Should all caregiver's ask this question, "if you had to go into a hospital/care home and needed to be fed by tube or needed resuscitation would you want this?"

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As a full-time carer to my Mother Who has Alzheimer's for over 2 1/2 years, I asked Mom this question while She's still capable of thinking for Herself. Suppose you had to go into a hospital or a care home at the latter stage of life, and you needed to be fed by tube or needed resuscitation, would you want this?
The answer Mom made Me was absolutely positive, with NO hesitation.
NO..NO WAY, let me go quietyly into the night...when life is gone from me, why bring me back, back to what? More suffering?
I needed to hear this from Mom, as I will see that Her wishes are carried out to the LETTER.

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I ran into this type of thing too. I told my family I did not want extraordinary medical intervention, but that should not mean I refuse ordinary treatment, especially for problems that are not terminal. I guess I need to be clear about how the advanced medical directive is supposed to work and how it is triggered. I mean, a stroke is one thing, a broken wrist quite another. So anybody out there know the mechanics of this? I'm in California by the way.
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Absolutely get an Advanced Medical Directive, a Medical Power of Attorney and to cover all bases a DNR - do not resuscitate. DNRs are usually hot pink and should be hanged on a refrigerator in plain sight - more than one EMTs have told me this saying they are trained to look there when arriving to the home of someone elderly or seriously ill. Do this with your loved one while they are still competent. In August my mom went to the ER for a fall. The doctors believe her fall was caused by an infection in her leg - cellulitis. They also believed dementia was a factor. But get this - as I was DPOA, which covered all facets of her life - the doctor approached me and asked if I wanted her given antibiotics for the cellulitis since without it she would eventually die. He said that treating her with antibiotics could be considered a medical Intervention and not let her die naturally as she wished! I'm not kidding! Crazy, huh?
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Thank You Freqflyer and CarlaCB, for Your terrific answers. Getting Mom to express Her wishes in writing would never have dawned on Me.
Yes I will get a Solicitor to prepare an Advance Medical Directive, and a Medical Power of Attorney, Naming Myself as the POA. Mother had My Name included in all of Her affairs years ago, in case She might die suddenly, eg Bank Account, + Prize Bonds etc. Mom does not own property any more, since Mom left Her business and property to Her first born Son, Wife and seven Children, when She retired. Mom came to live with Me then.
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I know my mother has had this conversation with her doctor (who is a geriatrician) and has filled out papers detailing her wishes. I would hope doctors would have this discussion with their elderly patients, and I agree with freqflyer that these wishes should be put in writing, especially because the medical team may feel the need to do everything possible to save someone in the absence of a written directive. Also family member may disagree about what the parent would want or would feel more free to act on their own inclinations if there's no written directive.

It's very good to have the conversation and know what your mother wants, but also have her put in in writing if she's competent enough to do that.
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It's good that you know what your Mom wants, but you need it in writing in case other relatives think differently and challenge you on what Mom had said.

Sounds like your Mother is still thinking clearly about situations such as that, so make an appointment with an Elder Law attorney to prepare an "Advance Medical Directive" and a medical "Power of Attorney" naming you as the POA and a "Living Will" and/or any other legal documents required by your State. Do this immediately because with Alzheimer's you never know when that clear thinking might fade quickly.
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