Is there a way to actually shorten the life span of my mother? I have been taking care of her for close to 19 years. This can't go on.

good greif sounds like you need help
here in the us we dont do these kinds of things but you need to talk to your doctor
and you need to have friends or family take your daughter
and you need to take you mother or tell some one you are leaving your mother
dont leave with out tell someone you are leaving
you dont have to tellthem where you are going
but tell them you are leaving her alone
and get your daughter to a safe place dont take her with you
you need help
you are on the verg youself

Murder is not an option.....legally or spiritually. Do you have clergy that you can speak with? Are there agencies for the elderly to assist you? You need some assistance before you completely go off the deep end.........find some help NOW!

mhmarfil, can you find a Nursing Home in your country to leave your mother there? Social services? Is there a solution? I have read your post and I am worried for you. Please keep us posted

I agre that you simply don't have any right to intentionally shorten her life, That being said, you also do not HAVE to put your life on hold for her, that is your choice. Local religious groups or any Social Services that might be availible will do what they can for her if you decide to leave. Just let someone, anyone know that you are going so that they can step in. Please, for your own sake, change this situation so that your mother is safe, and you and your daughter can try to live the life that you want.

dont do it honey . doing prison time sure is not worth it and who will look after ur daughter ? watch her go thru high school you will miss out alot and feel quilty ,.
go find help , hugs and kisses , xoxox

So what should I do? All those ideas won't work. I tried that already, plus the fact that these services don't come free. Nothing is free in this world. The temporary assistance/neighbors/friends/relatives assistance will last a month or so. After that, they begin complaining, they abandon mom, or pass her back to me! I tried being away for 3 days only for an out-of-town convention that's part of my job last year. My airplane hadn't even landed and soon enough one of my neighbors started texting me with this & that complain and all the dangers posed leaving my mom without me beside her blah blah blah blah blah! It's hypocritical to say these ideas don't cross your minds! I'm not a saint, I don't want to end up an idiot martyr who woke up too late when I am already 50 years old (I'm 40 next year) and tell myself I did so much goodness now I am old myself and who will care for me cuz I don't even have savings since I didn't work for 10 year since I was sacked out of job June 2010?? see what I mean?

you have to be the one to leave go to you dr and let them know you ar elosing your mind if you were not around somebody would do some thing BUT DONT OFF YOURSELF
GET HELP FOR YOU

Read your wall, we sent messages to you. We are thinking of you and your REALLY big problem and we hope we'll be able to help you somehow. Our brains are in motion...

Yep, I see what you mean, I'm in the same boat, though I don't have any children. But if it has really come to this point, You would be better off (in every way) just walking away and wishing her well than doing anything to harm her delibrately. abondonment is a bad thing on it's own, but give some serious thought to what your thinking about here. I say again that you have every right to make the choice NOT to care for her, but I don't think you have the right to take her life in your hands for own reasons.

Please help us all to understand how things work in your country. There are others that do not have anyone to take care of them when they no longer can care for themselves. Where do they go? Are there places for the elderly like the nursing homes here? Is there a church that can help you find assistance? Are there social services that you can go to? Please don't do anything that you will have to be burdened with mentally and physically for the rest of your life......remember you have a daughter that needs you. Keep in contact here........our hearts are with you.

Please, please get some help for yourself and your mom. I don't know what is available for you where you live, but no one should be pushed to the edge the way you are.

There are services. Look for local Alzheimer's services, and also try to get help for what may be serious depression on your part. Don't do anything you'll regret for life. Go to www.alz.org and find contacts there to help you through this. You need to reach out.

Hang on and ask for help - we're with you.
Carol

Bring her to a hospital ER and just leave her there. Leave a note explaining the situation. People have done it with chronically ill children when they just cannot take care of them any longer. State of federal agencies will step in. (I know you are out of US) Do not let others bully you into taking her back. Your daughter needs a mom at home, not in jail or a mental institution.

What oqt said.
lovbob

Do you know anyone else in the same situation in your community? Could you form a group to split care for your family members among each other, or maybe getting together to start a business to care for others? Maybe you could come up with a business plan to start a day care program for elderly. Do you have any contacts from your old job? Do you live in the phillipines? Have you heard of this organization - Dementia Society? http://www.dementia.org.ph/? What about the Alzheimeers assoc in the phillipines?
www.alzphilippines.com/caregiver/

plz report back with us all , we are so worried about you . plzzz

I cannot believe what I read here, I thought at first it was a joke but apparently not. Your MOm dserves to live like ANY of us do. People can still live and have good laughs, hugs, sing, and be loved with alzheimers. YOU cant do it thou, let her go where someone will love her, she deserves to live her life, with love and affection and with someone who will give that to her. What in the world do you mean by taking her life! How would YOU ever live your own life if you did that, you would either be in jail or live with guilt forever, Find your MOm a nice place to live and get back to your own life, let her live hers. Whomever is reading this should report this person before she take her moms life, depressed or not, this is horrible, and I hope its a joke.

Move to the United States and eat only at fast food resturants.

If ever there was a cry for help this is it. And I applaud mhmarfil for telling us what is on her heart and mind. Most of us on this site r cg's.
Some cannot comprehend what others go through. Just because we are cgs does not mean we share the same experience.
Some of us care for parents who were not good parents. Some of us grew up in dysfunctional homes. Some of us had wonderful parents with sweet childhood memories. We come at our task of cg from all angles. We should never, ever judge each other.
But...... I think most of us agree that "shortening a life span" or taking a life is not the answer.
I am so sorry for mhmarfil that she feels that this is the only answer.
I understand that she lives in a country that does not have the resources that the U.S. has. mhmarfil has said that she does not want our advice; our suggestions won't fit her. But I hope we can all come up with enough encouragement for her that she changes her mind. mhmarfil, stay with us and lets see if we can help you.

You should be ashamed of yourself. In the first place, it appears you have been doing this for your mother only for attention, pitty and her disability income. You have no life by your own choice. I have been taking care of my blind mother for 21yrs. I have a wonderful life. husband children and grandchildren.. Murder is Murder, there are places called Respite Care, [adult daycare], you can leave your mother there when you need a break. and she may enjoy it and make a few friends that might give you and her support.. so get off the pitty pot, and remember, your mother didn't wont to kill you when she had to stay up with you all night, and care for you when you were a child.. and you are teaching your daughter that it's alright to throw something away if it doesnt fit into your life.. and do society a favor, get professional help, you are mentally disturbed.. May your mothers guardian angel keep her safe.. God Bless "Her".. you should be reported, Murder and elder abuse, and let me guess, your a Christian right? People like you usually are.. May God have Mercy on your soul, I will pray for your mother..

Hold up there marla, you need to get your facts straight before you go off. First, get off your high horse. Don't judge others. Just because your life is "wonderful" doesn't mean everyones is.
Mhmarfil DOES NOT live in the U.S. She does not have the resources that we do.
"You should be ashamed of yourself" for attacking someone less fortunate than you who is merely crying out for help and understanding.

I Have to agree with marla29910, ( although I didnt appreciate the crack about Christians).
You should be ashamed of yourself, but I don't know you or your conscience.
Everyone here can sympathise and understand your situation...But ! your the first I have ever seen on here be so extremely hateful about it. What you take for everyone feeling this way but are to embarrassed or they don't have the guts to say it...it simply not true!
While there are some who have simply wished God would just let them die to put them out of the pain and heartache they are all going through....I can pretty much guarantee that they wouldn't want to, let alone seriously consider, OFFING they're parents.
Normally I would empathise and sympathise with those who are going through the things you say your going through, but... Just really listening and looking at what you've written here, say's to me that it's more about you and what you want than it is to seriously love and protect your mother.
There are ways that you can get her the help she needs without having to kill her off, Just use your heart not your self-centered mind and look for a way to have your so called cake and eat it too without her having to suffer the ramifications of your pity trip.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't live your life the way you want from here on out! But at the VERY LEAST leave her with someone or in some place that will take care of her. This way you wont have to feel as guilty later on when your daughter wants to get rid of you to live her life and you can die knowing that you did the best for your own mother in the end.
Can you imagine how you mother would feel if she new what you wanted to do, could you seriously be able to live with yourself?
Please ! leave your Mother with someone else before you do something totally off the charts of reality.

For God's sake get therapy/ help for yourself. Where we live your idea is called "Capitol Murder",punishable by death. I hope your post is some kind of sick joke.

Isn't this just fine and dandy-screw you Marla,maybe you can get a taste of that great compassion you just dished out.A person screams out for help and she gets dogged for her feelings of despair-Lord I know what that is like-ITS called kick them while they are down. Go kick some elese Marla-I know when I first got on this site Marissa was one of the first people who showed me compassion-even the best of the best have a breaking point-we need to help Marrisa any way we can to crawl out of that black hole-with the lack of resources in rural communities,I CAN'T imagine the Phillipines being worst-most of you city people don't even realize that in our own country there are few resources-I haven't even heard off half of the things ya'll referr to do because it doesn't exiist in rural areas.Hang in there Marissa-you need a break bad and Xmas is weighing heavy on you now with your daughter and all.Check in please.

Well stated Tennessee!

Marissa, don't listen to the abusers. they're idiots who don't get it. Next.

Over on the Grossed Out Thread we have been trying to come up with an answer for you and I think the best one is for you to clean your mom up nice and pretty, pack a bag for her and take her to a hospital with a note. Treat her with love and know that you are doing this for the THREE of you. You, you mom and your daughter.
In the long run, taking her to a place that she will be safe is your best choice. make sure that they have the info they need to access any funds she has coming in to be put into her care.
I know that you want to do something about it, but you know deep down that you just can't.

If you are truly this far down at the end of your rope, protect your mom and daughter from your depression, get your mom to a hospital and then get yourself the help you need to climb back into your life.
You can do this! you've been a strong caregiver for 19 years!
Just a few more days!
lovbob

All I have to say on this is Marla........you're not very smart if you cannot recognize someone's cry for help......come out of your cozy, little perfect world and see that not everyone has things like you do apparently. Why the crack about Christians........might we ask what you are so that we might gain insight into why you attack like you do?

I'm sorry i called the dissenters idiots. One of my many character flaws. this is a highly charged emotional issue and we are all caring in our own way.

Hey Jam. this is a bad one, isn't it.

Marissa, we do wish you would check in and let us know how you and your mom and your daughter are.

lovbob

It is time to stop being the primary care giver. Realize this and don't hesitate to change the paradigm. You are only human and you have reached your limits!
Contact social services or a medical professional and find a nursing facility that takes elders with Alz. There she will have 24/7 care and you can visit but you will separate yourself to the point that you have your own life.

A cry for help would be for her to ask how to take her own life, not her mothers, this is insane and I hope the person who runs this site finds her and gets that poor mother out of her care. We all get stressed, and stressed to the max , but this isnt a sane person speaking, I think its a joke actually.amen!

i found this information online and it might be a help to your Marissa....................it says they give assistance with all aspects of women's lives and that includes the elderly and medical assistance. Please contact them............ Catholic Women's League Philippines, Inc. [CWL]
Coverage National
Address 1141 Ma. Orosa Street, Ermita, 1000 Manila Philippines
Telephone Number +63 2 523-2956, +63 2 523-3144
Fax Number +63 2 524-3729
Website
Email cwlnational@edsamail.com.ph
Chapters
85 Archdioceses, Prelatures, Apostolic Vicariates and Military Ordinariate throughout the country

luv, I don't think it's a joke but I really wish it was.

I've been not sleeping thinking about this lady and her poor mom and her poor daughter.

sux not knowing.

lovbob