Anyone share your stress with a friend and lose that friendship?

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As a single woman still working and overseeing my mothers care I often find myself overwhelmed. I have no family but I do have one girlfriend. She has listened to me talk and get off my chest the stresses of care giving and I have listened to her talk about the stress of not working and mentoring a young 20 yr old kid with issues. Recently my friend asked me to take in her mentored kid because he was kicked out of the group home while she went out of town for a week. I did not take him in due to fact he has anger issues or other issues she wont share with me, and I do not really know him because he does not speak to me. Everything is a race issue with her and him because he is black and we are white. Well, long story short she has dumped me due to the fact "I did not grow balls and help her out" as I was advised I should be doing. She said she has listened to me talk about my mother and she feels I need to support her more than I am. She advised me all the times I treated her to concerts she only went as a favor to me and from now on she is going to concentrate on what makes her happy instead of trying to please others and I need to find someone else to go see Tim McGraw with me because she does not really like country music. I have sent her emails and texts asking questions on how she is doing only to get a reply that since I an not showing support she does not want to share. She has had me on egg shells for weeks.
After 3 weeks she has asked if I want to come over and talk. I said yes. How do I save this relationship and should I? Maybe I should just keep the stress of my mother to myself in order to have a friend during these tough times. Maybe my issues really are too much for a friendship.


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Thanks all. You really helped.
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It doesn't sound like the falling-out really had to do with your caregiving role or your talking about it. It sounds like she wanted this favor and she felt entitled to it because she has supported you in the past. I think it was pretty outrageous for her to expect you to take in a young man you barely know because she has made an emotional investment in him. You didn't ask her to take your demented parent in - listening to you talk about your mom (whether she's demented or not) isn't the same thing at all. It doesn't require nearly the same investment, or inconvenience, or potential risk.

Maybe she realized she was being a jerk. Honestly, I'd find out what she wants to say before letting her come over. She can send an email as well as you can.
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Ps. We have been friends for over 20 yrs
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Garden: yes this is the same friend. I sent her an email that I miss the friendship she responded 3 weeks later that I can come talk if I want. So I am, but nervous.
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Wow. I guess only you know if there is anything worth salvaging in this relationship. I can understand why she would be upset if she feels you only contact her to dump on, but it sounds as though the problem is more fundamental than that. It seems you have either grown apart, or your whole relationship has always been based on false assumptions. If you want to keep her in your life you may need to back off for a while and have a more superficial relationship where you each agree not to dump on the other. I get that she was under a lot of stress when you last talked, but IMO true friends don't expect payback and don't keep score.
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I should have read your profile first, but just now read it and am confused. You wrote:

"I have already lost my best friend due to the amount of time overseeing my mothers care takes up."

Is this the same friend who has the son with issues? If so, your post suggests the issue was because you refused to accept her son while she was out of town, but the profile states the loss of your best friend was b/c of your mother's issues.

Could you clarify please?
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1. I do think it was overreaction on your friend's part to become so distant because you wouldn't care for her son. There's a BIG difference between talking and actually caring for someone with problems.

2. I do think it was wrong, if not gutsy, for her to ask you to do that in the first place. I'm assuming she has no family in the area?

Someone who was "kicked out" of a group home seems to me to not be a candidate for staying with his mother's friend. Couldn't she have changed her plans to go out of town, or why didn't she take him with HER?

3. I would think seriously about whether you want to renew this friendship, and under what circumstances. Are there commonalities that the two of you have beyond the family health issues? If so, then, renew the friendship, but stand your ground and perhaps attempt to clear the air with frank discussions of the situation and how you both feel. And make it clear that you're not comfortable providing care for her son.

4. Your friend may have realized she overreacted, and if so, she does deserve a chance to explain herself. It can be easy for someone to assume too much in a friendship and overreact because the friend isn't willing to reciprocate in the manner suggested.

Discussing these issues can be a good way to mend the relationship, but if it happens again, I'd think seriously about whether or not to mend fences a second time.
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