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Now after my precious grandma passed almost 4 months I been coming alive. What I mean is, after 9 years of care, you kind of forget you and living for you. My grandma left me the house and some cash, but my awful sisters who gave me so much trouble with gram are actually nice now. I've been helping some of them out only because that always been my nature. The other half of me feels like why are you helping them? That is your money and you took A plus care of gram and she left it to you because all you done. Now picture this, I also took care of my mom and dad as well. I have always taken care of people. So I want to move, but I hate hearing stories of how an evil sister I am. I didn't steal nothing from my sister's. Besides the point, I am still trying to recover from the hurt when I had to take care of our parents from afar and not one of them would lend a hand. Now they want me to help them? Any suggestions....

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Your grandmother left you the house and some money for taking care of her. You also took care of your mom and dad. Take the money and run. Actually, sell the house and take that money too and run. She left it to you to thank YOU, not them. Please don't feel like you have to help them too.

Let them talk all they want, you won't be there to listen.
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Reply to PaniniSandwich
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Don't mistake their attempts at manipulation for true reconciliation. I think you need to learn to separate what your relationship with your family is in reality from what you wish it to be - sure, your sisters are all sweetness and support when they want something from you but they seem to have openly shown their true colours for years before that. You have to be the one who puts yourself first because nobody else will, if that offends them you don't have to give them the opportunity to tell you about it, as painful as it seems sometimes no family is better than a dysfunctional one.
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Reply to cwillie
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By helping them out, do you mean you have been giving your sisters money or paying bills for them?

If so, stop. It isn't only that once you run out of money these people will again be nowhere to be seen. It's also that instead of being grateful to you for your help, these people will complain that you don't give them more. Even if you were to end up giving them more than you keep, they would still cling to the story that you took your grandmother's estate and left them out in the cold. This is how people behave when they have a need to justify themselves, a grievance and a sense of entitlement combined. It just is.

You REALLY need to stop listening to anything they have to say about you.

And if you want to move, move. Don't apologise, don't explain, just go.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Thank you all for the suggestions!!! They think I am greedy, but I wasn't greedy when I took all those years of my life dedicated to grandma. When I took care of my parents, I emptied out my banking account and sold my possessions so my parents didn't have to suffer!!! I didn't think twice!!! You are all right, I am looking at what the heck am I doing.... All the horrible things they done to me between APS and false allegations, to speaking ill about me behind my back and here I am shelling out money to them. I didn't feel obligated, I just want my childhood sisters back!!!! But this will never be, the damage is done. Everything started changing when my parents started getting older and needed help. The 3 most important people in my life passed on and I have nothing to look back at! The house is in the process of closing and I am so freaking excited to leave NY and go to TN. I want to keep looking back but it makes me sad. Please pray for me and my new life.
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Reply to Jessy2you
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anonymous272157 Aug 26, 2019
Calling you greedy is a way to try to make you feel guilty.  DON'T feel guilty.  Of course it is sad. Pray for them, and put them on your grieving list. I'm sorry you should have to revisit everything with them while grieving loved ones who have died.
(5)
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Yes they want money. That’s it. If you had none to give them then they would not bother with you. So stop
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Reply to PandabearAUS
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Stop giving them money l, they will suck you dry. You worked very hard for what you have received. If you have to move away to stop your behavior do it. Sell the house and move to the place of your dreams. You owe sissies nothing. Are you trying to buy their love?
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Reply to gladimhere
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They are being kind, to get money from you. As others have said, stop giving them money and see how it goes -- their true colors will come back to the surface!

When my dad died, my sister and I were guilted into turning over the small life insurance check that dad left for us --- so his wife could pay for his funeral. Mind you, Step mom (or "sheofwhomwenolongerspeak") had a great job in HR, making far more than I will dream of! She just "Didn't have anything liquid" at the time that she could get to. It was crazy! My aunt pulled me aside the next day and said "Your dad intended that money for you. Use it for YOUR family - kids need braces? use it. Roof needs repair? use it. You and DH would like to take a weekend away to a B&B? use it. He will not be here to help you and he would want to help you if he could. This is his way of helping/loving you -- take it, let him."

Same for you -- this money is your loved one's way of thanking you for all that you did in caring for them. Take it. Use it. Feel their appreciation and love each time you use it FOR YOURSELF! [[[hugs]]] to you, because it is very hard to do this, but you will be so much the better for it in the long run!!
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Reply to calicokat
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You take that money and live your own life. Grandma wanted you to have it for all you did for her and your parents. Don't hand it out. Use it for you.
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Reply to sandy1955
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Go now and live your life for yourself. Run don't walk.....as soon as the money is gone they will go back to treating you like dirt. Its hard to disconnect from family I know from personal experience but your soul will thank you. You don't deserve this....know that.,
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Reply to 1golflady
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You are doing the right thing. You have done your Caregiving. Its your time. Please don't be sucked in. You owe them nothing. Don't try to explain yourself. And if they ever ask you to come home to care for somebody for whatever reason, a week, a month, say NO!. Its then you tell them that u took care of 3 people for years giving up your life and finances with no help. They will need to work out things themselves.

Come back and tell us how things are going.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Jessy2you Aug 29, 2019
I can tell you my freedom feels so good and I feel so free. I mean I did my duties with love for gram in everything I did but I was wilting inside. I feel like I just got out of jail lol. I will let you know and I am so happy and at peace with myself. Thank you so much
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