Should mom move into my home from Assisted Living?


Moms funds are depleteing, she may be discharged from NH and if she returns to AL they will add additional services that will make the cost much more meaning mom will exaust her funds even faster (max 12 months) should I move her in my home. Wife and I are scptical, but since I provide caregving daily anyway. I am sure it would add hardship to my home, but she needs me and her money is running out. Not sure what to do , social workers that I have spoken to so far are not helpful. still trying to get some good advice, unfortunatley each option has its advantages and disadvantages... burned out

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing


I also agree with all of the above advice that has been given. After reading many posts on here, you find that most everybody who has taken in a parent end up with more issues than they bargained for, especially if your relationship is already strained with the aging parent. Having a parent in your home is a drastic change from just going to visit them when you want. EVERYTHING changes! And no matter what you do to make them happy, they aren't. You find yourself just shaking your head because you are doing everything in your power to help them and try to save them from a NH or AL, but things don,t run as smoothly as you think they should. It is hard. There is more arguing and guilt, and after all is said and done, you have to put the bad feelings aside, and continue their care on a daily basis. Maybe you have the best relationship with the parent....and it might not be that way at all....that I do not know....but if there is any dimentia, or depression, or selfish behavior only gets worse, and you have your own life and family and sanity to think of. Sometimes the right thing is doing whats best for them....let someone who is trained take care of them, and you can oversee that care and still feel good about it all. Check with your dept of aging....they will help you.
Helpful Answer (4)

The solution is not to bring Mom into your home. When she runs out of money, that is what Medicaid is for. As others have said, consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. (This is not the time to ask your cousin who practices corporate law or your neighbor's daughter who specializes in intellectual property law. You need an Elder Law attorney.)
Helpful Answer (6)

I agree with reindeermama -- pay privately until the money runs out and then she goes on Medicaid. Not sure what state you live-in, but NH should be able to tell you what to do to make the transition to Medicaid. In NYS, most facilities allow that transition. They get their money either way. In NYS we have Office of the Aging which gives you all the information you need. There are drawbacks to Medicaid, but at least most services are paid for. I would strongly urge you not to bring her into your home. If you are caregiving 24/7 now, it will be 24 hrs. a day once she is in your home. I know it may sound cruel, but YOU and your family need your rest and to look out for your own health. The important thing about having them in a facility is to keep very close tabs on what is going on and assure she is getting good care. Then you can save your energy to spend time with her without round-the-clock care.

I don't know how old you are, but I find being almost 70 myself, and dealing with a husband who has health issues (not to mention my own) and also spending 18-20/hours a week babysitting my toddler grandchild (actually this is what keeps me going!) I absolutely cannot handle the 24 hour care of my 91 year old mother. We are also facing a decision re Assisted Living (she still lives in her own home). It is an awful decision to have to make and I struggle every day to not feel guilty. I hope this helps you. Remember, her safety and your health are major considerations. Good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (5)

Talk to the nursing home also and see if she could pay privately until her funds run out, and then they could put her on a medicaid pending status while she applies for medicaid. Sometimes, AL is almost the same cost as the nursing home when they have to add services.
Helpful Answer (1)

Go to an elder care attorney for a consultation, you might can put these funds into a trust so that she will be eligible for medicaid and be able to stay in the nursing home. If she exhausts her funds paying AL, remember she can then qualify for medicaid to cover the cost of a nursing home. Talk to the doctor about having a home health care service that will be paid for by medicare and her supplement. They might bath her and cover some of those services that AL would charge extra for. You might can hire someone cheaper than AL to go in to cover these extra services. It can cause problems when a parents lives with you. It is very hard mentally and emotionally.
Helpful Answer (2)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.