Severe dementia issues.

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My husband and I are caring for his Mother who recently lost her husband. A few years ago she suffered a stroke that increased her diminishing memory issues. She is 90 years old and doesn't remember the stroke. Further when she forgets things she calls whoever remembers the facts liars, at a tantrum level. Since her husband passed she creates horrible stories about family members, including her deceased husband to garner attention. She calls anyone who will take her calls repeatedly to spread these falsehoods. This makes most days almost unbearable. Currently we have her at our home for a week (celebrating her birthday). The first day she went into the laundry room, urinated, then closed the door leaving the huge puddle. She denied it (as usual). I am beginning to believe that the severe dementia has escalated into Alzheimer's due to the meanness of her actions and comments. Is there a test than I can have done to determine what the real issue may be ? My husband's siblings are not and never have been willing to care for her. I will continue to care for her regardless of her issues, but it is becoming very difficult and the insults are starting affect me. Her husband was very aware of this problem, but he kept quiet for the sake of his own sanity. Any suggestions are most welcome.

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It does sound quite concerning. Do you have Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare POA? Even if you don't you can try to get her to a doctor. If it's not too late, she may still be able to sign them, except it sounds like she might not be in a very cooperative mood.

I would write down all that you have observed about her for her doctor. I'd forward it to him just before her appointment, so he will know what to look for. I've done this before several times and the doctor was so grateful. The doctor can rule out things like infections, medications, etc. and give her an evaluation in the office.

If it is dementia, which it sounds like, I'd read a lot about it and how it progresses. Some go faster than others. You stated you would care for her from here on out, but, I'd just read about how it's not just memory loss and acting out a little. They can get very aggressive, accuse you of horrible things, stay up all night, wander, do dangerous things, become unable to walk and become incontinent, etc. It's really an around the clock job. I'd explore how you would handle this alone.

Also, if you haven't checked her house, you might see how things are going on there. You might be shocked. Also, check on unpaid bills, insurance, etc. She may have forgotten to pay them. Sometimes neighbors and church friends can also give you an earful of things that they have witnessed.
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Diagnose with a MRI spell check changed my answer
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Hi I'm a RN and you can do Alzehemiers with w MRI now ... the after death is a long ago idea... please go see a neurologist and get a MRI asap
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You need to get her an appointment with a geriatrician ( an internist who treats the elderly) or a neurologist who specializes in dementia.

Alzheimer's can only be diagnosed after death, I believe. But it sounds as though she would bebfit from placement in memory care, unless you can bring in several shifts of caregivers each day to care for her.
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