Is there a way to actually shorten the life span of my mother? I have been taking care of her for close to 19 years. This can't go on. - AgingCare.com

Is there a way to actually shorten the life span of my mother? I have been taking care of her for close to 19 years. This can't go on.

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I do not need to go over the nitty gritty of the details. She has alz but all other vital signs are normal. Granting nothing catastrophic or cataclysmic will happen, my mom might linger on and heave her entire care to me for another 10 or more years. I have paid and still paying heavily in terms of lost income, unemployment, lost opportunity not to mention no wedding ring or even a serious boyfriend or even just the time to have a meaningful relationship and been stuck postponing my plans, my own life, my own dreams and ambitions. I worry in the next 1 to 2 years she will eat up all the resources I intend for my own daughter who will be moving soon in the next 2 years to high school. Last night i searched the internet for any medicine that might do the job. Any ideas? I just hope the meds are available in my country (I'm not in the US). If Mother Nature won't do her job on my mom, I have to do it myself. This cant go on for another 5 or 10 years. I myself turning 40 this 2011 I also must save for my own retirement and my own sanity. With mom possibly alive for the next decade, how in the world will I save for my self while sustaining me, my daughter and my mom. I have been officially unemployed for 6 months this December. Any drugs or meds to do the job? I don't have a car to do the CO2.

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Please, please get some help for yourself and your mom. I don't know what is available for you where you live, but no one should be pushed to the edge the way you are.

There are services. Look for local Alzheimer's services, and also try to get help for what may be serious depression on your part. Don't do anything you'll regret for life. Go to www.alz.org and find contacts there to help you through this. You need to reach out.

Hang on and ask for help - we're with you.
Carol
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If ever there was a cry for help this is it. And I applaud mhmarfil for telling us what is on her heart and mind. Most of us on this site r cg's.
Some cannot comprehend what others go through. Just because we are cgs does not mean we share the same experience.
Some of us care for parents who were not good parents. Some of us grew up in dysfunctional homes. Some of us had wonderful parents with sweet childhood memories. We come at our task of cg from all angles. We should never, ever judge each other.
But...... I think most of us agree that "shortening a life span" or taking a life is not the answer.
I am so sorry for mhmarfil that she feels that this is the only answer.
I understand that she lives in a country that does not have the resources that the U.S. has. mhmarfil has said that she does not want our advice; our suggestions won't fit her. But I hope we can all come up with enough encouragement for her that she changes her mind. mhmarfil, stay with us and lets see if we can help you.
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Hold up there marla, you need to get your facts straight before you go off. First, get off your high horse. Don't judge others. Just because your life is "wonderful" doesn't mean everyones is.
Mhmarfil DOES NOT live in the U.S. She does not have the resources that we do.
"You should be ashamed of yourself" for attacking someone less fortunate than you who is merely crying out for help and understanding.
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Marissa, one more thing I want to say here. Ignore the people who have given you such judgemental responses, Only YOU are aware of exactly what your mom's situation is, and of course different cultures have different ideas of what is acceptable- but I have a strong suspicion that even here in the U.S. there is a damn good (though unspoken) reason why Hospice always has so much morphine on hand.
Keep strong.
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Murder is not an option.....legally or spiritually. Do you have clergy that you can speak with? Are there agencies for the elderly to assist you? You need some assistance before you completely go off the deep end.........find some help NOW!
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dont do it honey . doing prison time sure is not worth it and who will look after ur daughter ? watch her go thru high school you will miss out alot and feel quilty ,.
go find help , hugs and kisses , xoxox
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Isn't this just fine and dandy-screw you Marla,maybe you can get a taste of that great compassion you just dished out.A person screams out for help and she gets dogged for her feelings of despair-Lord I know what that is like-ITS called kick them while they are down. Go kick some elese Marla-I know when I first got on this site Marissa was one of the first people who showed me compassion-even the best of the best have a breaking point-we need to help Marrisa any way we can to crawl out of that black hole-with the lack of resources in rural communities,I CAN'T imagine the Phillipines being worst-most of you city people don't even realize that in our own country there are few resources-I haven't even heard off half of the things ya'll referr to do because it doesn't exiist in rural areas.Hang in there Marissa-you need a break bad and Xmas is weighing heavy on you now with your daughter and all.Check in please.
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i found this information online and it might be a help to your Marissa....................it says they give assistance with all aspects of women's lives and that includes the elderly and medical assistance. Please contact them............ Catholic Women's League Philippines, Inc. [CWL]
Coverage National
Address 1141 Ma. Orosa Street, Ermita, 1000 Manila Philippines
Telephone Number +63 2 523-2956, +63 2 523-3144
Fax Number +63 2 524-3729
Website
Email cwlnational@edsamail.com.ph
Chapters
85 Archdioceses, Prelatures, Apostolic Vicariates and Military Ordinariate throughout the country
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My heart goes out to you! First thing I need to say is you must be giving your Mom the love and care she needs otherwise she would not be hanging on, so you should be blessed. Try to think about the whole scenario in a possitive way. For instance you are teaching your daughter and preparing her incase you need to be cared for someday. Your actions will be rewarded in many different ways for your good deeds, you will see. It may be hard for you to believe this but Karma is a strong energy and what goes around comes around. If you believe in heaven and Mom goes there first she will be there to greet you without any illness and with this in mind you should gain the strength to do what it takes to make her days on this earth as comfortable as possible.
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Thanks so much for your responses. It’s not an easy question to ask about shortening my mom’s life span, it’s been running in my head for many years to date. I might not be able to shorten her life span as I have no access to the drugs advertised on the internet, or just don’t have the money to buy it, or no guts to do it. Or all of the above reasons. What I am working on is to ask my former officemate to contact somebody in charge at the social welfare department office; it’s a national government agency. My ex-officemate said she recently visited a facility for elderly people but I need to go through an interview and evaluation process to determine if I qualify to let my mom move in to their facility and also assess my mom if they will accept her or not. Please all pray that she will be accepted and be found eligible to stay there for the many more years so that her welfare can be taken cared of. I just worry how long they can provide for her diapers and all that since she has incontinence daily and has probably Stage 5 Alzheimer’s disease. Anyway, as you all say, one step at a time. I will visit that facility for the elderly. It might not be free at all (nothing is free in these modern times) but I will see if this is the long-term solution so that my mom can be removed from my care as I have been suffering for close to 19 years of care giving. I am beginning to think that I also lost much of my youth and vibrant personality and got infected with the negativity that is common to elderly people. This is hard thing to shake off. So I want her distanced from me once she gets inside that facility. And if it would be possible, I want her there until the end of her life so that my daughter and I can travel abroad and possibly migrate once and for all. I have no plans to bring her with us as I don’t like to clash with my husband over care giving issues, just like what I frequently read here. It’s a mistake I know too well, and I’d better heed and listen to the many comments here rather than risk repeating it and seeing it happen to me & my future husband. It’s simply unfair to me, to my future husband and my daughter or his own kids to be fighting because of my mom who will surely put a strain to the entire relationship. I will let you all know if this December I can visit that facility, see for myself, and get interviewed and see if my mom will qualify. I hope she does, please pray for this to happen. It’s so much relief to actually have her away from the house for many years. I experienced this when she was at the hospital for hip surgery last March 2009 for 11 days. My daughter & I had the house all by ourselves, and we never have to make our voice loud just to hear each other. If my mom is here, it’s like we’re always shouting because of her bad hearing. Also, we get to clean and throw many of the things she hoarded for decades… LOL Good luck to me, thanks for all your prayers and support.
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