My dad is in ALF and now may get kicked out. What should I do? -

My dad is in ALF and now may get kicked out. What should I do?


Dad is in an ALF and this is his second one. The first one he was in, he made a fuss about chest pain, etc., and was sent to the hospital. He had a touch of pneumonia, so he was there for a couple of weeks while we found him a new place, since he hated that one so much. I've told him that they are pretty much all the same.

He now has a catheter permanently and that limits the choices for an ALF. He is demanding and difficult. He's been at the new one for about a month now and fell last night trying to adjust the heat in the room; he's supposed to call the staff for that. He's o.k., just a sore shoulder. They are moving him to a private room because he will not stop yelling for someone. He disturbed his roomate. So now it costs a lot more, of course.

The ALF can kick him out for this and has told us that recently they gave someone a 30 day notice to leave.

I guess they can do that, but what do we do? It's hard to find a place that will take him. He'd like to live with one of us, but we're not set up to handle his care, we have steps, etc. When he was in his home, he refused all outside help.

Any suggestions? Thank you!

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Bread - your dad may not be suitable for AL. Al usually requires that they be able to do all their ADL's on their own or with minimal help and that they be able to live in a social community setting. The latter is the tricky part because your dad may be just too much of NOT a team player and this is a very subjective call. The fact that she said something to the effect that they need to think of the other residents is for me the nudge in the ribs that this isn't going to work out.

Could some of this be that he is deliberately doing this so that he is asked to leave and you or other family have to take him in? Could he believe that if he pushes this that will happen? I'd speak with the social worker at the AL to see what NH options are out there for him and start to look at those rather than another AL.

If he is super difficult, I'd be concerned that he will sign himself out of the AL and move into an apt. There are some elders who are just so spiteful that they will place themselves in a situation in which they cannot function so that family has to come and rescue them. Whatever you do, please don't let him stay with you!
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I am glad to hear that as we know that our loved ones go through much turmoil when they do not feel good. I have had to bite my tongue more than once and realize that it is their illness and try not to take it personally. I was distraught as ever when my father got angry with me but then he apologized and I knew it was his illness and he was very remorseful for his outburst. I can understand the ALF concern for other patient but your Dad is also a patient and they go to school to deal with this better than us loved ones. I hope things work out Breadbaker. Keep us informed here okay. Hugs to you.
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I finally spoke to the director. She has moved him to another room, which may help. A doctor will check him out next week. She was reassuring that they would not kick him out and that is the last resort. They do need to think about the other people there. Thank you for your support.
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This is a hard one and what does his doctors say about his outbursts? They should be able to monitor him and help him. Maybe he can not help his condition. There are nursing homes that deal with this every single day. Surely someone will be able to assist you in your hour of need. If you feel it would be too much to tend to him at your home then by all means start contacting the services in your community to help you place him in a nursing home where he will be tended to by professional care. I did not get what you meant about the catheter that they will not have him there due to that? That is obscured don't you think? He needs nursing care and no one should be turning him away. Try to speak to his doctor about your concerns and see what they say. I wish the best for you and for him.I would like to know how things work out. Hugs.
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