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I finally got my mom to go to a neurologist and the doctor did a 5 minute series of questions and told us her memory is worse and she prescribed Donapezil and suggested mom not live alone anymore. There was no post-visit treatment plan and diagnosis paperwork, no portal to access info, nothing. I called the office and asked that they forward the info to mom's PCP and to be given a formal diagnosis. They said dementia and that they don't know more and the doctor does not have any intention of exploring further because the treatment is the same regardless.
Is this normal? It seems completely inconsiderate to me, the person who has to find her care and possibly assisted living. Maybe she is trying to avoid the full diagnosis so that she has more options?
Has anyone else dealt with this? Is it some sort of strategic omission or just negligence?

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Sorry to say both of them I took my step-mother to were very vague, they did nothing. told me to come back in 6 months.

Did we go back? No, we just watched her and made our decisions from there with consultation from the MC facility.

IMO they were useless.
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No, this is ABNORMAL. First of all, dementia cannot be exactly pinpointed until after death and autopsy, and this is often true; however, a patient's ability to function for him or herself is now a matter of safety and all legal documentations, guardianship and etc is DEPENDENT on the WRITTEN diagnosis and prognosis, at least in so far as being able to be safe functioning for ones self along at home.

I don't know if this is a matter of not being able to discuss because you are not POA or what the problem is but there is a serious problem here and it is one that requires exploration. You will need to follow up and you will perhaps need an elder law attorney who will give you pointers and options moving forward.

Again, this inability to give any documentation as to safety for this patient functioning on his/her own is ABNORMAL.
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Same thing here. Mom spent 12 days in the hospital because we were trying to discharge her to short term care while seeking long term care. They said moderate cognitive impairment likely from late onset AZ and no one seems to care what kind of dementia, offer any treatments just not living alone. A young foreign doctor from India said straight out. When they are this old, their is nothing we can do.
Thanks I said. Now I am 65 and wondering if I should proactively look into if I am next.

Best wishes to you.
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shirenagel Jun 25, 2025
Best wishes to you too. I just don't understand why this is happening to so many of us yet we each have to reinvent the wheel. There just needs to be a process in place. It's so much work.
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Please note that one of the reasons I would like a more specific diagnosis is because she currently lives alone and can not afford full time care. I live 350 miles away, only child, other family nearby are either too old to help and/or also tired of enabling her as well. She is stubborn and difficult and that is sometimes better with the dementia and sometime exacerbated. She has a part-time assistant who enables her. She needs someone living on her property, more care, and some work done on her house and both mom and the assistant fight me on everything. The assistant thinks she is in charge, feels entitled, and has been mildly unscrupulous at times. So...she needs to go to A.L. She will not go without a fight. So I need a 602 and more specifics. What doctor doesn't know that I will be needing this? Also, I probably need to apply for conservatorship, which also will require the diagnosis.

Additionally, I am not looking for hope. I am looking for proof that there is none so I can do my job. My mom was an abusive narcissist throughout my life and would have parked me in a facility years ago as she did her mother. I have been far kinder and it is costing me my career, travel, and health care. I got POA a year ago when mom was finally willing because she is desperate to never leave her house and needed a reverse mortgage to continue living there. I was the only one to help her. I am looking for validation so I can get rid of her dodgy assistant and take care of myself!

My kids just graduated college and so I decided to go on leave from work and get mom situated once and for all.
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Thank you for all of the answers. I am reading through them very carefully and taking notes and making a plan. I made the question relatively simple for the sake of conciseness but I will expand on some the questions.

* I do have a POA that gives me all of the powers listed on a "Uniform Statutory Form Power of Attorney".
* My mom's symptoms are consistent with Middle Stage Alzheimer's Stage 5 and even Stage 6
* She is also legally blind due to advance Macular Degeneration so that makes it difficult to differentiate some symptoms, such as when she doesn't recognize people, confusion about locations, etc.
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Thank you everyone! He will be seeing a Geriatric Doctor next week. I am driving at the present time. The neurologist did not take his license away. I am certain the Geriatric Doctor will. Some days he’s totally fine. The neurologist told us she’s in a pickle what to do with him. Some tests he had were good. We live 4 hours north of Toronto in Canada.
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No, it is not some sort of strategic omission or negligence. It is, as Alva said, incompetence! A neurologist who, in a single visit, prescribes donepezil based on a 5 minute cognitive screen, and tells the client it doesn't matter what she has because the treatment is all the same, does a complete disservice to the client. A paper cognitive screening may indicate the possibility of dementia, but it doesn't determine the cause of the symptoms. You are right in asking for a formal diagnosis. You don't mention what her symptoms are; why you sought a diagnosis. Was it memory problems? Personality changes? Mobility issues? Delusions or hallucinations? It matters. And donepezil is not an approved treatment for either Lewy body or Frontotemporal dementia or any other cause of dementia except AD. The most accurate diagnosis of a progressive neurogenerative disease is the elimination of everything else and the presence of positive bio markers.

Dementia is fatal and no treatment exists. Even Teepa Snow says that. I'm no clinician, but I believe that definition, "fatal with no treatment", has to be put in context. Not all dementias are irreversible, progressive, neurodegenerative diseases. Recently, Billy Joel was diagnosed with normal pressure hydrocephalus, a rare non-fatal and often treatable cause of dementia. The late Kris Kristoferson was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but later correctly diagnosed with lime disease, a non-fatal treatable cause of dementia. Maybe these should be called “pseudodementias”, but Teepa doesn't differentiate.

My wife had brain scans, blood work, and almost a full day of a cognitive evaluation with a neuropsychologist who still couldn't definitively say she had a progressive disease. So diagnosis is difficult. Your mom may, indeed, have AD, but continue to find a board certified neurologist who can give her the proper diagnosis.
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shirenagel Jun 25, 2025
Hi, sorry for the late reply. I was in the throes of sorting a lot out but appreciated your validatiion.

"You don't mention what her symptoms are; why you sought a diagnosis."

Mom has gone in and out of various forms of symptoms but the most difficult part is that she also has Macular Degeneration and is legally blind. The good thing about this is that she could not renew her drivers licencse. Also, she now has to sit in a chair 3 feet from her 65" tv to see the screen at all. She used to lie in bed about 22 hours a day so sitting is a little more active and she falls asleep less throughout the day.

She repeats herself constantly and memory is very spotty. Some things she remembers and some she doesn't. It's hard to tell what is denial. For instance, she repeats over and over that she has never fallen yet she had a period where she was passing out a lot from orthostatic hypertension. We removed Desipramine from her rx list and that solved that.

She completely relies on others for all of her financial tasks partially because she can't see and partially because she doesn't have the werewithal. But it's very difficult to differentiate something like this between the dementia and the blindness.

She had rats in her house but couldn't smell it like I could and couldn't see the droppings and urine everywhere. Her dog goes to the bathroom in the house and she can't see it, yet she denies that it does it. Her house is not a hoarder mess...she has cleaners weekly and it is very nice to the naked eye. She is not living in squalor and will criticize me for even leaving a cup on the counter but she is oblivious to rodents and ants.

That sort of thing.


This is why I think it is even more important to diagnose her neurologically in order to tell which is which.
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From what I've seen, a 5 minute mini-mental test is used by a primary care dr to determine if a neuro referral is warranted. In our case Neuro did a 3 hour verbal test to determine a vascular dementia diagnoses. You need a Neuro second opinion.
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shirenagel Jun 25, 2025
She did poorly on the neuro's 5 minutes test and started the meds. She went to her PCP after 3 weeks and was given the 5 minute test and did better. A 26 out of 30. But they gave her time to mull over the answers. She really can turn it on and off sometimes. I also think that she did better in the PCP's office because it is more familiar, she had her enabling caregiver with her, and the doctor coached her a bit. The neuro office was unfamiliar and I don't usually take her to appointments so that probably threw her off.

I don't think I will be able to get her to a second neuro visit. She won't go now. She has dug her heels into her denial and is fighting me on everything, even though everyone else's enabling delayed her getting the meds that could have helped her long ago.
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This is very incompetent care from a neurologist.
Most definitely DO have some idea of the type of dementia involved after a full workup and testing; was said full workup and testing done? Are you the POA? Were the findings discussed with you? Were any scans such as MRI or CT done?

It is very common for neurologists to have to write letters that confirm a diagnosis of dementia and its severity in terms of being able to do executive functioning, live alone, and etc. and this is REQUIRED by many POA documents, and etc. I would inform the neurologist that you require such a letter that will satisfy legal requirements for you to act for your parent if you are the POA. If you are NOT the POA we are talking a serious problem, because once you have the document your elder is no longer considered competent to request you act as their POA. Competency is required to appoint a POA.

Now if you are not POA or guardian or conservator then you really don't have rights to any information from the doctors and will need to see an attorney about getting said rights set up.

Sometimes it is unclear, especially in the beginning, which dementia is involved. Until autopsy after death it is often difficult to fully ascertain just which dementia is causing which problems. But if someone does have dementia severe enough they cannot function for themselves them the MD can complete a letter documenting his diagnosis. My brother's, diagnosed by his symptoms was "Probable Early Lewy's Dementia by symptoms".
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Isthisrealyreal May 31, 2025
HIPAA release gives you rights to get information from the doctor.
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When my Mom was tested her primary only had the test results in note form that I accessed through her portal. But then I came upon a situation with my Mom's annuity company: I was sending in my FPoA paperwork so I could legally manage her affairs. But they insisted on also having a written diagnosis on the clinic letterhead and signed by the doctor. I uploaded this request to my Mom's primary and told her I can't do anything for my Mom if I don't have the diagnosis in this format, and she provided it. So, if you are your Mom's PoA I would definitely press them to provide the diagnosis in written form. My Mom's primary actually included verbiage in the letter saying her dementia was progressed enough that she now needed the legal advocacy of her FPoA. Did the neurologist ever do any imaging?
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shirenagel Jun 4, 2025
Yes, that type of letter is exactly one example of what I am concerned about needing. Thank you for detailing that, as it was one I wasn't sure I might need.

No, the neuro did nothing but a 15 minute office visit. I am going to ask for another neuro. This one gets the lowest ratings of any in mom's area.
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The Doctor can also do a memory test and make a diagnosis .
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According to what I read online, Donapezil is typically prescribed for Alzheimer’s. It works by blocking the breakdown of acetylcholine, “donepezil helps improve communication between nerve cells in the brain, potentially leading to improvements in cognitive function and daily activities.”

Does your mom have memory problems? That’s the hallmark of Alzheimer’s, and Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia.

If you suspect she has a different kind of dementia, it might be worth pressing further, because some meds prescribed for Alzheimer’s can have a negative effect if she has another form of dementia. But honestly, you will know that soon enough anyway. My dad had frontotemporal dementia and the first drugs prescribed made him DRAMATICALLY worse within 2-3 days. Then when he got on the right course of meds, it helped considerably manage his behavioral problems.

Anyway. The other reason for a formal diagnosis would be if you need it combined with DPOA to have her declared an “incapacitated agent” with her bank, social security, credit cards, and the like. You don’t mention any problems along those lines.

If you are already looking into assisted living — that’s good. I’m not sure whether they need any formal type of dementia diagnosis. You can ask them.

Its hard. We spend our lives looking for the Source of the problem and the Reason and the Solution and the Cure. But there is no cure for any kind of dementia or even much hope in slowing its progression. It requires a reset of expectations and approach.

I honestly think our understanding of dementia is in its infancy.

I wish you all the best.


 
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Suzy23 May 31, 2025
PS my dad’s first neurologist did a scan and said it “showed no abnormality” but he had undergone an extreme personality and behavioral change in his 70s so we knew something dire was wrong— even though at the time his memory was 100% fine. The second neurologist said that his brain deterioration was consistent with Alzheimer’s, vascular dementia, AND frontotemporal dementia but based on his behavior, he was diagnosed with FTD.
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It’s not exactly abnormal. They said she has dementia. Not much they can do except what is being done, and your course is to plan ahead for the legal aspects and the care that will be needed. They could do brain scans and perhaps other tests, but why put the patient through all that when it will upset them and the outcome and treatment is the same?

I believe you might be looking for hope, but hope doesn’t live there anymore. I’m so sorry. The reality is harsh. I’ve learned that it’s best to accept early on and move forward from there. We can’t help them unless we roll up our sleeves and get on with what needs to be done.
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Sounds to me that dementia WAS diagnosed for your mom. If you're looking to find out what type, that cannot always be determined. Since there's no cure and no real treatment for dementia, and it's all progressive, to me it didn't make much difference with my mom. I didn't consider her dx negligent, just honest. My mom was given a MoCA mini test and scored a 17 out of 30 when she was given the dx of "progressive dementia."

Best of luck to you.
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My husbands memory has been getting worse every year. Last year he scored 23/30 and this past week he scored 9/30. He passed his written driving memory test and he drives good. The neurologist told him (us) that according to the tests he has on set dementia. She is sending him to a geriatric Dr and she will decide after that assessment if my husband should be on meds. She was very thorough. Unfortunately my husband is in denial and told me and our sons that he was not prepared to do the memory tests 😳 I’m just going with one day a time. I see the decline. Some days are worse than others.
Perhaps get a second opinion.
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lealonnie1 May 30, 2025
Your husband SHOULD NOT BE DRIVING with such severe dementia! My God, disable his car or hide those keys immediately!!! A 9 out of 30 = Severe Impairment:
A score of 9 or less on the test suggests severe cognitive impairment, indicating that the individual may have significant challenges with various cognitive functions, including memory, attention, language, and executive functions. 
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