I am a middle age man, who is living with my 84 year old single aunt. I care about her greatly and I am appreciative of our situation. I do not pay rent, and I take care of the house, "supervise" her and her actions. She has been single and independent her whole life. Her greatest fear is being put into a home. She believes that she can manage on her own, which is not the case. I see how she is a shut in. She does not have guests, doesn't talk on the phone, etc...What I have trouble with is not burning out and taking care of myself. We come from a large family, and sadly, no one calls or visits. When they have in the past she is verbally abusive to them. I am grateful that she is kind with me, most of the time. I wish - lol - that I could get a day off..if that doesn't sound too selfish.
Of course you do not sound selfish! If you do not find a way to do something for yourself, away from your aunt, you will do more harm than good to both of you! Is there a senior center in your town? If so, call them and ask if they can refer you to a "senior helpers/companions" group who comes into the home to sit with the elderly(at a per hour rate, of course!). it sounds like your aunt doesnt need skilled nursing, just a companion. You can also try local churches, doctor's offcies/hospitals, and Meals on Wheels if you have it in your area. I found a lady through our church who does visitation for elderly shut ins...she visits Mom once a week and through her, I found a companion for my mom who now comes 3 times a week! I DO NOT know what I would do without her help...an absolute God send! You deserve some time off....check out my recommendations or google "senior in-home care/assistance" in your area. Best of luck to you!
The problem with the senior citizen center is if aunty has become entrenched in her home, it will take a lot of brainstorming or ingenuity to get her to even step out and attend something in which she knows Nobody. You may need to start with baby steps, here. I'd try first to find someone who can come to the home and socialize with her. Like TSM said, church, organization, etc... Then together, they can visit the senior center. Or, maybe you can approach the center, explain the situation and see if 2 of their members can drop by (or 1 if they have no problem visiting a total stranger's home). And I think you know it's going to get worse. Now will be the time to figure out what you will need to help you with her. Now will be the time to prepare Yourself on what is ahead. Know how much that You can do without jeapordizing your health vs. what she wants (stay home). Set a limit on how much you are willing to do for her. This could be a flexible limit. Up to you.
In the beginning of mom's Alz, father fought for the meals on wheels for BOTH of them. It was originally only for mom. But he argued that taking care of her is a constant work - he has no time to cook a meal and yet watch her. So, they cave in. He found a college program funded by the federal govt - a study on senility. He applied - and got a weekly visit for respite (for him to relax) and free limited supplies (pampers, wipes, etc..) Father did a LOT of calling. I think this would be a good idea for you, too. Learn as much as you can because you will be needing it down the line. Take care!!
I did not mean to suggest that he bring her to a senior center, but for him to contact them to see of they could recommend in-home companions/programs in their community.
Sorry, TSM, I misunderstood your comments. I tend to do that when I'm too tired and not thinking clearly. Still tired but I re-read your comments. I definitely read it wrong. You gave excellent advice. Take care.
In the beginning of mom's Alz, father fought for the meals on wheels for BOTH of them. It was originally only for mom. But he argued that taking care of her is a constant work - he has no time to cook a meal and yet watch her. So, they cave in. He found a college program funded by the federal govt - a study on senility. He applied - and got a weekly visit for respite (for him to relax) and free limited supplies (pampers, wipes, etc..) Father did a LOT of calling. I think this would be a good idea for you, too. Learn as much as you can because you will be needing it down the line. Take care!!