Mom has early-moderate dementia and still lives alone. I live about an hour away & my sister lives in another state. Mom is very stubborn and doesn't want to "go to a home with those old folks". We have tried home care but she ran them off. This past week I discovered that she has not been taking her meds. I created a checklist for her meds that has been working well for over a year. I call her daily to remind her to take them. I work at home & have small children. I am also in remission from lymphoma and need to take care of myself and watch my stress levels. My Mom has always been high maintenance & difficult. Her boyfriend (married) visits her daily and has for years. He watches out for her but it's beginning to not be enough. He will visit her wherever she is. She drives (I know she shouldn't) to the store & wanders around every day. She cooks huge meals and lets them sit around on the counter for days or weeks in the fridge. I believe that may be the cause of her fecal incontinence, but not for sure. I have found an assisted living facility near me but they won't take residents w/fecal incontinence. She is not ready for a nursing facility. The chances of getting her to any facility are slim, although lately she has begun to suggest that 'it's time" . I understand that a doctor may can help w/fecal incontinence but I doubt she would admit it to him - or me. Her carpet is evidence of her struggle and I feel badly for her. She is a beauty queen type & looks great for her age. I would like input on dealing the the fecal incontinence issue and general info that might help. She also refuses to give up her jewelry and baby grand piano to live in a small room - but that's all she can afford. My sister is not on board and suggests that we wait until there is an 'incident'. I feel negligent & prefer not to wait for a crisis. Any advice is appreciated. I am very stressed about this every day & can't sleep at night. Thank you.