Should my Dad be in a nursing home?

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My dad is 79, will be 80 in 2 months, he has had a lot of health issues and has been in and out of the hospital. When I got home from work last Saturday he didn't know who I was and had one shoe on. He went into the hospital and was transferred to a nursing home. His blood pressure was dangerously high because he was forgetting his medications when I wasn't home to give them to him even though I called multiple times to remind him. I can't afford to quit my job and stay home with him but he keeps saying he wants to go home. I do t know what to do!

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Acamp1288, I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are working a full time job and you have seen your dad's decline, consulted with the doctor and the nursing home, I confused as to what you are unclear about. It sounds like he needs complete care or substantial assistance with every aspect of his daily care. I would read a lot about dementia. It sounds like that may be affecting his memory and reasoning. It's quite common for dementia patients to ask to go home, but that doesn't mean that it would be good for them and in fact, they often are not describing the home that you believe he is talking about. I would read some suggestions for redirecting and how that can help put him at ease and help him think of other things for the moment.
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Wanting to go home is really a desire to return to full health and activity. It's really more of a fantasy than a real possibility. As for sis, she is in denial, not accepting his condition and it might help for her to talk to the nurses. Her desire for him to be home is the same kind of fantasy. You are grounded in reality, since you know what the hands on care really means. Too many relatives criticize from the sidelines but never step forward to do the actual work. Ignore them, they are merely sheep without a herd.
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He definitely should be in a nursing home! You can see if he can improve there once he's stabilized, but with what you've written, there's no question in my mind he shouldn't be home alone while you work. And it sounds like a nursing home (with all of his medical and medication issues) would be the best place for him.

Tell your sister to back off unless she's willing to be with him during the day.
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acamp, this is a truly difficult decision for you because you are so close to the situation. Think about what you have written. The nurses think he should be in a nursing home, the doctor thinks he should be in a nursing home. Sister DOESN'T think he should be, but she wants him in your home with her not being able to help out. You work full time and can't afford to quit to take care of him. He needs lots of care and attendance, unable to take his medication, unable to hydrate sufficiently, unable to toilet, unable to prepare food. He is having memory blackouts and becoming unable to dress himself.

If you were reading this about someone who was a stranger to you, not your father, what would you think? You would probably think this is a no-brainer.

Any decision regarding our family is probably the most difficult to make. We constantly second-guess. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Oh and he gets medication 4 times a day, it was 3 times but they had trouble getting his bp back under control so they had to up his one medication.
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He doesnt eat right if im not home, he burned a pot really bad once. He doesnt drink water unless i force it on him so 2 months ago he was so dehydrated his kidney function went down. I think he has trouble getting to the bathroom because he was using a hospital urine bottle at home. The doctor doesnt think he ahould be alone and was the one who suggested a nursing home. The doctor wanted him in one over a month ago but my sister signed him out and brought him back to my house and refuses to stay with him when im at work because shes "not going to baby him" (her exact words). I asked the nursing at the nuraing home because hes been there a few times for rehab and they know him , if they think he should stay there and they said yea. I just feel horrible and i dont want to do the wrong thing
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It is an immensely difficult decision to make. But you need to think about his safety, his care and his well being. For several months all we heard was how miserable he was but he's starting to get used to it. Everytime he gets his medications on time and gets well bathed, I thank God we made the decision. He deserves to live his remaining years with the best care possible.
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acamp, I believe you did the right since your Dad didn't remember who you were. That tells me he could have Alzheimer's/Dementia which only gets worse instead of better. What does his primary doctor say about his condition?

If it is memory issues, when your Dad says he wants to go "home", chances are he wants to go back to his childhood home, back when things were easier and happier.
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He definitely needs medication management. How often does he take pills? You might be able to have someone come in to give him medications for less than putting him in a nursing home, if that's his major issue.

Is he able to be on his own otherwise, i.e. fix his meals, get to the bathroom on his own, and generally be alone when you're at work? If so, then a nursing home may be more than he needs, if you can get his medication management in order.
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