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After more than 70 years of marriage, our Dad passed away, leaving Mom in a big house that he had built but that needed many, many repairs. We moved her into a really lovely assisted living facility close to us, and we have visited her every day since the move, bringing her to our house for family Thanksgiving and the day after to be with the great-grandkids, etc. Everything seemed good, but today, she said she wants to go "back to my house to live," and could not be talked out of this "funk". Is this normal? She has been there only a week. We are so frustrated, and now, of course, wondering if she'll ever adjust. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

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This is very normal. Please be patient.This is her first holiday season without her husband or her home. These are huge adjustments to make. You'll just have to expect her to have hard times. Even if she hadn't had so many changes so fast, a week is nothing when it comes to adjustment. The holiday season will make it harder, but expect a few months before she's really adjusted. It will take time but you did the right thing. Eventually, she'll make friends and find a new routine. She'll still miss her husband, so expect ups and downs.
Take care,
Carol
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Rather a long answer here; we moved my mom, who was then 88 and 15 years a widow to assisted living last year. It was an unmitigated disaster, because it was both too much and too little help. We had not done enough research on the facility and assumed too much based on the fact that other family members had placed loved ones there successfully. Fortunately, my mom was hospitalized for about a week and we were able to do some quick figuring and looking around and realized that she was much better suited to an Independent Living facility with one of us handling her weekly medication "set-up". Even in this new, improved and very caring facility, it has taken my mom a full year to adjust. As noted above, the staff advised us to lay back a little and let them shower her with attentiveness; we avoided taking her 'home" for a couple of months; fortunately, we are able not to have to sell the house immediately. What I think has helped tremendously are a couple of storms in which nearly all mom's former neighbors lost power, heat, etc; she realizes that she is much safer where she is. She has a geriatric psychiatrist who comes to see her every two weeks or so to monitor her anxiety meds,etc.

When mom complains about being where she is, or says other totally nonsensical things (like; having been to the local beauty salon, "now I have the same haircut as all the other inmates--not true") we don't argue with her. I just play with my cell phone and look up distractedly and say "what?" if she's saying something totally stupid or untrue. Recently, when we visited the house to pick up some winter clothes, she said "you know, the house is an asset now, not where I live". Triumph! Give it time, you mom will get there.
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At age 91, my Mother just moved into an assisted living facility. She was pretty unhappy the first few days, but the director recommended that we back off on our attention so that she could begin learning to trust the caregiving staff. We still visited her every night for about an hour or so, but the caregivers there showered her with attention the rest of the time, and she eventually began adjusting.
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We are in just about the same boat, sandyandsteve1. My mom agreed to "try out" an assisted living facility near us, after living on her own since 1967 in her home 400 miles from where we live. We had included Mom in the visiting of various possible places she could go, and the place we chose was one she's found "impressive."
At first she was very sad. She asked to be moved from the initial table where she was placed, and that helped a lot because she was seated with some lovely women who are lively and interesting conversationalists.
The staff showered her with attention, as the "new kid on the block", and they appreciated her because she was so pleasant with them. At first she poo-poohed the activities, saying, "I'm not a joiner." But they kept encouraging her and she is coming around.
Today we took out the furniture she'd been renting from the assisted living facility, and brought in some from our house. I think that was a big step towards her acceptance of this as her new home. We visit her often, but for short periods. After decades of living so far away from us, she enjoys seeing us, our kids and grandkids much more frequently.
I've read articles saying that it takes seniors about 6 months to fully accept living in a new place. Give it time, and reassure your mom that you are there for her, just a phone call away. Hugs are good. So is hand-holding and smiling and bringing joy into her life.
You can do it, and she's going to be OK!
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Putting Mom's furniture, mattress, bedding, art, clothes and plants in her new room at assisted living before I moved her there seemed to help make the transition easier.
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My mom moved in her AL July 2015. It took a while to get used to where everything was..she finally got into a routine after several months, but not doing much with activities. Once in a while she'd go to Bingo or a singing program. She will kick me out at meal time, she tells me it's time for her to go to the dining room. Friday she calls me to see if I'm coming to see her that night. I told her I wasn't planning to..she had plans on going to see a music program after dinner with the girls. I told her to go ahead to the program and have a good time. It takes time to adjust to new surroundings.
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