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I just found out a few months ago my mom has dementia. I have known for awhile something was wrong but didn’t want to except it or take her to Dr. to find out what was going on. She went from 130 lbs in 2009 to 84 lbs when took her to Dr about 4 months ago. The Dr says she had dementia, so my husband and I moved her in with us.

She rented a house so when me and my husband went to move things there was cat poop under her bed and the house was nasty! Why did I never notice this!!!

Now we have moved her in with us and all she does is lay on the couch or her bed. I can only get her to take a bath about twice a week and trying to get her to eat is a fight! I feed her I don’t know how many times a day Ensure milk shakes 2 times a day but when I give her a meal she takes a few bites and says she is done. She can eat a pound of Hershey Kiss in a week. Oh, she has gained 6 lbs since she has move in.

After my long story my question is how do make her eat better and is it normal for dementia patients not to bath or just lay around. When I try to get her to do something she always says she just doesn’t feel good.

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Acceptance takes time, but accepting the fact that you can't change your mother's diagnosis is critical to how you handle it. Acceptance doesn't mean that you like it - it simple means that you acknowledge in your heart that you can't fix it. From there you go on to learn how to cope.

Please keep coming back to this site where most of us have had experience in the sad and difficult road of caring for someone with dementia.
Carol
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You're doing fine, Auntkiki. It sounds like your mom's condition was a shock at first but you're getting the hang of it now. You've stepped up and you've been successful. Pat yourself on the back!

And about the shower thing? Twice a week is just fine. There are people here who can't get their loved ones to shower twice a month let alone twice a week.
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Every time I check this site, I don't feel so alone in my daily battles with my mother who has dementia. My mother also refuses to bath unless I practically drag her into the shower. I put up with it for as long as I could, but the bad smells finally got to me. Because of the odor, I have to wash her bedding more often and her clothes, plus I just can't bear her smell if she doesn't bathe. So, I insisted she bathe every other day. I told her I would have to put her into assisted living if she doesn't try to help me by cooperating with me more. It's still a battle, but, lately she has been giving in and bathing every other day. I'm still exhausted with the constant arguing whenever I mention taking a shower.
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I think that is my trouble I am letting everything get to me. I just want her to be like she was but i have to accept she wont. She goes to Dr. next week and I am going to talk to him about her antidepressant and also about something to help with her appetite. Thank you for your help.
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Bathing twice a week is somewhat of a miracle for someone with dementia. She may be suffering from depression, which could contribute to her not wanting to do anything, so you may want to check with the doctor to see if he or she thinks an antidepressant could help.
However, as OctoberOhio5 said, keeping her safe and reasonably is saying something important. You are doing fine. You may want to look for support by checking your state website and looking for their version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. You state may use a slightly different name, but every state has a version of this program. They can offer a lot of help. If your community has an Area Agency on Aging, they are very helpful, as well. You can check the national website at www.n4a.org. Type in your Zip code to see who represents you.
Please keep watching this forum. You'll learn many helpful things and also realize that you aren't alone. That can be one of the most important lessons of all.
Take care of yourself,
Carol
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Wow! You get your mom to take a bath about twice a week! I'm lucky if it's once every two months with mine...and that's always a fight. She goes through a pound of MMs every other day. So, see, you are not alone....stay with this board it is invaluable!.
Accepting that you can only do what you can do is the hardest part. Just try to keep her as safe as you can and as comfortable and don't go to the twilight zone with her...! Good Luck to you.
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