Should adult children be paid to do overnight care for Mom?

Follow
Share

Mom has dementia & lives alone. But she does have a tendency to be up & down all night long, so I think she will require overnight care soon. I can arrange for paid overnight aides, but to save money (I have POA), I was thinking that if each of the siblings who live local take 1-2 nights, then Mom's money would last longer. We do have other siblings that live far away, so they would be "off the hook". My question is, should I pay for family overnight stays - me included? After all, it's not like we actually have to DO anything but just be there & sleep. My sibs disagree & think we should be paid (we currently are paid for when we are with Mom during the day). I don't know what the big deal is -- after all, they will get their share of the money after Mom dies. The will is set up for all assets to be split evenly after Mom's death.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
12

Answers

Show:
JG, the POA is responsible for making decisions which are in mom's best interest. This is exactly where many POA's get themselves into legal trouble. They are most interested in impact on their fair share than what is necessary for mom's welfare and comfort. The legal profession calls it conflict of interest, which often leads to fiduciary surcharge on the POA imposed by the court.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

They should be saving for their own "golden years".. Obviously their children Can't count on them to will them anything since they need Mom's money for their golden years..So why do they think they should be getting money from Mom when they Can't do it for their own children..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

amibeingscrewed, you can only be screwed in this situation if you allow yourself to be. Your decision. Mom's assets are first and foremost to meet her own needs. She needs overnight care. Her assets can be cashed to provide that care. As POA, you can do that.

Because we are living so much longer and because that means we are so much more likely to have medical issues, very very few of us will be able to leave an estate that gets our children through their own golden years. Sorry. That is the new reality.

If you want to volunteer your time in order that you and your siblings will have a bigger estate to share some day, that is your right. But I don't think you should automatically expect your local siblings to make that same decision. If you can't convince them to volunteer, then you will either have to do it all yourself, or hire strangers to do it, probably at a rate that will deplete the estate even faster.

Of course you do not want to cash Mom's assets in if you don't have to. Looks to me like that is the best choice and that you may have to, in order to fulfill your responsibility of acting in your mother's best interest.

As POA you have to do what is best for your mother -- not what is best for her heirs.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

No, Mom isn't competent, though she has "only" been diagnosed with dementia, of which she is in Stage 6. I have POA. Medicaid is unlikely, as Mom's assets (cash, house, stock, CDs, bonds) are substantial. Cash is dwindling rapidly and she refuses to leave her home, so that leaves stock, CDs, and bonds left, all of which her children are counting on to get them thru their own "golden years", so I don't want to cash them in if I can arrange not to.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Is mom competent? If, not you could be accused of coersion. Who has POA? If you or subs that help, you cannot negotiate with yourself. It would have to go to an elder law attorney.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You've already gotten the advice I'd give. I'll summarize:

1) Decide on a rate of pay for night duty. (I'd make it less than the market rate, unless Mom is wealthy.)
2) Decide on a schedule among local siblings. Trading and adjusting may be necessary from time to time. The one who actually works the night gets paid for the night.
3) Draw up personal care agreements that spell out the pay rate and the duties, for Mom to sign.
4) When the time comes, any remaining estate can be divided equally among all siblings (if that is Mom's wish), without regard to who did what.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

As SA said someone's gonna get paid so why not you. At a cheaper price..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree with all written above. The ones asking to be paid aren't greedy, which it sounds like you are alluding to.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You need to have a care agreement in place if you anticipate there ever to be a need to apply for Medicaid. There are strict rules on contract contents, payment and cannot exceed what is charged by a service in the area. Good luck with this, when it comes up most sibs will not cooperate. But, you are right on to say why should unavailable sibs benefit from your generosity? The cost for in home care is astronomical, in excess of $100,000.00 a year based on 24 hour and 7 days at $12.00/hour, that is straight time, no overtime which adds significantly!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I agree with both of the above answers. If only some of the siblings are providing this care, paying them will help to prevent resentment and "even things out". Sit down together and decide on a nightly rate and pay the siblings who provide the service. If the long distance siblings complain, tell them they are welcome to come and spend their vacation days staying with mom and will be paid at the same rate. You may want to write up a simple contract if you think that mom may some day need Medicaid. That way, money paid to the siblings will not be treated as gifts.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.