My FIL insists on washing the plates and cups, (we have a dishwasher, but he won't use it). He is so heavy handed, that over the past two weeks he has chipped most of the cups and plates, and this morning, I had to throw another three cups away. I KNOW he is only trying to help me by doing things around the house, but he generally causes such chaos that it takes me three times as long to sort out afterwards.
I also know how important it is to keep him occupied and make him feel valuable and useful, but he is breaking more than he helps. He is remarkably clean in some ways, and amazingly dirty in others. He wears his underpants and socks for a week at a time unless I can literally whip them off his body, and I am trying so hard to be kind and respectful to him but its not easy when so many of his habits actually gross me out to be honest.
He is very negative with my kids (both teenagers) and what they do/their daily routine, so they are both now avoiding the lounge rather than have to face more negative comments, which means that the family is becoming very separate and not doing things together any longer except for mealtimes. How do I begin to broach this, in a kind and constructive way? I really don't want to lose contact with my kids because of my FIL.
Also, any ideas how I can get him to use disposable tissues instead of two week old hankies? Does anyone else hate washing them? I had to wash my stepdads snotty hankies as I was growing up, and now I want to retch every time I see him yank out his hanky again and again!
He is 90, deaf but won't wear a hearing aid, still mobile thank goodness, but having cognitive slips and memory loss, eg: he cannot connect the doorbell ringing to mean that someone is at the front door.
I am trying very hard to be kind and polite and respectful to him, as I know this is really hard on him too. He has just given up his home of 50 years to move in with us as we was no longer coping on his own; we are on very early days at the moment, but I will tell you that not even a month in, and I am absolutely exhausted on every level.
I take my hats off to all you caregivers out there who have been doing this for years or months, and have enormous respect for you.