Why should we as seniors in our golden years have to give up our home?

Follow
Share

that we have lived in worked saved for so we can live in until we die than our children want to put u s in nursing home or assistant living after all the years we spent careing for them taking care of grand children

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
26

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
Before my mother moved in with us, she had a huge house, 2 hours away. The home needed continual fixing. My mother expected us to help her. She was also a hoarder,and she began to collect all sorts of things, making the home less and less safe.Obviously,it was time to move her due to her failing to take care of simple things( bills, yard, basic needs of the up-keep).  Also, I was worried that she was going to fall in her home,as there was three flights of stairs.
For her to expect us to take care of her and her home was too much for us. However, she never realized how hard it was for us to make time to come and fix things.
Parents, especially if they are living alone, should embrace the fact that they should move to a senior facility. I am realistic enough to know that when my husband passes, I , too, will be ready to move when I am no longer able to take care of my home. I have told my children this, I don't want them to have to worry about me ( or take care of me or my home), like I have done with my mother.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

For me, the trouble with this comment is that it is so general. The OP has said it is not about herself so it is a general statement abut seniors. I, as many other here can justify why we cannot help our parents to stay in their homes, some parents have chosen to go into facilities ( my mother), some parents have conditions so serious they requite 24/7 professional help and so on.

I am wondering, Mary, if you are concerned about yourself and your future. Many seniors develop illnesses such that they require special care and staying in their home is not wise, nor kind to their children.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I'm sure most of us here have given plenty, LONG BEFORE the thought of Assisted living or Nursing home care, ever came into play! In the many many years of giving up weekends, while the parents  still lived in their home, changing light bulbs, mowing their lawns, and all the many things that we ourselves were putting on the back burner, while working and caring for our own homes and children!

There come a time when you just CAN'T ANYMORE!

In our own situation, we've care for my FIL in our home for 13 years, and it's just time!

we've gotten older too, and are plum worn out!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If you can live in your home safely why would you be forced to give it up? It is when you expect others to give up their lives so yours doesn't change there is a problem.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Mary, the sad reality is that people are rarely in a nursing home who don't need to be there. For one thing, it's terribly expensive, and almost nobody can afford it. Medicaid will only pay if the person has a level of impairment requiring skilled nursing care. At that level of impairment, it would take a small army to care for them at home. Adult children would have to give up everything else in their lives to take care of them. Some can't do that at all, some won't do it, and some will do it for a period of time before it becomes too much for them to handle.

I think that in terms of how much adult children care about their parents or how much they do for them, you really can't generalize from one relationship to another or make a general rule about what people should be willing to do. Every relationship is different. Some adult children have close relationships with their parents and some have very distant or conflictual relationships. I'm glad that your children are supportive and loving and that you feel you can count on them if you need anything. I wish every elder could have that, but sometimes it doesn't work that way. I don't judge anyone without knowing their particular circumstances. Not everyone had doting, loving parents growing up. Some who did are selfish and ungrateful, for sure. But I wouldn't consider anyone selfish or ungrateful just because their parent has had to move to assisted living or a nursing home. The amount of time, energy, and commitment required to keep an incapacitated elder in their home is just more than most people can do. And the fact that the people often live for many years or even decades after becoming too frail to take care of themselves presents a major challenge for even the most loving families. People just plain wear out from having to take care of someone for so long.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Mary your concern for others is very laudable and it would be wonderful if all seniors could be cared for in their own homes till the day they die. Unfortunately we no longer live in a time of big famillies who never moved more than 30 miles from their birth place. They too had large families so there was always room for grandma and lots of people to share the caregiving.
Sorry to say things have changed, not that I agree with the way things are but realistically both parents need to work to maintain the life style they have been educated to expect. Another aspect of this life is that divorce has become so easy and quick that family units are torn apart and the mother is usually the one who struggles to work at a low paying job just to keep a roof over her head. She just can't give up her job so the alternative for her parents is assisted living when they are no longer able to care for their needs.
OK I follow a lot of frugal living sites so I know it is possible to live on very little money but the fact remains that you can be frugal in many areas but the utility company still has to be paid, gas has to go in the car to get to work and medical bills have to be paid.
I totally understand your wishes that elderly parents should not have to be forced out of their own homes by their children. However there is often no choice and it becomes inevitable when an accident happens and the elder simply can't go home. Of course there are bad children whose only plan is to get their hands on Mom and Dad's money and naturally they don't post on this forum.
Right now my daughter would like us to move closer to her and is even willing to buy a house and pay for any extra help we need which is wonderful. I like living in our current location and simple don't want to face the upheaval of another move. I physically can no longer do it and hubby is too disorganized and becomes so agitated before and after that the stress is more than I want to face.
I wish everyone could look forward to a peaceful old age but we have no right to expect our children to make up for our lack of foresight in our younger years. I also wish that many children did not have to suffer the abuse and disadvantages that many have to endure. i would like to think that there is no abuse of vulnerable elders in nursing homes but I know that is not the case. i wish all the elderly were sweet and kind to their caregivers but if you read a few posts on this forum you will soon see what many caregiver have to put up with when they have sacrificed their lives for a parent. It would be nice if all Drs were able to only think of the best for their patients but unfortunately these days they perform many tests to cover their butts from the legal profession. No body ever said life was fair.
Can you give of yourself Mary while you are still able to volunteer and help other elders even if it is only spending an hour with a neighbor to help write some letters. Every little helps.

Oh and while I am at it I wish there were more handicapped spaces in parking lots especially at hospitals.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

just for th e record my children are the greatest children any one could have we are a very close family I was not not talking about how my children treat's me my children are always here when and if i need them and when i don't nee d them they are always around go visit the nursing homes in your area and just listen how sa d and loneling they are to be there would you lik e to b e there just because som e one said you had to be no i do not think so just my though for th e day
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Mary, I used to take care of my exes parents. His mom is legally "competent" for reasons way beyond my comprehension. She chooses to live upstairs in a house and is not mobile enough to get herself a glass of water. Both of her legs have less than 5 percent circulation and green open infected sores on them. She falls daily and if he works, she has no heat because it the house is heated by a wood stove downstairs. She refuses to go to a facility for proper care to heal. If hyperbaric treatments do not work, both her legs will be amputated. Meanwhile, shes infected, hallucinating and sitting in her own urine. She belongs in a home but the family believes in rights and aging in place. In my opinion, a person is better off in a nursing home than being neglected by those that "care".
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

no one is forcein me to live in a nursing home or senior center I am sorry if it sounds that way I am just posting my though on here about senior living an d nursing home's I am sure there ha s to be some out there posting what I think about the way older citizen in thi s county are treated just to clear the record I was not talking about my self just posting
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

maryeit, in my neighborhood, one caring daughter decided to let her elderly parents stay at home, despite their decline and confusion
They accidentally started a fire in the house. They called a son who was 300 miles away for assistance. The house ended up a total loss and both went to a hospital. Is that risk worth taking?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.