Is there a way to actually shorten the life span of my mother? I have been taking care of her for close to 19 years. This can't go on.

Oh jam, you are truly an angel!
thank you thank you thankyou!!!!

lovbob

my pleasure to help a little and let's all pray that Marissa sees the info and gets some help for all of them.

Bravo, Jam. Well done.

and I would like to remind some of you to read the statement in the "ADD YOUR ANSWER" box.

yeahright - thank you for standing up for marrissa ,

marla you should be ashame of yourself ! theres no way talkin to someone who is in the black hole ! she didnt put herself there it just sucks her right on in !
you may have not ever been in depessed , i have and its horrible ! you start thinking crazy stuff that goes thur ur head ! depressions is the evil talking !
thank god he pulled me out of it , thank u jesus ...

You must get some help for yourself immediately. Call the Alzheimer's Association and ask for a crisis counselor. Then consider placing her in a home or get home care. You may have to spend down her assets to qualify for a government-funded option, but it sounds like you have already done this. You and your mother are both suffering...ask for help...like I tell my friends with little crying babies, put them in a safe place and go away for a little bit to compose your sanity. Pray, listen to soft music or call a friend. I wish I could help you more.

My heart goes out to you! First thing I need to say is you must be giving your Mom the love and care she needs otherwise she would not be hanging on, so you should be blessed. Try to think about the whole scenario in a possitive way. For instance you are teaching your daughter and preparing her incase you need to be cared for someday. Your actions will be rewarded in many different ways for your good deeds, you will see. It may be hard for you to believe this but Karma is a strong energy and what goes around comes around. If you believe in heaven and Mom goes there first she will be there to greet you without any illness and with this in mind you should gain the strength to do what it takes to make her days on this earth as comfortable as possible.

wow sweetie - thanks for being honest - and u have to do something for yurself and fast- get help now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks so much for your responses. It’s not an easy question to ask about shortening my mom’s life span, it’s been running in my head for many years to date. I might not be able to shorten her life span as I have no access to the drugs advertised on the internet, or just don’t have the money to buy it, or no guts to do it. Or all of the above reasons. What I am working on is to ask my former officemate to contact somebody in charge at the social welfare department office; it’s a national government agency. My ex-officemate said she recently visited a facility for elderly people but I need to go through an interview and evaluation process to determine if I qualify to let my mom move in to their facility and also assess my mom if they will accept her or not. Please all pray that she will be accepted and be found eligible to stay there for the many more years so that her welfare can be taken cared of. I just worry how long they can provide for her diapers and all that since she has incontinence daily and has probably Stage 5 Alzheimer’s disease. Anyway, as you all say, one step at a time. I will visit that facility for the elderly. It might not be free at all (nothing is free in these modern times) but I will see if this is the long-term solution so that my mom can be removed from my care as I have been suffering for close to 19 years of care giving. I am beginning to think that I also lost much of my youth and vibrant personality and got infected with the negativity that is common to elderly people. This is hard thing to shake off. So I want her distanced from me once she gets inside that facility. And if it would be possible, I want her there until the end of her life so that my daughter and I can travel abroad and possibly migrate once and for all. I have no plans to bring her with us as I don’t like to clash with my husband over care giving issues, just like what I frequently read here. It’s a mistake I know too well, and I’d better heed and listen to the many comments here rather than risk repeating it and seeing it happen to me & my future husband. It’s simply unfair to me, to my future husband and my daughter or his own kids to be fighting because of my mom who will surely put a strain to the entire relationship. I will let you all know if this December I can visit that facility, see for myself, and get interviewed and see if my mom will qualify. I hope she does, please pray for this to happen. It’s so much relief to actually have her away from the house for many years. I experienced this when she was at the hospital for hip surgery last March 2009 for 11 days. My daughter & I had the house all by ourselves, and we never have to make our voice loud just to hear each other. If my mom is here, it’s like we’re always shouting because of her bad hearing. Also, we get to clean and throw many of the things she hoarded for decades… LOL Good luck to me, thanks for all your prayers and support.

Wow, keeping prayers that she is taken into the facility. For her sake and yours. Have you contacted your local Area on Aging?? They CAN help you!! You need Respite care and if you do not take care of yourself, you WILL hurt your mother and end up in jail and then your daughter will have no one.
Good Luck,
Bridget

Thanks for the websites about Alzheimer's associations in the Phils. I will check these out. One critical issue that I constantly grapple is the finances to sustain my mom. I mentioned that she "might" live and linger on for many years to come. I've heard of 2 nursing homes near my area but it's all private-run, there's monthly fee and I wonder how to afford to sustain it over the long run. Also, I was told by one of these two nursing homes that once my mom gets into that bed-ridden stage, they will return her to me! This threw me off balance. The what if questions came back like what if she lives bed-ridden for many years again? Ahhh I don't know what to do!!!! That's why I asked this question. We all know too well that death is actually a very good solution to this kind of cases. It's the best and lasting solution, it frees up everyone concerned, and helps everyone move on whether positively or negatively. I just hope and pray God will provide the final solution to my mom's case. I hope she qualifies to that nursing home that is run by the government which my officemate told me is free of charge. I hope so. 19 years of caregiving.. it's simply draining and makes one jaded..

Great! Marissa you doing terrific! I'm willing to bet that this isn't the only option, but just the first one you've found. And I doubt anyone would return her to you if you actually do immigrate!

Keep it up, and let us know how you're doing and how we can help.

marrisa thank you so much for replyin back . now we all feel so much better !
here in the usa , if ur parents dont have any money , poor , broke , homeless . there is a medicaid that takes over and pays for nursing home and for the care .
if parent have money they can go innursing home and pay for it out of thier pocket till theyre broke then medicaid steps in and takes over .
as for if theyre bedriden they ship mommy back to u is crock full of crap ! what are they thinking ! system sometimes is so way out of it .
i find takin care of bedridden is alot easier than it is when theyre up and whiney , wanna wanna , push em around in wheelchair and all . sometimes my dad would drag his feet , makin it harder for me to push him , lol
marrissa , i thank you again for reporting back to us . ure a speical girl that loves her mom more than anything 19 yrs is a longggggg time ! its time for u to say ok i done my job an dnow its time to move on . enjoy ur new hubby and cheerish the time u have with ur daughter .
keep in touch and let us know how it went . love u bunch xoxo

Glad you checked in and are trying to move forward-I hope the nursing home solution works out for you.How does your daughter feel about it.I had to talk loud for my dad to hear also and I find 3 years later,I still catch myself talkin to loud.

A no, not really, but you can quit and say it is killing you and you are no longer able to care for this person and let someone else take over. Do not ruin your life....

Marissa, one more thing I want to say here. Ignore the people who have given you such judgemental responses, Only YOU are aware of exactly what your mom's situation is, and of course different cultures have different ideas of what is acceptable- but I have a strong suspicion that even here in the U.S. there is a damn good (though unspoken) reason why Hospice always has so much morphine on hand.
Keep strong.

very insightful ted.....you deserve 5 stars for that observation....:)