How do you get a senior to agree to a few hours of adult day care?

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I found an adult day care center that is willing to accept him. We took him there long enough for us to speak with the day care specialist, in the mean time my husbands father sat next to another gentleman that also has had a stroke, they got along well and my father in law promised to come back that following friday. Come friday my husband went in and told his dad to get up and get dressed so he could go visit with the gentleman again. My father in law refused and said he was not going to go back there EVER!!! We wanted to take him there to have some socialization in his life because he only sits in his chair at home barking orders at us and he told us to SHUT our damn mouths and do what he says. The adult day care was our last hope. We are losing our minds and our health is deteriorating quickly.

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I am a weekday caregiver of my elderly grandpa who has dementia. I take him to daycare almost everyday. We are blessed that his medicaid insurance can pay up to 5 days of daycare. They serve breakfast, lunch, and snacks. Which helps saves the family a lot on groceries. Everyday is almost the same routine. I tell him after breakfast to get dressed because he has to go to the "care center". And he always asks "Why do I need to go?" and I say something like "Well you have to do work to help your friends and they feed you there. If you do not do your work, you can't eat and food is free over there." (This statement is true because him being a client there helps the daycare business and pay its staff members LOL. Also, other clients enjoy his company so he is also "helping" their well being. And he is also helping me and the rest of the family so we can all get respite because he is being watched. So in actuality he is "working"! *wink wink*).
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Well, early this morning my dad called the senior center and told them not to pick him up because he needs to go shopping! My husband and I had some plans for the day (he is off work on Fridays,) but no go. This is not the first time dad has done this. Another day in paradise. . .
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Caregiver75104 is right on, call it a senior center or social center. Let him know the group enjoys his company, that makes him feel important and that he's a part of the circle of friends!
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Well, my dad has been going to adult day/health care for 2 months now, 3x a week for 4 hours each day. He was ok about it also until he finally went, and has nothing positive to say, he thinks I am "dumping him off" so I can go have tons of fun. Rosebud648, my dad is the same as yours, when he is home just sits and pouts. We thought (as did his doctors,) that some socialization would be great for him. He also receives physical therapy on the days he goes, 2 meals, gets his toe nails done 2x a month by a podiatrist! They even transport him back and forth! Monday he announced he couldn't go because he needed an enema (no way, he gets Miralax and senna every evening.) Well, he went poop no problem, just didn't want to go, and left in a huff. The social worker said he is just fine when he is there. He is a WWII vet, they have a room just for veterans and it is heavily funded by the VA, so he is paid for by the VA. Does your dad act "cute" and have a good attitude with people other than you, the caregiver? Mine does, that is why I say this. It is still hard for me to experience the way he barks at me and his negativity (which my attitude reflects his,) when I see him being nice with others, especially my family members. They have absolutely no idea what the role of a caregiver is (nor do they want it,) and think its just good times with good old dad, going to outings everyday and having a blast! My husband I are stressed out, blood pressure up, yuck. Like Miamadre suggested, don't tell him what to do, suggest or say "we" instead of "you," they don't like to be told what to do, hence my name, 58yrold child. My dad treats me like a 10 year old and is a control freak, always has been. It is hard for the elder to accept the role reversal, I think more so in men. Please keep trying, take good care of YOU! There's alot of us out there going through this, God bless all of us caretakers, good luck!
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Just tell him that he is needed at the "care center" to work with friends and others and to socialize and help them feel better and they will feed him for free for his volunteering services.
You don't want to use the word "day care" because they may associate that term with children.
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Hospice, palliative care teams of my mum (86) with life limiting health condition, have been suggesting that mum spend sometimes @ the day centre (as she is rather depressed being coup up in a small apartment and her reluctance to be wheeled to the common garden (very plesant place). Wooh, so far we had not been successful in anyway to get her to attend any of the sessions. Because she would change her mind the last minute (hence wasting a lot of these carers time arranging for transport (we do not drive) to ferry her there. She is good at saying she would love to attend but she pulls out each time. In 5 days there is another attempt to get her there, I pray that she will at least move it there for being a person who had lived in isolation for a great part of her life, I honestly 'feel' she would not entertan the idea of being told by others re what she can /should do (she ws not very co-operative when she attended rehab (physio) aftr her fall ended with bleeding into head and an operation. I pray that the Lord looks down upon her next week and inspire her to attend day care (I am really exhausted cring for her with very little suport from other family members who could at least make her feel that it is important that she attends DC where she can have her massage, physio and check by the resident doctor!!!. So far everyone who have been attending to mum (Drs, nurses, physio, psy -none had ever spoke to mum 'firmly re 'needing to cooperate in orer to get better. They allow her to dictate her terms; I feelit about time one of the treating person tell mum that unless she help them to help her, there is very little chance she can get better as fast as they wish!!! Sound forceful but I feel sometimes even sick and elderly can benefits with some 'firm' reminder re . taking resposibility for restoring better health (even for short time) for themselves. Instead of whinging about this and that. MY mum biggest problem is she would agree with everything the Dr suggest, as soon as they leave (Hospice home visit), she would become very uncooperative and whinge about anything and everything, I am really frustruated by her behaviour, like any idea and suggestions to help me deal with mum. I am really exhausted!!!
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P.S, talk to the daycare owner, they are great on making them feel welcome or needed. A lot of small jobs there can make them feel useful, or even someone asking them to come. One time my Mom was sick, the daycare called and said " where is she, we miss her so much, and have so many towel to fold" Well, Mom was so excited, she felt so good and asked me all day "did they really call for me?" Next time I had the message put onto the answering machine and played it for Mom several times, haha, they love feeling missed and useful.
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hi, we called it a club and went for lunch, then a haircut at the daycare, then lunch and a game, then lunch and knitting, then they asked her to fold laundry, which i supplied. it took 3 months of slow weaning iin where i would finally leave for 15 mins, 45 mins, an hour or more, etc. once I introduced her to others and got her to see a familiar face there, it worked, I never thought it would. she even stayed in the smaller room to the side the first year when not eating, then worked out with all, she loved it and called it her "work"
slow and steady wins the race, good luck
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I was brought in as a "Neighbor" for visiting & having lunch with a client via her Son & Daughter in law. It began just 15-20 hours a week, then turned in to over 60 hrs a week once she got use to me. I never dressed like an aide, I just would wear regular clothes for the season. I got her to take showers, I'd set & style her hair, whatever she needed. We all would keep the Iron screen doors locked, & would take her for drives, walks, outings, have her help us clean the house, but had to watch her Very closely in the kitchen so she wouldn't start fires by turning on the stove with pots on it and then walking away & forgetting it. There's ways of getting help you need.
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Wow, I really didn't expect all the great responses!!!!!! Thank you thank you and did I say THANK YOU all. I love reading this and the responses help alot. And then I read what others are going through and realize we're not alone. Thank you all
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