My Mother has no interests anymore. She was always such a vibrant, social person and now does not want to do anything. Do we have to lose all interest in life as we age?

Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I especially want to thank
cscstle & Mstone55 for your thoughtful answers. Sometimes others in the community do not realize that we have been to the doctor, gotten the antidepressants, jumped through the proper hoops and it does not really matter. Cannot force my Mother to take antidepressants when she insists "They don't do anything." What she means is they do not make her young anymore. She is 89 but we are not allowed to say anything about her age or the fact that she is old. She is so vain and self centered. I love my Mom very much but these are the facts and this site is where I come to for venting and maybe some possible solutions. The reality is that there is no solution for aging. We get old and die, always has been that way and always will be. I just really want to learn from this experience so I will not put my children what I am going through right now. Would give you all hugs but haven't figured out how to do that yet! Prayers for all.

To All, I am helping take care of my MIL with dementia/stroke and a few other things too. I want you to know it is HARD very very hard! But you all still have your mom....weather or not she is ill or depressed or anything else! I lost my mother after her illnesses took her life a year ago and I MISS her terribly! I was 1 of 7 children in my family and there was plenty of disapline to go around...you know"spare the rod spoil the child", and times I couldn't stand her either! I wish she was still here ....no matter what! I can tell you it's harder not having them here, you can at least call or go see them when you want to. Now we are taking care of, my last mom, and I am saddened at the thought that she might not be here much longer! Even though she has dementia and most of the time hates me, I love her all the same..

Dear hadenough, I have been asking myself these same questions...my 83 year old mom just seems to have no motivation to do anything. It breaks my heart to see this once intelligent, creative woman just wasting away her life. She lives with me and I have tried to encourage her to get interested in some hobby...she thought she wanted to take up crocheting again so we got everything she would need and she worked on an already started project from years ago for one day and now it all sits in her closet. She then decided that she would like to take up art again...she used to be quite good. So, we got her everything she would need, papers, pencils, acrylics, water colors, etc. She has perhaps worked on something for a day or two and now it all just sits at the art center I created for her here in my craft room. Just the other day she remembered that she used to do stained glass and asked if her stuff was still around for that...I told her it wasn't. Other than reading, books and the newspaper, mom does very little. I am the one who has to get her up and moving to go on her appts. and push her to go to the two social appts. she has each week. She always enjoys herself once she gets there, it's just getting her there! She would sleep the day away sometimes if I allowed it, but I do try to get her up and moving by 9:30 each day...if she wants to nap later I'm ok with that but I do like to get her up and cleaned up. My mom is also losing her sense of boundaries, I think it is just part of the dementia...she just can't remember the rules of the game of life...it's just too overwhelming and confusing so she doesn't even try anymore. I too want to know what makes the difference between the vibrant, active elderly men and women that I see who are older even than mom and the shell of a person who used to be my mom? At her last hearing aid appt. there was an article on the counter about a study that was done comparing the correlation between hearing loss and dementia...it appears that dementia seems to go hand in hand more times than not with those having hearing loss. I guess it makes sense...if they are not being stimulated through hearing their world would indeed seem to get smaller and smaller. Don't know if that's what happened to mom or not...I don't even know if this is something that can be avoided...but I would sure like to try and keep myself from suffering this same disease. My mom is also already on an anti-depressant, but it truly doesn't seem to make a difference any more. Perhaps she is just tired of living...how sad it is to watch the decline....my prayers are with you...hang in there.

Same has happened to my mom. She has continually shrunk her world and makes me her "world". It is a heavy burden to know she has no interaction except me. This is what some elders do in my experience - not all. I think it stems from insecurity and decreasing control -- they are afraid and little by little withdraw to their comfort zone (home, TV, etc.). I agree with others about depression and medication can help -- but they have to take it. Dementia and Alz also lead to this isolation, withdrawel and disininterest in the outside world.

In my mom's case, she is insecure (guess never noticed this when I grew up) and my father was her world. He died and she kinda of rose to her "independence" for about 18 mo then slipped. She was around new friends but when they "judged" or made comments about the way she dressed or talked to certain people; her fragile ego couldn't take it and she withdrew completely from the group. This was the downhill fall to not venturing out anymore for new friends, new places, etc.

I guess best advice is try to take your mom to senior center or go with her on a senior outing and slowly introduce her to others in her age group. Maybe initiate a tea or luncheon with other senior friends at your house and slowly encourage her if she is open to it to develop new interest or friends to talk to and be with.

Hopefully this will ease your craziness. PS -- I see many active seniors who continue to do for others, volunteer working sometimes 40 hrs per week to stay active and busy and have full active schedules; my mom isn't one of them -- but I sure hope to be as I get older!

I too have all your same issues. I have taken my mom and gotten her on anti-depressants. She says she is taking them. However, I'm not allowed to touch her meds. So, I can't really check. It is amazing how my mom relies on me for everything. But, yet wants to maintain her independence. She has tested all her relationships including ours. Her lack of social skills and/or her desire to even be social is horrible. She never feels good. And yes, she has become a drag. I have come to except the situation. She will never be the mother I once loved. She is just this little old lady that is withering away. Sorry, I'm not much help in solving your problem. But, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. If you need to vent, I am here to share your pain.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I agree with cmagnum. The disinterest you describe is a classic depression symptom. After a head injury, my husband's symptoms cleared one by one, but his disinterest in life hung on. He said he couldn't be depressed -- he wasn't sad. But I insisted on a visit to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed depression and prescribed an antidepressant. That pill literally gave me my husband back!

Probably not everyone who develops disinterest is depressed. I don't know. But I think a visit to a doctor would be very worthwhile.

Lack of interest in doing the things one once use to do and enjoy is a sign of depression and she probably needs to see a doctor. A basic anti-depressant like welbutrin might be all she needs to perk her up once again.

Has your mother always had poor boundaries or is this something new?