Location of nursing home...where should mom stay?

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My mother has acknowledged the possibility on nursing care in the near future. She has been with me in SC for a year and her homesickness has gotten progressively worse over time. Yesterday at the doctor's office she said that if and when she needed nursing care she wanted to be closer home (NC). Since my mother has no assets, I can already see problems (Medicaid) going from one state to another. My preference would be to have her near me so I can visit and look after her as much as possible, but I know she misses friends and relatives, who may or may not visit her. And, there is the possibility it will not be as ideal as she thinks and then she will want to be closer to me. When issues develop or there is a crisis, it's a 4 hour drive to get there.....not something I want to do every week. I feel that being there would improve her quality of life (at least she thinks so) but would make it very difficult for me to know that she is getting the best care possible. Her health has declined to the point that this may be the only thing that will bring her any comfort and peace. I would appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

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we are working with the same issues and have been told that once you are in Medicaid, you can move to any state because these are federal monies that are state administered.
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If she were going to assisted living, a familiar location might be more important. She might be getting out more and attending a familar church, shopping at a familiar store, etc. might ease her homesickness. But how important is the setting for Nursing Homes? I think the most important thing is that it be close to you, so you can advocate most effectively. Secondly it would be good if it were convenient for friends and relatives to visit often. But realistically, it is hard to predict in advance if they will visit. If they don't, in some ways it would be better to have the excuse of distance, so Mom doesn't feel rejected.

At least your mother is ready to entertain the notion of moving into a nursing home!
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Dem, I am in that situation where I am the POA and several hours away. The sad truth is that though she thinks friends in NC will visit her, there is a good chance they won't. It is very difficult to address her needs when you are that far away and it will be much easier for both of you if she is nearby so you can check on her frequently and what her needs may be. Take care.
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dem, move her closer to you. Ask her who she wants taking care of her worries, questions, desires & concerns when she's living all alone hundreds of miles away from family. Who can she depend on to see to those needs? Really, her friends? Come on now.
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Jam is right. Our parents do not always have the 'best' answer. You may want to make her aware of your concerns for her welfare and happiness. Perhaps the 'friends and relatives' can be quizzed on their probable assistance if the move back to NC is made.
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Several years ago when my mother placed herself in a NH she chose the one that was touted as being the "best in the area"....filled with activities.....you know the rest. It was not convenient to visit her constantly with my work schedule being what it was and my uncaring siblings couldn't be bothered to see her when I couldn't. So after about 2 years I stepped in and made the decision that she would be moved closer to me. She has always been on Medicaid and her new home was better than before, filled with activities and the staff couldn't be more caring to their charges. I guess my reason for this is that sometimes you can't do what your parent wants, there are other considerations and since Mom has been with you it wouldn't be long before she becomes miserable because you aren't there often. I assume you are POA, and having her close makes her care that much more convenient for all. It's hard to be a patient advocate from miles away. I would look into facilities in your area with Mom and see if there is somewhere she would like to live. In the end, it's about where she will get the best care and where you can interact with her the easiest as her patient advocate. She already has an established physician, pharmacy, etc.....no reason just to rearrange all that because of a relative.
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I'm afraid there are two considerations that will determine the outcome: the Medicaid factor, and if your mother equates nursing care with 'home'. My experience was that Medicaid left no personal choice; it was from a hospitalization and where a bed was open. (We saved $6k to have a choice) If NC is an option, where will your mother live prior to being admitted to a nursing home and who will be her caregiver/advocate? I think best to investigate now, with your mother as a full partner, and then decide what is practical in this situation. She will have to make the final decision. (? have NC friends/relatives visited her in SC?)
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