Should we give APS a second try or forget it?

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My mother in law ( has alzeimers moderate stage) was asked to leave the nursing home where she was visiting her husband. She refused. They called my husband to come get her. This was 100 miles away and took 2.5 hours lot get there.she refused to leave ,was very uncooperative. The staff kept telling him to make her go. He tried but she refused. They- the nursing home - had called APS earlier and they said it could be several days before they come, they were busy. My husband didn't know what to do and asked the staff nurses for suggestions. They repeated take her home. Somehow they called aps again to talk to my husband. He told them he needed help with his uncooperative mom, he had no idea how they were going to be able to care for themselves, do you have anyone that can help me navigate or any reasources? APS said no,we can't help you sir. My husband asked the nursing staff to figure out what to do with his mom ,he couldn't get her to budge. They said earlier that it was against policy to let her stay. Then flipped and said they'd set up a recliner for her. 24 hours later she's still there. My husband stayed her today for the first day in four days. We went to see our 5 day old grand baby. They left a message for him too me get her again. He decided to not return Theresa he knows it will get nowhere. Everyone kept saying call APS. They did nothing. Should we give them another try or is this typical.

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Sorry, I'm really sorry (no pun intended) that you're having these problems with APS. I remember that several of us recommended getting them involved; now APS doesn't want to become involved.

I'm wondering if they would be more susceptible if the call came from someone other than a family member?

I've only called them once; it was a day or two before I received a return call advising that they didn't believe the situation warranted intervention. However, it was much different that the situation with your in-laws.

Is there any possibility that your MIL could be reasoned with knowing that her husband will only be in the rehab facility while he recuperates from the fall, or do you think that she would have difficulty understanding that?

This must be so hard; it's really a sad situation, but a testament to her devotion to her husband.


Madge, Sorry has posted a few times before about the dilemma she and her husband face, as well as the problems her in-laws are dealing with. Check her answers, read some of the earlier posts - they'll provide good insight into this very complex situation.
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Each state may be different but I understand APS to be a last resort - I've heard of folks having assets seized and placed in state facilities - not an ideal outcome if someone has family - navigating the health care system is daunting and oftentimes one is forced to make a decision with little time or information

Are you and your husband willing to provide assistance in caring for his parents and tending to their finances? If so do you have power of attorney to place the home for sale and get them settled in a suitable facility or residential board and care? If so Is there a senior center near by that you can tap for help or referrals ?
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It's my husbands dad,not stepdad. Perhaps I typoed. Oh dear, they most likely owe property tax as well. . This just keeps getting better.
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On another post on this site, someone dealing with foreclosure faces tax issues that could prevent the elders from receiving Medicaid. I know you are just trying to pick up mom from the nursing home but perhaps the bigger picture needs your husbands attention. Does your husbands step father have children? It might be beneficial to talk to an elder attorney and find out the legal and viable options for their long term care.
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Another site that allows you to get assistance and some backing on your part for your In-laws is http://www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare.NET/Public/Index.aspx

You just put in the zip code and the free government and centers for aging advocates are listed here.
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I may not be much help here but depending on the APS in that area, you may want to check out this website and use some of their key words to get your APS fired up.

http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/Stop_Abuse/Partners/APS/index.aspx
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I'll call them again and see if I can get somewhere with them- my husband talked to them last time . Does anyone have words to trigger intervention?
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Yes they have been served foreclosure papers but my FIL called the bank and told the guy they were selling - however they sill have not listed it and it's been four months. He is there temp for rehab after a fall. I've decided to call APS tomorrow and let them know they are vulnerable. Father in law hadn't been taking his blood thinner and they ( DR. ) says he had mini stroke that caused the fall.
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As far as your FIL if you don't believe he's ready to be discharged, you can appeal the discharge decision and Medicare will still pay. You need to let your FIL nursing home's case manager know before he's discharged. The number to call is Livanta at 1–877–588-1123. I've had to do this and it was painless.
As far as you MIL. She is so confused and trying to process all the changes in her life. I'm so sorry you and your husband have to go through this. Make sure you document everything you have done thus far with dates, times, names, phone numbers, and what was said in the conversation. Once again I had to deal with this but in a regular hospital then a move to a limited stay in a nursing home.
I'm not sure if this is the correct thing to do but I might even look to calling the Ombudsman for the facility for assistance. They aren't only for complaints, but to help out as well.
GardenArtist was a great help to me. I would start looking for AL facilities perhaps. The NH and the city or even county where this place is or where you feel they may be best to live in the future given their limitations, would have an adult or senior health services that can help you for free. Go to the city or county website.
It will be ok. One day at a time.
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