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My mother is a diabetic who in the past 6 months or so doesn't even check her sugar levels, she has neuropathy, kidney problems, heart problems, high blood pressure, shortness of breath, doesn't eat right, refuses to go back and see any of here doctors in the past year in a half, who still continue to fill all her prescriptions, sits in a chair all day and night and sleeps, will not move out of her house or let anyway in because she doesn't want them to see how she's living, and expects me to continuously come out and clean her house, do her yard work (2 acres of mowing) and do all her necessary errands, and that still isn't enough. I have a brother who comes out several times a year but she doesn't expect him to come out and share the responsibility, and we do not communicate. She is terribly depressed and complains but won't do anything to help herself. She was robbed twice and tied up while the robber ransacked her house, but she managed to set herself free and run for her safety a few years back, and she has never gotten an alarm or done anything more to secure her safety. She has alienated herself from whatever friends she has left because they preach to her. She gets out to play Bingo a couple times a week, but then six months or so she couldn't figure how to turn on the headlights to her car and when she drove home she sideswiped her car on the expressway when the other cars close to her passed and she was in complete darkness. She lies and plays games and won't answer her phone if she doesn't feel like it. I've done everything in my power to try to get her to move into an assisted living and go see a doctor and she refuses. I have not spoken to her in two weeks now and feel guilty but she's stresses me out so much that I feel I need to take a break for my own sanity, but yet I feel guilty and sad for her. Can anyone give me any sound advice?

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I hear ya! On the phone or in person, the only words that ever come out of my mother's mouth are complaints. When I drive her to a doctor's appointment she sits next to me in the car and says, "No one ever does anything for me." Mind you, that day I had to take the day off from work and drove 2 1/2 hours to get her to her doctor, and spent the morning cleaning her house's gutters. Sometimes I stop her and said, if no one ever helps you, then what is it that I'm doing right now? She then starts to cry and accuses me of being a horrible son. I try not to react, but sometimes she gets me off guard and I get so angry. Afterwards, I always regret getting angry, and arguing with her. I hope I remember what gratitude is when I reach her age.
I pray for your sanity.
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Oh my gosh, your Mom sounds a lot like mine. I never feel like I've done enough either! It is frustrating and depressing. My mom doesn't refuse to go to the doctor, but she insists that I am the one to help her -- out of three children -- because I'm retired and a widow. Her sense of entitlement knows no bounds! I wish I had some concrete advice to give you. One suggestion is to hire an elder care manager who could advise you. I did that, and she was quite helpful in dealing with a difficult older parent. As far as her complaining and being depressed, I think you have to accept that this is the path she's chosen. I have decided that I am not resposible for Mom's happiness. On the subject of her health, I think you should call her doctor and express you concern. I hope this helps! Stay strong.
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Unfortunately, it sounds like she's made up her mind to just pass away the way she wants to and some people do just that.
You can make a few phone calls and she won't have any option but to answer the door. You can call the Council on Aging and they will send someone out there, check with her physician, he/she may have some options sure as calling in Hospice. Calling the police and reporting her will get someone in there, but definitely tell them what's going on first. If she has clergy, call them. The DMV, may be able to make certain she doesn't drive, if you give them a call. Each state is different.
I'd start with your local Council on Aging, along with her physician and go from there. It will give you piece of mind that you have done everything you can do for her.
Hugs and prayers dear friend.
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