ticket to Work and information about this is available on the website ssa.gov. Large government contracts are awarded to private companies to administer the program. The idea is to help disabled people supplement their income through some employment, maybe return fully to the work force and maintain their dignity. If you think about it, there's are a lot of disabled people who can't handle an eight hour a day job with the structure, energy, responsibilities, and restraint required, but who may be able to run errands or help out family in a less structured setting. Their ability to function may fluctuate during the day or day to day. I am sensitive to this subject because my husband has been on SSDI since about 1997. At first I hoped he would recover and work again if not to running his own business as before. I looked into the Ticket to Work program when he was sent info about it from the government. The program is still around. So is my husband and his growing list of health problems. But there are some things he can still do and some he can't.
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Vegaslady, I was always under the impression that if someone was disabled, that they themselves need someone to help them. I read Dixielicious post and she is running circles around me doing all the things that she does for her parents. This is confusing to me. I am sorry if I misunderstood.
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Yes, people on disability can earn a certain amount of money each month. I am glad, because disability is not enough to live on. I'm glad you have found a way to supplement your income, Dixielicious.

I'm in Birmingham, so I know that subsidized housing may not be the best option in this area. I imagine your mother is somewhere around 80 years old and has a good bit of pain with her arthritis and depression. What would be nice is if you could talk to her and work something out that you both think would be fair. Personally I think that doing all the chores and errands more than pays for rent and utilities. As she gets older, your help may allow her to remain in her home. That would be priceless.

I wouldn't push to get all of the house and land. Parents want to leave something to all of their children, so she may not want to do that. I would work with your mother on the living costs and forget the property for now. I don't know how long you've been with your mother. It may be that her thoughts will change as she sees how much you do for her. It is not an easy circumstance, so I sympathize completely.
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I'm getting tired of people thinking that all disabled people must be bedbound and are incapable of doing anything. Many can do things and may not even look disabled. As I wrote in another post, people on disability are encouraged to work and see if they can help support themselves, and maybe return to full time work. Quit being so suspicious.
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the only time aid and i bumped heads was if wed both find a loose pill on the floor at the same time .
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in hindsight it was all kind of fun . hospice fired an aid , aid and i worked in masonry together for the next couple of months . la , la , la , la - life goes on ..
suckers ..
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had a female friend give me the same dumb , squinty look and say the same thing . i lit her azz UP . told her to board up her place , move in with her dad, care for him till his last breath and be sure to pay half the bills -- oh nevermind . your dad died last winter of an instant heart attack on his front porch and you havent caregiven a day in your life .
i wrote a little hymn about her . you just replace hymmmn , with herrrrm ..
herrrrm,
herrrrm,
f*ck hermmmmn ..
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