I am 73, healthy and active. My son is very good to me, but he often reminds me that I am getting older and I am making his love for me very bumpy. In my opinion, he is too anxious to ensure that I live long and healthy, therefore, I must listen to his advices. For example, I am happy to be a devoted Christian and love reading the Bible. He would tell me that my behavior will narrow my mind which will cause me to shrink brain cells. He recently spent more than $2000 to rescue a wild chicken, and expected me to agree with his decision in saving life. He shared your "Thrifty Relatives" article, indicating that I have trauma about using money. Why are people so sure that the elderly are on the wrong/vulnerable and need to be "dealt with" on lots of weird issues?
Living next door to your family has it’s pros and cons, right?
Personally, I feel what you read in your home is your business.
Why does he care if you read the Bible? Where did he come up with shrinking brain cells? That’s crazy! I’m with Alva, I would not have been able to keep a straight face. I would have laughed out loud at that comment!
I love animals and all of nature but unless a person is a mega millionaire, it is excessive to spend that much money on a chicken. Maybe he put up a go fund me page to raise the money.
Or is your son stretching the truth a bit? Does he have a habit of embellishing stories?
I am sure that you love your son and he loves you but he is not showing you the respect that you deserve.
Sit him down. Make a point of coffee and tell him to kindly butt out of any business that doesn’t concern him.
Tell him that he can go to the library to read any brain enlarging books that he likes and that you will continue reading your beloved Bible.
Best wishes to you and your family.
The 2k+ spent to save a chicken is every bit his own hard earned money. Some people believe that there is no price tag on a compassionate heart.
I still love the Bible and reading/studying it regularly everyday. My spiritual food.
I appreciate your support!
I don't see the problem with enjoying being a Christian and reading the Bible or being thrifty at our age. Better thrifty then spending it all and then dear son has to support you. Of course I am still married, to a 74yr old, but my children have never told us we shouldn't be doing this or that. Just put him in his place. Say you are doing fine he need not worry.
If you enjoy the Scripture and reading the Good Book, then more power to you, sister. No one has a right to tell you otherwise on that one.
If you still have together, then you might want to look into arranging some in-home help for yourself on your own and leave your son out of it.
The elderly folks are not always wrong when it comes to using their own money. A lot of times adult children and grandchildren forget that it's NOT their money.
I appreciate thriftiness in others as well as in myself. In fact, I consider it a virtue. Your son might do well to get a bit on learning on financial responsibility. Anyone who spends two grand on a chicken shouldn't be advising others on how to spend their money.
If I would ever drop that kind of money on a chicken, it better come with a KFC franchise.
Here is the long story short: My son found a chicken attacked by possibly a racoon. He took it to the vet and paid $2000 for the right-wing surgery plus fees of hospital stay. He said he could not leave the chicken to long-suffering and most likely be devoured by other animals.
If however you feel you are being treated as a child now, yourself, do remind your Son you are competent and capable, and will ask for his assist and advice when you need' to.
This brain cell shrinking thing is hilarious. I am surprised you didn't laugh so hard you fell off your chair.
Do also suggest, the next time "Suggesting time" rolls around, that your son should eliminate the word "SHOULD" from his vocabulary
Suggestions are just that.
Advice is just advice unless or until you take it.
If his love for you is getting "bumpy" that is on him, not you.
Continue your active lifestyle (while you remain safe)
Make sure you have your plans sorted out as to how you want to be cared for if and when you need it.
Use YOUR funds to fund your care so you do not depend on him or others to pay for your care. IF there happens to be any left, great, if not so be it.
If not, agree to disagree with him. He has his opinions and you have yours. That's what makes the world go 'round, differing opinions. He thinks your bible is shrinking your thinking, you think him spending 2K to rescue a chicken is ludicrous. Agree to disagree. No difference of opinion should make either of you feel your love for one another is in jeopardy. My children and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum regarding many things, yet we love each other fiercely. We just don't discuss certain subjects. It's better that way. Easier, too.
"This is the long story short: My son found a chicken attacked by possibly a racoon. He took it to the vet and paid $2000 for the right-wing surgery plus fees of hospital stay. He said he could not leave the chicken to long-suffering and most likely be devoured by other animals."
Also I think people in the US see too many stereotypes of doddering old people, or they just haven't spent enough time with people much older than themselves so they don't see many living examples of amazing seniors (or even just "average" seniors!) Since the 1960's it's been a very youth-oriented culture here.
To be fair, I felt the same way in my youth...my grandparents retired to another state and I never saw them more than 1 week a year and my grandmother didn't speak English. Not a lot of opportunity to develop a deeper relationship, and I never knew them prior to retiring. Besides, they had 8 kids and countless grand and great-grandkids, so they didn't have the time to contact each one individually.
Sounds like your son is worried about you having enough funds to make it through your "sunset" years. Most people in the US spend 80% of their savings in the last 18 months of their lives, due to the cost of care. The best thing you can do is to make sure you have a durable PoA in place, a Living Will and a Last Will, and discuss your hopes for how you envision your care when you can no longer be independent. Peace to you and peace between you and your son.
I really appreciate you spending time to explain and share your intelligence. I will come back to read it again and again, making sure I cover important things for my future!
How old is your son? If you'll excuse my saying so, he sounds as if he has a little more maturing to do, perhaps.
My son is in his 30th. He is a soft-hearted person, but also very stubborn. When he is right, he does not bent. He and his wife are my next door neighbor. In last 14 months, they work from home, so we have a lot of interaction. 95% of time we are happy together.
A copy of the 2K chicken story:
"Here is the long story short: My son found a chicken attacked by possibly a racoon. He took it to the vet and paid $2000 for the right-wing surgery plus fees of hospital stay. He said he could not leave the chicken to long-suffering and most likely be devoured by other animals."