My mother recently spoke to my brother and told her a lot of things about her past that would be better left unsaid. Basically that she was never faithful to our father and pretty much had things going with many men in town. Is there anything dementia related that would maybe bring her to do this? We are having a hard time seeing the plus side of us knowing this.
Educate yourself on what happens when someone has dementia. How they act, the things they say, etc. People affected with dementia say outrageous things, and most of it isn’t true. I finally got to the point that I told Mom to be a lady and that ladies don’t say things like that.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/playing-along-with-dementia-realities-121365.htm
1. Dementia has a tendency to drop filters that we put up. Someone that has never used a curse word will all of a sudden make a sailor blush. Someone demure and proper may become very sexual. Someone may begin stealing things, shoplifting.
2. Imagination, things may seem real and if it is from a book we have read or a movie we have seen or a dream we had all these can then become "reality". the neighbor that has helped mow the lawn and taken in mail when you were on vacation now becomes a "thief" or a past lover....
It is best to try to deflect the conversation, do NOT argue. You will never "win" an argument with a person with dementia.
If in fact these things are true it is hard to "un ring a bell" so if you can find it in your heart to forgive the past and move forward you will be better for it. If your Father is still alive feel for him that he also carried this burden, if he has passed and did or did not know about this again he must have had a heavy heart but the fact that he kept this to himself he was/is a strong man. If he could forgive you can as well.
Do not let this be all that you remember about your Mom.
My mom once out of the blue said 'your father is a real bastard, he wouldn't even go to his own brother's funeral' - to which I said 'yes he did & so did you & the reason I know is that I went too - mom you even did a reading'
Try TEEPA'S GEMS videos on line - this with help both you & brother - your knowledge is the best way to cope
We all have had the daydream to ski a hill like a pro or sew the perfect dress but didn't have the skills so now our dementia friends are saying they did what they never could but maybe wished they could - it's a kind way of looking at it & if it is not harmful let them be - asking details will only show it is a fantacy
The girl who was a wallflower or quite uptight may have fantazied about being the most popular & substitutes what they think would have happened for the more humdrum that they actually lived - who knows what lurks in the minds of those with dementia