Can I allow my father to "sneak" things that make him happy but are not medically good for him? - AgingCare.com

Can I allow my father to "sneak" things that make him happy but are not medically good for him?

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My Father has dementia and A-fib.
He has had his license taken away (no independence) and lives at home with me where he wants to continue to live as long as he can.
He despises the idea of assisted living.
He is on a fluid restriction to about 40 oz per day and a salt-free diet.
He drinks more coffee than that while I am at work and eats whatever he wants during the day.
Alcohol is not recommended for him but sometimes when he gets frustrated at his situation or can't sleep he wants to have a glass of wine or scotch & water.
I know these things are not good for him but I want him to have SOME choice of the things he can and can't do.
Am I wrong?
This is all a new situation for the both of us and sometimes he "tests" like a small child would.
Should I "spank him" by taking these things away or allow him "moderately" to continue?
I do not want to be cruel or harsh or anything like that especially in these later years.
He has no illusions about living forever and I know his dementia will get worse as time goes by.
HE is expecting to die in his sleep, quick and easy but I doubt if he will be so "lucky".
It would be a shame for him to take care of himself so that his body outlives his reason but at the same time I don't want anything bad to happen to him.
ALSO...I am not "power of attorney" I am the caregiving son.
Can there be repercussions for me for not being a strict enforcer of my Father's diet?

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My mom has dementia, A-fib and takes Lipitor. She loves Taco Bell, Chinese egg rolls, Nestle Crunch bars and chocolate chip cookies. I let her eat the junk food (along with some fruits and veggies) because it makes her happy. An I'm happy she is eating, period.
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Get an attorney ASAP and go for Guardianship AND Conservatorship and health care power of attorney to make all medical decisions. Your dad needs a living will plus all funeral arrangements and a Do Not Resuscitate order. SK
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Sonny, in my opinion, people are only human, and have to enjoy themselves once in a while.
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You are talking like your father will never pass. Okay, it sounds like your brother is allowing you to live with your father, and is not going to sale his house from under him, as you stated, but what a great advantage to your brother, you take care of your father, and he does not have to worry about that, and your reward is to get to live in your dad;s house, to take care of your dad. What about you? If there is a will and not a Trust, that might be a problem. A Trust may not allow your brother from taking his money now. You need to contact an lawyer, you need to protect your rights, just because your brother has the POA does not mean you do not have a right to see, or be able to audit the books yourself, get an attorney, get an accountant, once your dad passes, it will be to late.
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I have not seen the Will but I am told that when the will was written the Estate was supposed to be split 50/50.
My Brother took his "half" of the house already. (at least it is supposed to look that way)
With his P.O.A., he seized all the family documents, controls my Father's Invesment Income and is having all the mail pertinent to same routed directly to his house...nobody there to audit him.
I have spoken to my Father about the sale of the house so at least he will have a place to live and my Brother cannot sell it out from under him.
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This issue is about a lot more than what food your dad is eating. jeannegibbs is 100% correct, you need to get an elder law attorney NOW. It sounds like if your dad passed tomorrow, you would get nothing. Is there a Trust and Will? How does it read?
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Get thee to an elder law attorney NOW.
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The condo is in my Brother's name and he will NOT take him to Florida.
He "took a loan" on his half of the house WE are supposed to inherit together.
He conveniently snatched my Father's checkbooks and is having all his financial documents mail-rerouted to HIS house (because he has power of attorney of course).
Who is to know if he is making any payments on the money?
Supposedly I can "buy the house for $1.00" and he gives up any interest he has in the house.(the house MAY bring $270K if I sold it)
This is my brother's way of sticking ME with an old 5 bedroom house I don't need in a city I don't like.(I have no kids and my wife died over 10 years ago)
Nice, easy, clean for HIM...if I get the house at all...who knows if the "kangaroo contract" he drew up holds any water?
My plan is to keep the house as long as my Father can live in it so he will be in familliar surroundings.
He is out of touch with the digital world...was before his dementia started accelerating and anything he knows gives him comfort.
I hear horror stories that if an elderly person goes into assisted living and runs out of money, they go after the house if the deed was transferred less than 5 years before no matter who owns it...or try to get the buy money.

My Brother also gets very curt, defensive and down right ignorant if you ask him about ANYTHING. (like HE is really doing much living as far as he does)
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Does he intend to take your father to FL? If not, why is he using your father's money to buy a condo? That is stealing. Also, if your father's dementia is bad enough, he is not competent to give instructions to buy a condo. Sounds to me like you may need to contact an elder law attorney. And, no, I don't think you are being too suspicious. Oh, by the way, whose name is that condo in? If your brother's, has your brother given your father a loan document & started making payments to your dad?
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Actually my brother (eldest son) has POA and I.M.O. he is doing some pretty questionable things that might borderline on abuse of this authority.
He just snatched 150K from my Father's estate and bought a condo in Florida.
He will go into a Hospital and declare that he has POA and suddenly the Doctors and staff don't talk to anybody but him. (if I gotta live with my Father I would expect I should be the one to hear the medical details directly)
He has siezed all my Father's financial assets (including the deed to my Father's house which I am supposed to end up with), "doublespeaks" on medical information and my Father's health status after Doctor visits (slanted toward his own purposes) and is not realistic with many decisions considering that he lives 35 miles away and I am the "caregiver"...here with my Father daily.
When I question HIM, he gets extremely combatative and ignorant to the point I would normally "take to blows". (if he were a stranger ANY man would have hit him by now)
He insists that he does everything at my Father's request but nobody else is ever around to hear my Father make these requests...and my Father disputes and wants to bicker with ME about every new infringement.
I don't know...supposedly Dementia turns one paranoid and hostile to family members but I have "tripped my brother up" enough to be suspicious too.
Is my Father's constant paranoid ranting making ME too suspicious?
I have seen what happens in some families toward someone's end and it can be pretty ugly.
Should I push to have "guardian" status since I am caregiver?
The situation is frustrating enough from my Pop's medical condition...it is even tougher when it looks like my brother is betraying the family.
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