Can I have a separate time at the funeral home for people who know me, and not attend the main ones with my siblings that have done nothing? - AgingCare.com

Can I have a separate time at the funeral home for people who know me, and not attend the main ones with my siblings that have done nothing?

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I am preplanning Mom's funeral since she has money set aside and we need to use it for her funeral since she does not have life insurance.

I am the main caregiver for Mom. Others are in a variety of states of denial. I really do not want to stand there hearing them tell everyone how much they miss their beloved Mother. The same mother they have done next to nothing for her care as her dementia gets worse.

To see them cry and wail is more than I can stand. I have come to terms that they are unable to step up and do their part.

So I want to set up a viewing that is not published in the paper and let those who know me if they want to support me they come at that time. Then I will leave and the rest of the family can attend the other viewings.

And they can play out their drama without me.

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Sending you love and support, Assandache!
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Mom passed yesterday..It was time...

I am happy to say that my siblings were most helpful...Two of my sisters stayed with me and Mom for 3 days and nights until she passed
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So sorry for your loss, Assandache.
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churchmouse thanks for the chuckle - gives you a thumbs up and a knowing smile
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Babygirl, having to 'rise above' scapegrace siblings for the duration of the funeral is a last service you can offer up to your mother. I was lucky in that it so happened that I had to leave my mother's funeral immediately after the service - no time to talk to anyone and a genuine reason that had nothing to do with fear of punching my brothers and sister in their stupid faces.

But one thing that did happen was that my brother's girlfriend, who is a decent woman I have no problem with, tried to break ice by saying kindly "it's worse for you." To which I replied "thank you, but it's not a competition." Which was true, and is true for you too. Saying it helped me remember it.

This is your mother's funeral. You may well feel that there is a certain amount of hypocrisy sloshing around, maybe more than you can easily stomach, but remind yourself that her other children too are entitled to mourn her in proper form, and owe her that at least. No matter how full of sh*t they sound in your ears.
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Grandma1954 that's a great idea. My family has used hospice services twice over the years (my brother had pancreatic cancer and my nephew had colon cancer).
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babygirlga...please think of donating some to your Hospice.
The one I have my husband with turns no one away, even those without insurance. They have funds available to provide help for under or uninsured and I plan to contribute to that fund when my husband passes. They have been heaven sent angels and I could not do this journey without their help.
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Assandache, that is surprising the sisters have gathered-a difficult but special time for you.
My thoughts are with you. If the sissies stay awhile, it eases discomfort to play boardgames at the bedside, like scrabble?
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wow Ladybug this is me... I cared for both my parents - the thought of them being at my dads memorial just turns my stomach. I wont be able to mourn him with them there- heck i havent been able to yet because of what i recently found out what one of them did. I dont know what to do..
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Surprisingly 2 sisters have been since Saturday 24 hrs..I so appreciate the help and support...

Mom's still hanging on..
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