Is my brother's concern normal about my 81-year-old mother going to the bank alone?

brokers are there to sell also. my mother had an annunity that came up when she was 89 and he talked her into getting a new one that is not up till she is 95!
of course there are penalities for early withdrawal. that is elder abuse in my book. now my brother and i are on her accounts and i only give her a few checks, if she needs one-just to make her feel independent. she now lives in assisted living and is 93.

It is very sad when you try to make someone aware of a potential problem and that is the response that you get. My family (and I use that term loosely), has pretty much excluded me from everything family related, which at this point in my life is okay. Dad still lives with me and they do everything in their power to make me crazy. I have learned however that people can only do the things they do "to" you if you allow them. I no longer allow my family disfunction to identify who I am. I still love them and I always will. In the instance of my father and anything related I know that I am doing the best I can for him. Their opinions of me are no longer welcome into my life. Madge1, you have informed your brother of your concerns. That is all that you were trying to do in the first place. Congratulate yourself on being a grown up. Letting go of past, present and future hurts are all part of who we become as we mature. You, my friend have made it to the other side. Welcome, and bravo!!!

Thank everyone who responded to this question. I informed my brother that Mom was going to the bank by herself, just in case he wanedt to go. They really don't want to talk about "money" issues with me. So his response was "What do you care?" I guess that says it all. He is on her checking account and who knows what else. But when I asked if anyone at the bank would contact him if something fishy was going on and he just said "No, why would they/" I feel like I am pushing a boulder up hill with him. She has given him all financial power and he doesn't give a crap. He is like her, very selfish. I have done all I can do. But thanks anyway

Yes I think someone. You or your brother should go with mom to bank. Elders are often targeted after coming out of a bank, mostly because of their reaction time. I feel it would be safer for your mom to have someone with her. Especially since someone is trying to pressure her into buying things she doesn't want or need.
You may need to explain to your mom that you would feel better knowing that she isn't in a vunerlulble situation, and also the type of access your brother has to her account. That way their won't be any misunderstandings later as long as she is aware now. She may be perfectly able to conduct her own business, and if so that is awesome for her age. Our parents don't want to lose their independence & we have to respect that and relize that we all make mistakes sometimes, and thats ok. We live and let live. We live and we learn. Best wishes to you & your mom.KB

Also my mom sometimes would be very open about showing her cash in front of others. That could put her in danger if someone sees her with a lot of cash. I tried to tell her to be more careful but she wouldn't listen to me. It just made her mad cause she felt I was bossing her around.

Yes, its a good idea. Most banks around here will look out for the elderly I think but there are always those that are just concerned about their commission (if there is one.)

Thank you so much. That is wonderful information.

An 81 year woman with a history of poor decisions should NOT go to the bank alone. Thieves bad guys prey on the elderly. Does she still drive at 81? Your brother is wise to insist that he goes with her. She most likely needs to feel that she can still handle things as many elders do. As soon as my Dad retired, we had Social Security automatically deposit directly to Mom and Dad's bank. This was before SS required it and that was one of the best things to do. My Sister handles all their money as POA and it is one less thing to worry about. Maybe you and your brother can help your Mom find others ways so that she still feels independent.
Best of luck to you.

I think it is all about what the individual's cognitive abilities are and financial savvy is. My mom did all on her own till I put her in IL in '07 - but I have been POD and signature on all of her accounts since the 1980's. On retrospect & based on going through reams of paperwork for her medicaid application this year, she was not capable and spent $$ unwisely from 2004 when she was in her late 80's.

I would recommend having all her accounts with on-line banking with full check display (front & back) with the acct # & password for both you and your brother so can look at it weekly to see where the $$ is going. This will also be great if you ever have to apply for Medicaid as you can start the file for and print out all checks over $ 500.

About the bank pressuring to buy an annuity. Your concern is probably well-founded. IMHO investments are best done by an independent stockbroker and not the ones at the bank. The bank employee is all about selling whatever program they are given by the bank and those are limited, most of them don't even have a series 7 license or insurance license.

If you want to keep this from happening, call and find out who is the compliance officer for investments. This will NOT be someone at a branch or the branch manager. Compliance is it's own division and will have an address probably at the corporate office or a regional office. Send a letter to them with all your mom's account info and that you feel she is being pressured by a bank employee to do an annuity. This will flag any future investment accounts for review by compliance and the employee will get a reprimand letter and probably have to do a compliance course. The banks have been very aggressive in selling so your concerns are well placed.

Oh my - my mother is 99 and does her own banking - and don't try to slip anything by her. Her memory on some things is not as good as it was, (normal aging I believe -neither in mine at 74) but she has all her papers in order (all her belongings for that matter) and is very sharp as regards dealing with her things. Of course, there are control issues (she has BPD), but I think in this regard that has worked in her favour. I have POA in name only for if/when she becomes unable to look after her finances herself. Heaven forbid that I should make even a suggestion about how to handle anything. Wrath descends upon me, though she may later use the idea I have pased on.
To the question, I think your brother's concerns are normal. I did try to steer mother away from hiring a certain home care agency and gave her my reasons. She went ahead and did it, and regretted it later, though the cost was not large., thankfully. I do think that some try to take advantage of seniors so as family members we are wise to keep an eye on things and intervene if we can.

Thanks to all who have answered my question. Mom could never be talked into something by a nice person, she is paranoid. But she may not understand what she is buying.

I would love to know if a Durable Power of Attorney will be all my brother needs to help her with her banking. He wants to be put on her CDs, etc. so he can access the money when needed. But he will inherit all of this money and I think that could be a can of worms.

I would say don't let her go alone. Maybe make an excuse of why you need to go along to go shopping or something. I am always concerned that some yokel will try to take Mom's purse and knock her down. Some people are desperate and some older folks cannot say no to nice bank people trying to sell them services. That is my 2 cents.

Fifthchild, what great comments. I am going to pass this along to my brother. My husband has a long term friend who was in banking. Had an elderly lady come in with a stranger to withdraw a large sum of money. He immediately called her son in California (this was in Florida) and the son told him absolutely not to do this.

Unfortunately, sometimes elderly people don't realize they need help, until they really need help.

Also, my brother has POA for my Mom. I understand the banks can be prickly about honoring these. They want their own POA sign, etc. Is this true? Another thing my brother needs to look into.

First off, to banksia, good for you. I don't believe anyone is type casting any one age group here, and if you are able to handle your financial affairs without any problems, then that is great. You are in the minority. My Dad is 87 and I do all of his banking. I am on his account (as well as one other sibling). If it were up to Dad, he would walk around with hundreds of $$'s in his pocket. Also, as Nataly1 stated some banks have been pressured to increase their productivity and it doesn't matter that the person signing isn't certain if they need what they are selling or not. I don't believe your brother is being 'abnormal' in his concern. In fact, too many parents go without any help until it is too late. I agree with talking to the bank manager. I have a great relationship with the personnel at the bank, and if Dad comes in with a check to be cashed, (since I am his POA), I have them contact me immediately. This goes with any other type of financial transaction as well. He has a nice little nest egg and sometimes the elderly are taken advantage of if the bank knows that they can get away with it. I think it is an excellent idea to have someone either go with your dad or contact him when he goes himself. If it is a neighborhood branch, they will be more than happy to work with you. I always make sure that Dad feels as independent as possible, but I will not allow him to be taken advantage of. It is quite a balancing act, but it works for us. Good luck to all of you seniors who require assistance and to the caregiver who sometimes has to step in to make things right again. Blessings to you all.

Baksia, you are very fortunate and I really appreciate your point of view. I would love your point of view on many things since you are near my Mom's age and sound pretty independent.

I do feel Mom is still competent and clear thinking enough to do her own banking. However, there was a push, as Nataly1 spoke of, to sell her something she didn't need. Made my brother very angry, especially since he personally knew the employee who tried to sell her this product.

My point I think is not that because you are 81 you can not do your banking alone, it is just that you become a target for salespersons who have a commission to make or a quota to meet. I live in Florida and elder financial abuse it sky high. It would be nice for my brother to go along with her to the bank but I can understand her not wanting that. Also, Banksia, do you take care of everything else in your life. Mom doesn't want to pick up the phone and call a plumber, or pay to have her grass cut or have her house painted or do anything she can take care of. She is angry that my brother won't do these things for her. He has a very demanding job and two homes to maintain (one for sale is this awful market). She is financially able to pay for all of the upkeep of her home.

When it comes to taking care of her home, health, and anything she doesn't want to be bothered with she is 81, when it comes to taking care of financial planning, banking, she is 25, at least in her mind.

Do to changes in the finance world banks are under pressure to preform and increase revenue. If the bank has approached your mother and is trying to sell her investment products that she doesn't want or need I would have your brother (who is on the account) speak to the branch manager directly and inform them that your mother is off limits to any investments and that if she does get approached again that you will be closing the account and taking your business to another bank. You can also have your attorney write a letter that any bank investments need to be run past them and have it put in her file.

I am going on 85 and I still do my own banking on The Internet as well as at the bank, I do all my own business.....and I have 5 children

His concerns are very wise and normal. She's defensive because she doesn't want to feel incompetent, but if he can approach her saying that since they share an account, it's vital that he be part of what happens with this bank - not stressing that she isn't capable, but that it's for their mutual benefit - it may help a little. It's really hard when elders won't accept any help at this age. Understandable from their viewpoint, but hard. They can be taken advantage of so easily. Good luck,
Carol