She has not wanted to grant us a healthcare proxy and most of her doctors are unwilling to speak to us (HIPPA) and have been slow to intervene despite worsening conditions. Concerned that she may turn suicidal. She lives alone in NC - 500 miles away from her 3 children (NY, MA). Recently she has alienated almost all her friends and support group as she clings to her notion that she is robbed on a daily basis to explain her inability to keep track of things in her house. For the past 12 months, she has been unwilling to leave the house but for brief periods during the day. She has been close to her family, but is now mistrustful of us since we do not subscribe to her delusions. She did agree to undergo a mental health exam in September, which cleared her of any dementia but did validate that she paranoid delusions. She did start taking Risperdal but is very suspicious of it and keeping it at a sub-therapeutic dose. In October has scared off her longstanding friends who were helping her keep track of her checkbook. No surprise, she is unwilling to grant a health proxy to anyone, although a friend has one for end-of-life care.

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This is heartbreaking - I'm not sure you can do anything without going to court and having her declared incompetent. You may want to have a consultation with an elder law attorney in your community to see if you have other choices. Good luck,
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Thank you, sobering, but helpful to hear your response. The hardest part is not knowing what we are waiting for - when doctors can act outside the restrictions of HIPPA to include us in the decision making or just to consult with us. It is hard to get any straight answer from the patient (my mom) as the treatment directly confronts her own delusions which she dearly holds onto. It was amazing we got her any to agree to any treatment at all, but her wish is that it changes nothing in the end. It is hard to see any ending to this saga that is not terrible. I will consult an attorney in her home state.
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