Should I stay here?

An hour away isn't bad at all. Stay in your community where you are familiar with the surroundings. Myself, being the child caring for two parents now, one in a nursing home and one living down the road, my two siblings make every excuse to not visit my parents.There is no guarantee your son will visit often even IF in his same town. Sorry, I hate to be the realistic. So stay in your community and yes, make new friends in the care community. How exciting for you! He can drive an hour....

xo
-SS

No, you are well able to take care of yourself where you are, your support is there. You are doing well looking into your affairs, figure out what you want to do with all those possessions, and make yourself comfortable in a nice assisted living retirement community, play golf and let him come and visit you. I don't need to tell you to get your affairs in order you are well able.

Stay where you are! You are doing all the right things and preparing the right way. One other idea you might entertain is finding an elder-care case manager who would be able to step in and become your son's eyes/ears if your health and abilities decline. When the time comes for your son to give you more support, he will be able to do it in conjunction with a care-manager in your area.

Have you actually spoken to your son about this or are you just assuming he would prefer you to move closer? Some times being close can create feelings of obligation on both sides of the fence and neither of you need that. Have an open and honest conversation, what would kind of expectation is there on both sides. Being a new place he may feel obligated to get you settled and engaged in your new surroundings, but feelings of obligation and guilt don't cause people to grow closer. If he is excited and completely open to having you more involved in his day to day life that's one thing. If he's completely happy with his life the way it is, that's another. This is a major decision, don't make it without all the facts.

You sound like you're trying to be practical and I commend you for that, but what do YOU really want? You should enjoy the time on this planet that you have left, doing things and being in places that bring you joy. I know that's what I want for my parents, and it may well be what your son wants for you! Good luck!!

And may I add, while you are compos mentis spend your money, go on vacation, visit whomever, whenever while you can. After you have settled in your new retirement community, you will be free to do these things and not have to worry about the house, repairs, upkeep, just make things easier for yourself to do what you have to do, online banking, direct debits, trusts, get legals together, use your lawyer to your advantage. I would also look at a community that can transition you to nursing care if you ever needed it. In short use your money for your enjoyment, you earned it, use it to make yourself comfortable and prepared for whatever. My uncle is 88, my other uncle Harold is 103 in Australia, one plays golf the other is still up and about. Plan while you can is my motto.

I agree with what everyone here has said: stay in your own, familiar community since that is where you feel most comfortable. Moving from such a large house to a smaller, assisted living setting will be enough of a change without also having to adapt to living in a different area.

CaseyH-Because I have a husband who is almost 87 yrs., and have a friend who is 88 yrs., widowed and experiencing your same situation, I am going to recommend you move to be near your son. If you have trusted your son with your life (the POA), then your relationship will only get stronger the closer you are to him. Moving opens up your mind to new experiences, new challenges and is actually stimulating for your brain! At 87, you are still competent (it sounds like to me and I'm a nurse), and you have the money to be in an assisted living environment. Think of all the new friends you will meet, maybe a special lady friend, and your son can join you at functions the care facility creates. I think this is a great opportunity for you to shed those old painful memories (spouse's death), and look toward your future with your family. We are looking right now for another house and have made offers on three. So far the "looking" has been challenging for my husband since he has Stage 1 dementia, but he still enjoys getting out, seeing new people and places. Having had the same doctors will give you an opportunity to engage in new doctors' perspectives because your previous doctors can overlook issues someone your age may present. Having new eyes on you may be your best avenue to keeping you healthy, and I say that from having had many doctors for my husband. I encourage you to go visit your son, check out what his town has to offer, and since he is still young, I know he would enjoy your company just as you would like having him in your life! Please keep us informed with your final decision and my prayers will be with you no matter what you decide!

You know I was just going to let it pass, but cdmt1331 is correct. I said to myself, how do you know he is going to "enjoy" your moving close by. Furthermore, one hour away is nothing. I would think he does care, but living close does create a sense of "obligation." Stay as independent as you can, that is what I would like.

I would agree with everyone here that you should stay in a place where you are comfortable now. It is quite challenging and stressful moving to a new area. With too many new things being introduced into your life it could be so overwhelming that it could throw you into a health issue from the stress. You are doing great and I commend you for taking these steps all by yourself! As you will read on this site, many people have to be moved while kicking and screaming the whole way. This indicates to me that you really have your stuff together. So be good to yourself! Others are correct in that you should discuss with your son first. The only other thing I would recommend is that the places you are checking into are a continuing care retirement community (CCRC), as you grow through stages the community can support you. You don't say what your financial status is. You could live another 20 yrs and your money could run out. So make sure they accept Medicaid, and are ALTECS approved, etc., just in case, then you won’t have to move again. Have a great life and many blessings to you!

I agree with Ferris and Lilacalani – You're in the position NOW to personally evaluate communities and choose the one that suits you best. Why not pick one nearer your son to avoid the possibility of a future move? I work with two senior communities and I can tell you there's no better time or place that more conducive to making new friends! I've seen it happen over and over in exactly the situation you're in; a parent moving closer to an adult child. In fact, adult children are some of our best 'sales people'. They often say that their relationship with their parent has gotten deeper and more like a true friendship since their parent moved closer and was somewhere that they were comfortable (and their kids could stop worrying about them so much!). As for leaving doctors, unless your son lives in a remote area, there's probably no shortage of them and a senior community is a good place to get connected with them. And, though you don't have connections there, don't forget, your son does and can share them with you.