I have texts from my mom saying she feels like she's in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend. He literally scolds her! Tells her what she should and shouldn't do and god forbid she doesn't obey. He drinks, sleeps, plays video games all day everyday. He drives her car drunk and actually damaged her car but won't admit to it. He's EXTREMELY ANGRY that I've moved back home (even tho I stay in my own rv& 99% of the time I am not connected to her electric, I don't eat her food, I rarely even go inside except for shower and restroom) but still he b****** at HER for EVERYTHING I DO!!! If I turn on a light, use the water hose, if I have a friend visit me in MY RV, if I play music in the daytime while I'm busting my a** doing all the yardwork around here, he's running to her room and throwing a fit. But HE thinks he's king s*** and can do whatever he wants... He also thinks he's still as tough as he was 20 yrs ago and if he keeps pushing me he's going to learn REAL QUICK that he's nothing more than an overgrown nasty, lazy slow mouth breathing worthless POS giant and his
5' 1" 140lb little sister has some muscles and can throw some hands ! He's been freeloading off my parents for well over a decade... Same routine...drinks sleeps video games stirs up drama with whatever family member that isn't kissing his gigantic a**.... even his nephews!!...Him and the entire living room and his bedroom and the hallway reeks of fermented alcohol so bad!!! He only started paying his way once I signed him up for benefits I pay my own way for 99% of EVERYTHING and still give my mom what I can each payday and I paid for the water to up my pool.....but he runs around the house turning on every faucet hot and cold when I'm topping off the pool or hosing myself down after busting my a** for 7 hours straight doing yardwork in 107° so cal heat! My mom has severe depression for 30+ years. She lost her husband a yr and 3 months ago so now it's worse. But she's also got COPD and is on oxygen and sleep apnea and heart and thyroid issues. He had her so upset tonight that she asked me for a cigarette (I talked her down for now but he's still b******* at her every few minutes) and she hasn't had a cigarette in over. 8 months! IDGAF what my brother says or does to me I can take it.. His stupid threats and hate filled letters left by my rv door....but if I don't find a way to get him out of her house like NOW hes going to kill my mother with stress and heartache!!! God I want to just beat the brakes off of his a** or taze his a** or pepper spray him so bad! But it'll just cause my mom more stress! Someone please give me some sound solutions before this gets any more out of hand!!!
Is Mom prepared to set new rules in her house? Tell brother clearly what behaviour is not acceptable to her?
She must decide what the consequence will be if he continues being verbally abusive or controlling.
Does Mom want him to move out? Have you asked her?
If she does, she needs to tell him - that it's time to get his own accommodation & set a timeframe (eg 4 weeks) for him to do this.
If Mom is reliant on him for care (meals, shopping, yard work) then she will need to arrange replacements for everything he does.
You can't force her to kick him out or stand up to him.
You can call 911 if things esculate into violence, threats & Mom is afraid of him.
Unfortunately many suffering abuse will deny, minimise or make excuses & let things stay the same.
I hope you can find the way towards positive change for you all.