Settling the estate. How do you divide what's left?

I've been executrix twice and here's my suggestions:
- pay yourself for administration. If you are not going to probate, then I would call the courthouse to see what the costs are for probate. Then you pay yourself that full amount as you are saving the "estate" those costs alone. Then for the amount to pay for your "administration", well the probate attorney said to me either you pay yourself & do the the work or you pay my office for me & my paralegal to do the work…..so I did a lot of the work (almost 4 years full run probate too for 1 of my aunts). The amount was based on the percentage of the known estate at the beginning, so if mom has 50K in savings that all would be in her estate and a home with assessor value of 100K, then her known estate is 150K and you can pay yourself off the top 15%. Then when everything is done and final, final, final and there is funds left then you can pay yourself an additional 5% (so your administration fee is 20% of the estate). This is what we did and I was told is somewhat standard of an approach especially if the executrix has any education and is themselves a professional.

About the worthless siblings, this is totally a hornets nest. IF & totally IF you can prove with documentation the 8K and house transfer; and then the land transfer, then I would deduct the amounts from their share. Like you get the documents of the filings from the courthouse that show the registered transfer of the ownership of the land and you get the tax assessor records for the land at the time of the transfer. As administrator you have to do all this anyways and you want to clearly show with documentation why worthless bro #2 & even more worthless bro # 3 had their share reduced. Then when you distribute the funds, everybody gets a folder with all those details in it. They will still be pissed but the reasoning will all be out there as to why.

Most courthouses have all their records available as an on-line download for minimal costs too. You need to find the parcel number for the properties as this is the key for all info. Really once you have it, you can quickly get what you need to document everything on all real property the mom had. Most counties do this for the more recent past - like 10 years. Older than that they research and mail to you. Keep track of the costs as those are expenses to be reimbursed for too.

I personally have not been through this but a very close friend of mine has. You keep a little extra for you since you are doing all of the work and then follow your mother's wishes and distribute it evenly among those who are left. Personally I would give myself a hefty amount for all the work and stress that you had to do. I know that it would be hard to give anything to the ones that did nothing and stole from her and took advantage of her but she knew what they where doing and she let them. I hope this helps. I am by no means an expert on the subject but that is what I would do.

Will includes all assets ... So if you deduct the $8000 which was never paid back and deduct the value of her home which was never paid for.... Then you would disperse equally what's left...

I'm in with ashandass7. Sound completely ethical and logical to me. I would even tend to believe it's legal. My father has disbursed funds to one of my six siblings often because he is forever needy. BUT, my father keeps a record of it and is taking it off of his inheritance. That's what folks should do when handing out money to their kids that don't have the respect and honor to pay it back. By golly, the one time I had to borrow from my dad, my husband and I paid it back.

When my grandparents on my dads side died, my folks owed them some money from a loan. Dad paid it back. I always thought that was weird, but he said he owed it whether they were dead or alive. On the other hand, when my husband's grandmother died she was mad at his brother for not visiting like the other two boys did. So she told my father-in-law she didn't want that grandson to have any money, but the other two were to get $10,000. He honored her wishes by giving my husband and the oldest brother 10k. But then he took that same amount that he was supposed to inherit and gave it to the middle brother. In the end it all came out even the way he and my mother-in-law had always done. So I guess you'll have to decide what's right and what you can live with.

Your mother gave you instructions to divide it equally. The right thing to do is follow her wishes. It is after all her money/things to be divided. Don't let the poison continue to carry into the next generation.

She gave willingly to the other siblings of her assists right? So do what she wanted and let it all go.

Keep up with your hours you spend handling all of this. Pay yourself. I'd keep "books" in case siblings ask about it. Then do as Mom asked.

What would be the point of having a will if it's not executed? What was the point of having that discussion with your mom before her death? So you know what she wants done, and so you can carry it through.

If siblings are guilty of theft or coercing your mom or whatever, it's on their heads. Your mom still loved them, decided not to press charges, and so it's really out of your hands.

But you can certainly learn lessons from all of this when you prepare your will, if you haven't already done so.

We've had our wills for years. We have two children. Everything will be divided equally, even though my daughter (who lives five minutes away) does more for me/us than my son does. And they both know what's in the will. It's how we want it. :)


Sharon

You can also charge a fee as executor....

i took my closet full of motorcycle carbs and hauled balls .
just sayin , ill be ok . dont cry for me -- argentiiiinaaa ..

Thank you all for your helpful responses. I'm sure I will split it equally in the end - less administrative costs - and marvel at the unconditional love my mom was able to give.