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He's suing me and the bank. He's on medication for his dementia and I don't think he told his lawyer he has dementia. My father has been threatening me for some time about doing this. I've told him his money is safe. He also receives his ss check and has that money available to him. I was representative, because his doctor filled out a form stating he's incompetent to handle his funds and I never touched that money and somehow he managed to take me off of his check as payee representative, which I didn't have a problem with because his behavior towards me was becoming more hostile. I was having a very hard time transitioning from daughter to parent and am still struggling with it. My father wants $15,000 in excess stating on his summons that I took his money and converted to my own use and giving it to others. His money was used for health care, bills, insurance, his wife, taking care of everyday needs for him which he was in a facility and when he got home. Also maintenance of his and my mother's house. All his other money is still in the bank gaining interest and I just recently withdrew $900 to further pay for the maintenance of the house. My father has access to over$20,000 from his social security and will not contribute in any way to assist my mother his wife with anything.

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Your first step is to talk with a qualified Elder law Attorney. You may have to file for guardianship if he is beyond rational thinking which it appear he is. The court will rule that you then have the legal ability to do all the financial, medical and life decisions for your Dad. You have to justifiy this for yourself as you are doing it in his own best interest even though he will not agree. Many people going through the stages of dementia go through very ugly stages of accusations against friends, family and care givers. Everyone is stealing from them, etc. It is the disease taliing not your father the person. You have to hold on to that. I am dealing with the ssme thing with my Mom who has dementia. I finally decide in my own mind is that the only thing i can truly do for her is to be sure she is in a safe place with as much comfort as is possible. I turned over her care completely to the care givers at the foster home where she is residing. I can now go and be her daughter, again. It is much better for the both of us with this arrangement. She told me a few month's ago to "quit trying to micro-manaage her life". I think that was the best advice she has given me in a long time and I have taken it to heart and it is now better for both of us. I go and see her 3-4 times a week but as her daughter-not her care taker. It does help.
Hope this helps you as well.
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Yes I would requesta copy of all his medical records an testing in regards to his Dimentia and send a copy overnight to his attorney an let him know if he continues the case knowing he has dimentia you will turn him over as complaint to the bar association an sue him for all money he is taking from your father. let him know you have all financial receipts and your father is responsible foe financial care of your mother an you also are entitled to support for caring for bith if them.
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Every time that I read someone elses story about taking care of a loved one with dementia or alzheimer, I realize how blessed I am. I brought my stepmother home Sept. 7 2012 from the nursing home which she had been in for the past 5 years. Against everyone's advice....She has been so sweet and kind, I had prepared myself for the worst knowing how bad it could be...So I just wanted to say that everyone has given you very good advice....The most important being, It's the illness, you have to not take it personal, which I know must be very hard...Well good luck....God bless...
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As previously stated, it's the disease, not your loved one, & if it wasn't about you stealing his money, it would be something else. My mother is convinced I'm stealing & consuming her apple juice bottles. She'll say, "Well, there are bottles missing that I know *I-i-i-i* didn't drink" (We are the only two people here as my mother is a recluse). This is one example of *many*. I daily (& multiple times a day) have to remind myself that in her right mind, my mother would be appalled by her recent behavior, & that I cannot take it to heart. Follow the advice above, and be sure that you have someone (husband, best friend, clergy person, counselor) who can help you process some of these feelings, & who will be an accurate reflection back to you of your love for your dad, & your desire to care for him by acting in his best interests. Don't allow his disease to define you as a person--caregiver or daughter.
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Dear Delia,
All good and perfect advice above that should be followed through. Who has medical POA? You? Who made and signed the medical POA [also called Living Will?] But please follow through with all the ladies' advice above and I believe that your Dad will "lose" his case against you. Dementia can be a very weird disease. One minute he may feel this way and then the next day forget all that he said and wanted to do. My Mom was like this, although it wasn't about money and POA's. God Bless you and may He give you justice and His Peace about it all.
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Delia, I agree with "JessieBelle", get all your paperwork of what the money has been used toward, and take them into the attorney. It seems to me that this lawyer does not have all the facts. I would also get the Dr. who diagnosed this disease in your dad, to send a copy of it to the lawyer! This will most likley clear this whole thing up right there? Good luck and God bless....Let us know what transpires...........
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delia, this is a tough situation and I know it hurts. Thinking people are stealing from them is often part of dementia. I think the saying that it isn't your father, but the disease doing this is the best way to think of it. Since a lawyer is involved, my first step would be to get my records together to show what had been spent and for what purpose. When people see the ledger balances, all should be okay. Your father may still feel you or someone else is stealing from him, but it will just be the disease thinking for him.
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First of all, please understand that dementia causes changes in a persons brain. This in turn often leads to them creating scenarios in their mind, getting angry, and other emotions that you may have never encountered before. Like both people say above, just because he is suing you doesn't mean he will get the judgement in his favor. Stopping it from getting that far would be best because the more he spends on his legal action the less there will be to care for he and your mom. Which leads me to also ask where your mom is in all of this? Unfortunately, as our parents age, especially if they have dementia, we as children reverse rolls and become their "parent." This is a very hard place to be. It is no fun and very uncomfortable. I was the one that had to take on the role of making and following through with the hard decisions in my family. It made my Dad very mad at me and that was so hard. However, I just had to remember that 1) he was not acting like my "real" dad would have acted 2) I was doing what was best for him and if he was in his "right mind" he would know this 3) in the end, I was responsible as his caregiver so I had to do what I thought was best.
I wish that I could tell you that there's an easy answer, but there isn't. It's no fun and not at all what we plan for, I mean who would want to plan out such a hard scenario? However, it is what it is and we have to do the best we can with what we have. If you are doing the very best that you can for your parents, then you are doing your job well. Don't ever forget that.
Sending you a big virtual hug!
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Calmly send the attorney the appropriate paperwork from the Dr and the POA. I wouldn't offer up bank information unless you have to. My FIL has lucid moments when anyone he talks to would never suspect dementia, that doesn't mean he is well. The attorney probably is reacting without all the information.
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You mention your mother, what is her her position on all of this? I suggest you get educated. Call the Bar Association and request a referral that is specailized in Elder issues. This might be the opportunity you need to legally decide who should be the responsible party.Just because he sues you doesn't mean his delusion will prevail. Sometimes a higher authority is needed for the afflicted one to calm down. My mom refused to give up her driver's license. The Neurologist sent the police to confiscate it. She didn't like it, but she did comply. To your father, you are still and forever will be the child. In his mind, how could you ever be anything else?
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Send his lawyer a copy of the doctor's statement that your father is not competent to manage his own money, and also a diagnosis of dementia. I'm sure you could successfully defend against this claim, but life will be easier if you can stop this before it goes to court.
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